


Takes Me Nowhere (Takes Me Home)

by AutumnSwitch



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief Hartwin, Canon-Typical Violence, Endgame Harcival, Endgame Harry Hart/Percival, Endgame Merlin/Eggsy, Endgame merwin, Explicit Sexual Content, Fairy Tale Elements, M/M, Magical Artifacts, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Past Harwin, Pining, Pining!Percival, Porn with Feelings, Prosthesis, Sexual Content in Chapters 8 and 11 (denoted by breaks for those who would prefer to skip it), Temporary Character Death, Time Loop, alcohol use, pining!Eggsy, pining!Harry, pining!merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-05-18 15:11:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14855147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnSwitch/pseuds/AutumnSwitch
Summary: The elderly tailor at Kingsman has always been a bit peculiar, but he's Eggsy's favorite.  Mr. Rose takes a keen interest in the young agent after injury and a failed relationship leave Eggsy bitter and stuck.  Given the chances to "make things right," perhaps Eggsy will find his Happily Ever After.Sent back to the morning Chester "Arthur" King tells his candidates to shoot their dog, Eggsy is given one day to alter his future.  Time jumps from the present (15 April 2018) to 15 April 2013 and back again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a piece of “crack” in the style of When We First Met (a Netflix movie with a similar 2 day time loop - I think they resolved the story in 4 jumps). It soon turned into this. My seeming obsession with prostheses is due to family situations going on. I guess it's my way of wrapping my head around some stuff.
> 
> _shrugs_
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story.

Despite looking gnarled with arthritis, Rose’s fingers moved nimbly over the cotton fabric. Kingsman Tailors was quiet as he marked the seam of Eggsy's sleeve with chalk and pins. 

“Apologies, sir,” the tailor whispered, his Scottish burr just coming through. 

Eggsy glanced down to see a pin sticking up from the shirt at an odd angle, but he felt nothing. Brilliant as Kingsman prostheses were, Eggsy had no sensation from his elbows down. And what he did feel below his left calf, well, that wasn’t really there.

“Won't take but a minute to correct the width for ye. Have ye out in no time at all.”

Eggsy rolled his neck and sighed. Any minute now the rest of the wedding party would show up for their final fittings. He wanted to be done and gone before they trapped him in. There were 4 hours 45 minutes left before the rehearsal dinner and Eggsy planned to spend every moment reclined in his living room with a bottle of whisky at his lips.

Surveying his work, Rose smoothed his hands down Eggsy’s lapels. He muttered something and made some final adjustments. 

"What was that?" It sounded Gaelic, but Eggsy didn't have the ear for languages that Roxy did. 

"List of to dos, is all." Rose tucked the Kingsman pendant under Eggsy's shirt with a knowing smile. Then he stepped back, appearing satisfied with the complete look. “All set, Sir Galahad.” 

“Thanks, mate.” Eggsy gave himself a once over, not that the lines Rose drew made any sense to him. Even with the lessons he'd received to playact at being a tailor, Eggsy didn’t recognize the marks. “Think you nailed it this time," he said anyway. "Sorry for the trouble.” 

Eggsy shrugged out of the suit and into his street clothes. He made an unnecessary adjustment to the prosthetic sleeve above his ankle, accidentally breaking the suction. Cursing the new models and the time it took to get used to the strength in his hands, Eggsy donned the limb from zero. What he wouldn’t give for the old sock and socket design. 

The sleeve lost suction again and Eggsy sat up with a huff. 

He caught the tailor’s eyes lingering on his reflection, as if sizing him up. 

“I can alter the rest of your wardrobe as well,” Rose offered kindly. He stepped forward to pinch loose fabric at Eggsy’s sleeves and pant leg, unphased by the residual limb still exposed. Rose was in and out of Eggsy’s space quickly.

“I'll consider it,” Eggsy said as he went back to manipulate the artificial foot. He’d tried hiding under baggy clothes, but it seemed to draw more attention than not. If Rose thought he could do better, then maybe Eggsy could let him give it a go. 

Despite being of retirement age, Rose had been Eggsy’s favorite tailor from the start. He never passed a judging glance, not when Eggsy showed up to his first fitting in trainers and trackies, nor when his amputations were struggling to heal. 

Many agents assumed Rose preferred work at the front end of the shop. Whether it was true or not, he always made time for Eggsy. Rose had become somewhat of a specialist, Eggsy’s personal dresser.

The bell above the front door rang and a band of familiar voices carried through the shop. Eggsy grit his teeth at the sound of Percival’s laugh and locked his foot into place. 

Rose nodded toward the mirror.

Eggsy held his hand against the glass and worried his lip as he waited for entry. His complaints to IT had fallen on deaf ears; the security system continued to have trouble reading the synthetic material of his hands. Impatient with the extra seconds it took for the mirror to recognize him, Eggsy polished the glass with his sleeves and tried his other hand against the screen. 

There had been some talk of allowing him temporary access to one of IT’s override passwords while they worked on the recognition software, but Eggsy hadn't heard from Staff in a week. Finally, the scan turned green. 

~*~*~

Eggsy arrived for Harry and Percival’s dinner at a time he considered fashionably late. He popped a few mints in his mouth before entering the restaurant. It wouldn’t mask the stagger in his step, but maybe he’d pass as sober enough for a few more drinks. 

The bartender confiscated Eggsy's keys before his arse hit the stool. She set him up with a tumbler of water and lime and gave his prosthetics a chance to prove their worth; Eggsy produced a nip of gin from a hidden compartment in his arm and doctored his drink.

Dinner was bound to be rife with heartfelt toasts and tearful declarations of love. Semiconscious was the only way Eggsy would survive. He knocked back one drink and prepared another.

Soft music played and flowers adorned the tables. Eggsy’s friends and coworkers mingled with each other. But in Eggsy’s corner of the room, it was quiet. He watched the party go on without him; his fuzzy vision only coming into focus when it landed on Harry. 

Percival stepped into his line of sight, slipping his hand around Harry’s waist. 

Eggsy tossed a wedge of lime in his mouth and chewed, rind and all. Bitter was a taste to which he’d grown accustomed. 

As if in competition, a line of agents called upon the room to give Harry and Percival their blessing. Eggsy supposed he was to be among them. He sank lower on the bar stool and refilled his glass. 

By the time Harry stood and raised a toast to his soon-to-be spouse, Eggsy’s liquor stash was spent. 

Harry readied himself, smoothing his eyepatch and clearing his throat. He directed a tender smile at Percival; it felt like a knife to Eggsy’s heart. 

“Cole,” Harry started, with the briefest touch to the side of Percival’s face. “We have weathered many storms. You have been my shelter, and in two days time I will vow, and forever strive, to be yours. Dearest, look out to our friends, our family. When I fall short, and you've grown weary of me, please choose the sharpest shot to take me out. Make it quick; make it painless. Don't make it Hamish.”

Percival tipped his head to Merlin as he laughed, then clinked his glass against Harry's. He whispered something to his fiance and they shared a kiss. 

Queasy and faint, Eggsy swayed. His hands landed heavily on the bar in an effort to keep himself from spinning with the room. Several heads turned his way at the sound. Though his palms were metal and silicone constructs, Eggsy felt the vibration of impact through his shoulders. He took the disapproving looks thrown his way as cue to leave. 

Rising too quickly from the stool, Eggsy stumbled out of the dining area. There had to be someone around that could point the way to the bog. He made a sharp left and shuffled down a hall of mirrors. The dizzying reflections had him turned around and lost. 

His stomach churned. 

Unable to find the toilets, Eggsy made do with a large potted plant in the corner. 

“Not the 360 degrees view of debauchery most have in mind for a bachelor’s weekend, is it?” Harry placed a hand on Eggsy's back as he heaved.

It wasn’t the kind of attention Eggsy had wanted to attract. “You shouldn't eat the shrimp,” Eggsy choked out. “Definitely off.”

“Of course. As you know, Cole's allergic to shellfish and so none was served tonight.”

Bracing himself against the undersized tree, Eggsy lurched forward again. The branches bruised and bent under the strength of his grip. 

Harry stood aside, offering an occasional kind word or pat on the back. Not that Eggsy was in a position to make demands, but he expected more from his mentor and friend. Maybe Harry had expected more from Eggsy as well.

Coughing into the bend of his arm, Eggsy swore.

“All right, Galahad.” Percival took a knee at Eggsy's periphery and unloaded his haul of sundry items. “I've rounded up soda crackers and a ginger ale. There's water and juice for you, as well.” His forehead pinched in concern as he stood. “You can lie down upstairs. Our room is reserved for the week.”

At the suggestion he rest in the Honeymoon suite, Eggsy vomited on Percival's freshly shined oxfords.

“Lovely,” Merlin griped. He seemed to appear out of thin air.

“Sneaky wizard,” Eggsy groaned as his stomach tensed again. 

Merlin passed a wash cloth across Eggsy's chin before wiping Percival's shoes with it, laces to toe cap. He nudged off his own brogued slip ons to trade. 

“Time to make your exit, then,” Merlin grunted, gathering Eggsy at the waist. “Don' ye retch in the car.”

~*~*~

Eggsy slumped against the door as Merlin drove. “Ugh, fucking Percival? I'd hate 'im if he weren't so nice. He's too nice, right? Coulda had anyone. But my Harry, bruv? That's who he takes?” Eggsy felt another wave of nausea and rolled down the window. “Let’s just drive. Go north to the cliffs. West til the ocean.”

“If it's a drowning ye want, I can drop you in the Thames.”

“That's brill, guv. Less do that.” Eggsy sank further in the seat and began to drift off. “Don' wake me when we're there. Just toss me arse in.” The purr of the engine in the night lulled Eggsy to sleep.

 

A sharp pain, like a bullet to his bicep, jarred Eggsy back to consciousness. “Da fuck?” He swore as Merlin pulled a thick syringe from his arm. 

Apathetic, Merlin tucked away his kit under lock and key. “Here we are,” he said simply.  
With the windows open, Eggsy could taste salt in the air and feel sea mist on his face. “What is this place?” Stars filled the night sky, but even they didn't offer enough light to show Eggsy anything useful. Merlin had parked at an empty beach and that was about all he knew. 

“This is the place where you talk.”

Eggsy lifted his wrist to check the time and hissed against the deep ache in his arm. Not that he’d complain. The experience of physical discomfort was better than the phantom sensations of the lower half of his limbs. 

His watch read it wasn't yet nine; they couldn't have gone far. 

“Wait.” Eggsy rubbed his eyes and was shocked the world was right-side up again. “Why don't I feel like death?”

“Nano.”

Eggsy scowled at the injection site. “You _know_ I hate those. That 'no hangover' claim is bullshit and it makes my tongue feel funny. Nano weren't necessary.”

Merlin watched him with an unreadable expression. “Your vitals told different. Now, time for a story of another kind.”

“Shoulda left me drunk, if ya wanted a chat.”

Merlin produced a pair of ciders from the back seat. 

Eggsy received a swat for his eager reach. 

“Consider it a bribe. Ye talk, you drink.”

Two years ago both ciders would have been in Eggsy’s possession and on their way to empty. Kingsman’s latest bionic gifts promised better speed and dexterity than the ones that came before, but Eggsy hadn’t mastered his new hands yet. 

Eggsy hugged his arms across his chest. “If I drink, I’m more likely to talk.” 

“My bottles, my rules.”

Eggsy looked down at his folded arms, then off into the distance. The waves rumbled against the shore. 

“Do ya believe in fate, Merlin? ‘Things happen for a reason and all that?” Eggsy rubbed his elbows at their sleeves, itching to let them breathe.

Merlin asked a question of his own instead of providing an answer. “They bothering you?”

“No more the fact I got 'em at all.”

“And the leg?”

Eggsy shrugged.

“Mr. Rose thought perhaps you were skittish about the others seeing. Know their not 'lifelike' as the last, but function should be improved.”

Eggsy leaned his head back against the seat. “Fate, Merlin. Ya think it's real?”

“Do I think ye were fated to trip that IED? Nae, Galahad.”

Eggsy started to argue that wasn't his thought.

Merlin hushed him and continued. “There are moments presented to us where things happen; we make a choice. And as time goes on there are opportunities to steer life's course away from or toward the path we've set.”

After a heavy silence, Eggsy sneered. “I think that's a load of crap.” He pulled the door handle and clamored out of the car.

“Fuck you, mate,” Eggsy said as his feet touched ground. “Parked in sand?” He limped toward the water in a huff. The going was stiff, but he did feel better balance than what the other prosthetic limb had provided. 

When Merlin caught up, he grumbled. “Was supposed to make ye stay put.”

Eggsy stood a safe distance from the water's edge and toed at a lump of drying sea grass. With an experimental flick of his new ankle, Eggsy kicked the pile. The spasm sent a small, wet bunch across the sand to where it landed on Merlin's naked foot. 

“I thank ye for that.”

“Your choice to go barefoot every chance ya get,” Eggsy snarked.

“Ye ruined a man's shoes trying to drink yerself blind.”

“Weren't my choice to have Percy the lion-heart try to save that plant.”

“Oh, please.” Merlin doubled-over to wipe the grass off from his foot but not before curling his toes among the tangled strands. 

Shoving his hands deep into his pockets, Eggsy turned his face to the sky. A shout of frustration surged from his chest, but he felt no better for it. The wind continued to wail, the waves rolled in and out again. Nothing changed.

“I chose Harry,” Eggsy said gazing up at the stars. “I did everything to get him and keep him mine. And the universe shat on my destiny.”

Merlin said nothing.

“He's it for me, bruv. Always been, him and me. Not father; not mentor. _The One_.” 

Eggsy flopped down to sit on the beach, caring bugger all about chafing skin or grinding gears. The wind whipped around him and his body rocked. He closed his eyes against the sting of the sand. Exhausted, Eggsy laid back. 

When Merlin caught his head in his lap, Eggsy wasn't surprised. His friend was always in the right place at the right time.

Merlin brushed sand from Eggsy's forehead with gentle strokes. “Nothing quite like the hurt of loving someone who’ll nae reciprocate.” 

Eggsy's eyes fluttered and stayed closed. “I'd rather a bullet, any day.”

They remained in companionable silence as the moon rose in the sky.

“That earn me a drink yet?” Eggsy asked as it rounded midnight.

Merlin untangled his fingers from Eggsy's hair and helped him stand. Walking with purpose, Merlin made his way not toward the car but a wooden staircase beside it.

Eggsy could feel the stiffness in his joints from the sand. Still, these models weren't nearly as sensitive as the last. He rucked up his pant leg and brushed off what he could. “Ain't this trespassing?” 

“Not if ye are the owner.” Merlin lifted the plate where the doorbell hung and unlocked the door with his palm print. 

Eggsy sighed at his ease of action. He would talk to Merlin about the program’s continued delay in recognizing his new hands another time.

In the kitchen, Merlin poured them each the tall glass he'd promised. “I confess, this brand's rather an acquired taste. But it was me Da’s and I’ve grown fond.” Merlin placed Eggsy’s serving on the table. “So don’ be a little shit.”

Eggsy surveyed the dark cider before taking a sip. Immediately, he regretted it. “Oi, wot the f-?” 

“Have ye something to say about me Da?” Merlin’s glare challenged him to make further comment on the honeyed drink. 

Eggsy shook his head. He wished he had something of his own dad’s to hold so dear. His hand went to the Kingsman medal at his neck and frowned. It hadn't been a symbol of his father's heroism for a long time. Instead, it was an anchor holding him back from moving forward. A tether to the man who’d presented it to him, placed the circle on a chain and clasped it 'round his neck decades before. 

Eggsy lifted the necklace over his head and held it between his thumb and forefinger. He kissed the medallion in farewell and expelled a long breath of air. “I'm done.”

Merlin held up a hand as if to stop him, but Eggsy met his eye with a determined gaze.

“Wasted half my life tied to that K. If decisions are what we get, think it's time I made a new one.” He dropped the medal in his glass and watched it sink like a stone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Album you may enjoy listening to during this story: Niall Horan's _Flicker Featuring the RTE Concert Orchestra - Live_  
>  (This was brought to my attention by @shespeaks. It's gorgeous.)
> 
> Additional songs you may enjoy after/during this story: "It Was Always You" by Maroon 5 and "Finding You" by Kesha  
> (These were stumbled upon by @eggsyobsessed and myself.)


	2. Chapter 2

Eggsy woke in the company of light snores, but he didn't remember falling asleep. 

Blinking in the dark, confused by the familiar yet wholly unwelcome sight of the training barracks, Eggsy wracked his brain for an explanation. 

_Fucking Merlin._

He'd been wondering what insane bachelor's party was planned. For Harry, Merlin would have planned something epic.

Eggsy ran through the events of the previous night, wondering if it was the nanoparticle injection or the cider that drugged him. All theories fell by the wayside when he realized he was staring down at his hands. 

“Shit!” _His hands._

When Eggsy unfroze, he clawed frantically at his face and head. 

“What're you doing?”

“Roxy?” Of course she'd be in this too, her uncle a groom. The rest of the wedding party, however, were nowhere to be seen. 

Eggsy shook his head and brought himself back to the point. There was only one explanation he could come up with that would give the illusion he had his limbs back. “If this is VR, we should be able to get the audio/visual device off.” But there was no equipment strapped to his head. “Maybe it’s contacts?” Eggsy stroked a finger over the lens of his eye.

“Crikey, Eggsy, what're you doing? It's not Virtual Reality!”

 _What did she know? She'd see her hair had gone from pixie cut to ponytail soon enough._ “Fucked up bachelor’s prank, that's what this is. Your uncle is a fucking piece o' work.”

Roxy blanched.

“Or no, this is probably Harry’s doing, innit? Bloody hell.” Eggsy grabbed at his wrists in disbelief, feeling the joints' natural movements. Skin, muscle, and bone; all where they should be. 

“This ain't fucking funny, arsehole!” He shouted at the double-sided mirror. “Cut the simulation right bloody now!”

“Hey!” Roxy got him in a choke hold and covered his mouth. “Get a hold of yourself,” her whisper was harsh in his ear. “I don't know how you know about my uncle, but this isn't some fucking simulation. So if you were having a nightmare or the like, it's time to wake the hell up.”

Roxy didn't let go until Eggsy's heart rate had returned close to baseline. 

As Roxy’s arms dropped, Eggsy threw back his blanket. He pointed and flexed his foot in awe. “What's today's date?”

Roxy hummed. “It's hard to keep track. One day just runs into the nex-.”

“Bullshit,” Eggsy snapped. “You know.” Roxy had a mind for detail; Eggsy saw her ignorance was a sham. 

“15 April.”

“The year, Rox.”

Roxy pulled away, more suspicion in her eyes than concern. “2013.”

 _No._ “That's not possible.”

The barracks door swung open. Merlin stepped in with his clipboard and a frown. 

If it was 2013, and Eggsy and Roxy were still in Kingsman training, then they should have been ready for the day's exercise, not sitting up in bed. 

Merlin had one word to say to them: “Move.”

Eggsy didn’t know if it was a dream, prank, drill, or test, but he couldn’t think of any harm that would come if he played along. 

He rolled his wrists and ankles once more before chasing Roxy to the loo. It was disorienting: running through the Kingsman barracks on his own legs. A wild dream, it had to be. 

Roxy and Eggsy met with their mentors after breakfast. The meetings happened a few days per month, usually before or after a demanding mental exercise. Eggsy slid into a chair beside Roxy and wondered what day his unconscious had cooked up for him. 

Harry sat across from Eggsy at the Table and Eggsy’s breath caught in his throat. Harry’s brown eyes were considering him with heated interest, and any lingering suspicion Eggsy had that this was a simulation washed away. A computer program wouldn't know that look; couldn't replicate it. A dream, however...

Eggsy's pulse quickened under Harry's amorous gaze. It had been so long since Eggsy stood on the receiving end of it, he'd nearly forgotten how amazing it felt. 

The whole day was a memory, without a doubt; one Eggsy could toy with lasciviously. 

Instead of shying away, as Eggsy had when he’d been intimidated by the flash and skill of the secret agency, Eggsy leaned into Harry's flirtations. He held Harry's eye longer, winked often, and wet his lips when he thought no one else was watching. 

At the armory, Eggsy got a bit careless; Merlin caught him making a suggestive gesture with a handgun. Despite years of practice steeling his expression, Eggsy couldn't hide the color that crept into his cheeks.

At Merlin’s order, the mentors took their candidates to the kennel before a run through the Kingsman estate. Percival led Roxy and Diana out toward an open field where the poodle would enjoy stretching her legs. Percival and Roxy would sparr after the run, return grass stained and exhausted. Harry, on the other hand, brought Eggsy and JB to the hills. 

Eggsy bit back a grin. In the dream, training day was going exactly as he remembered. The pace Harry set was brutal, but even JB, on his little pug legs, was finishing strong. 

The main building came into view. Eggsy could just make out a dark figure on the balcony. He dug into himself for an extra burst of energy and pulled past Harry toward it. 

When Eggsy first joined Kingsman he had assumed Merlin spent each waking moment staring at a screen; he’d thought Merlin had used hidden cameras and microphones to monitor his every move. Candidates didn't know about Merlin's roost. 

They were nearly at the building’s front steps when Eggsy decided Merlin was due a surprise visit. 

Eggsy surveyed the wall as Harry ran under the balcony and up the stairs. It wouldn't be an easy climb, but Eggsy was itching to put these dream limbs to the test. _Think happy thoughts and you could fly, yeah?_

Eggsy leapt for the first floor window with abandon. His fingers caught the ledge and his heart soared relishing the taste of his days free running through London.

Once he'd gotten his first foothold, the rest of his ascent was easier than anticipated. _Gotta love a proper fantasy._ He hoped Harry enjoyed the view of his backside and winked over his shoulder for good measure. 

Perched on the balcony rail, Eggsy felt a bit like a comic book superhero. 

Merlin watched him without comment. His mouth drawn in a line.

After working with him for years, Eggsy knew Merlin was softer than he appeared, but in the days of candidate training, none of the recruits would have guessed. 

“You were proper intimidating, bruv.” Eggsy gave his most cheeky grin, enjoying the trip down memory lane. “It's a good look on ya.” 

From below, Harry called out to him. “If you are quite done showing off, we have a schedule to keep.”

 

Arthur ordered the candidates to bring their dogs to the estate and Eggsy knew exactly what day he was reliving. Even if it were only in his mind, Eggsy was going to do this right.

He nicked a box of live rounds from Harry's collection and kissed JB on the nose. 

When Arthur held out the gun, Eggsy took it and waited for the moment he knew would come. Arthur’s eyes left Eggsy as he reached for his drink. _Now or never._

Swapping the blanks for bullets was a cinch. And he did it right under that cocky bastard's nose.

 

Arthur sipped the brandy and gave his smug, “Shoot the dog.” 

Eggsy fired without hesitation; marked Chester “Arthur” King straight between the eyes.

In an instant, Merlin was barreling into the room. He pounced on Eggsy like a beast to prey. 

Eggsy fell to the ground beneath him. “He's rotten,” Eggsy spoke straight into Merlin’s ear. “Working with Valentine. Check his neck, there's sure to be a scar. Bet my life on it.”

Merlin narrowed his eyes on Eggsy. Despite the scrutiny, Eggsy remained calm. 

But Merlin checked Arthur's neck and there was not a blemish. No wart nor mole. A deep tissue scan showed absence of chip as well.

Eggsy stared at the dead man, then laughed maniacally at the news. “Fucking hell.” _Valentine must not have gotten to him yet._ “Don't think that'll win Harry's heart.” Eggsy let Merlin apprehend him. “Some fucking fantasy, innit, mate? Finally get me wrists back and they end up in cuffs.”

The bang of Roxanne's gun sounded through the hall as Merlin walked Eggsy to HQ's lower levels. 

In the interrogation room, Eggsy’s laughter settled. It was astonishing, the way Merlin kept composed in light of his boss's point blank murder. The absurdity struck Eggsy and he gave a final snort. 

“What's gotten into you?” 

The mirrors of the room lit up. Analysis of Eggsy's facial expression, blood toxicity, pupil dilation, and heart rate scrolled across the screens. No signs of deliberate deceit. No drugs, no alcohol, nor implant. Merlin ran the program over and over again.

Eggsy yawned and wiped tears of amusement from his eyes. “Alarm should ring any minute, mate. Not sure I got much time for questions.”

“What alarm?” Merlin's eyes darted to the cameras in the room. “What've ye done?”

“Easy, 'Mish; I done nothing. This ain't real. A dream, innit? We can all relax. Chester was a fucking knob, anyway. He'd turned on Kingsman, even if Valentine didn't chip him yet.”

“Is that so?” 

Eggsy rolled his eyes dramatically. “Dreams is wish fulfillment, yeah? Got to gank King Wanker a second time.” A satisfied smile spread across his face. “Now, onto Harry. Already laying groundwork there, as you saw in the armory.”

“Hmm.”

“Supposed to get your wish in a dream. Find a bit of happy. Isn't that why people love sleep so much?”

Merlin leaned across the desk and shone a light in Eggsy's eyes. He pressed his fingertips to the lad's wrist, manually checking his pulse. 

Eggsy watched the head of Kingsman tech doubt his own programming, chuffed by the sight. 

Merlin furrowed his brow. He was surely stumped as to why Eggsy had lost his mind. “So you're dreaming.” 

“Mhm,” Eggsy said with a grin. 

“Spending an awful lot of your dream with me, don' ye think? If it's Harry ye lust after-.”

“Not lust,” Eggsy insisted. “Harry and I are fate. Well, when we get ourselves a chance. There's a reason he's the one who came to see me’n Mum after Dad... He’s the one got me out of trouble. He's been looking after me.”

Merlin sighed. “I'm sending you to Medical.”

That didn't bother Eggsy one bit. “Fine.”

“You _really_ think you're in a dream.”

“What else could it be? Time travel?”

Merlin's watch beeped a high priority alert and his attention was no longer on Eggsy. With a double tap to the side of his glasses, Merlin streamed a live feed. 

The blood drained from Eggsy’s face. He didn't need to witness the video to know what was coming next. “Merlin. On the off-chance this isn't a dream... don't send Harry to Kentucky alone.”

Merlin turned to Eggsy with a start. “What do you know about Kentucky?”

“This dream is like one huge bout of deja vu. South Glade Mission Church? It's a trap.”

“Course it is.” 

“The likes of which you've not seen.” Eggsy held Merlin's stare, desperate to be taken seriously. 

“You were wrong about Arthur, what's to say you're not wrong about this?”

“Send me with Harry. If I'm wrong, it's nothing. If I'm right, then maybe Harry comes back whole. Don't go losing more agents over this bastard Valentine. And I'm _not_ wrong about Arthur. Just because he weren't chipped yet, don't mean he hadn't sold us out to that crazy fuck.”

“If it's bad as you say, I won't send in an inexperienced recruit.” Merlin scanned the roster of available agents and considered Percival. “What do you think, Mr. Deja Vu? Percival the man for the job?”

“If it gets Harry back safe.”

“Should put your mind at ease to know he'll fight dirtier than the rest when situation calls for it. Though, he likes to keep his chav years quiet from the rest.”

“Fuck you; chav. That what you think of me?” Eggsy scoffed. “One day you'll owe me life and limb. But don't worry none, I won't hold this against ya.”

Merlin sat in quiet contemplation, wasting precious time. Eggsy's heart felt like it would beat right out of his chest. 

“Make a decision, mate. Please.”

“Awful casual today, aren't we?”

“Killed your Arthur and you’re worried about formalities.” Eggsy shook his head. “Bloody Christ, Hamish.”

Merlin tapped his glasses again and gave orders for a team to investigate Chester’s connections to Valentine. He then called Harry and Percival to send them on their way to the Americas.

Eggsy moped. “If they don't kill each other, they're gonna fuck in a pew among the corpses.”

“Jesus!” Merlin's face contorted in surprise and disgust. “Get yer arse in a cell. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Eggsy stood without apology. “Told ya, mate. This ain't right.” He made his way, without direction, to a holding cell. Punched a code independently and locked himself in. 

The longer he waited there, the less the day felt like a dream. He passed through stages of disbelief and fear before settling on the understanding that he'd have to sit tight and see what happened. Whatever this was, it was out of his control.

 

In the evening, Merlin returned with dinner for two and 6-pack.

“That your Da’s apple juice?”

Merlin blinked. “Suppose I shouldn't be surprised, should I?”

Eggsy eyed the drinks and accepted a bowl of stew. “You found dirt on that bastard, didn't ya?”

“A notebook in his desk. False drawer. Hidden rather in plain sight for one of us. But who'd think to look at the head of The Table for a traitor?”

“Arthur's table should'a been round anyway.”

Merlin broke a loaf of crusty bread and handed Eggsy half. 

“Gimme chance to congratulate Roxy on Lancelot before you throw me out?” Unless this was a fever dream, Eggsy’s days in Kingsman were coming to an end. She would agree to see him. If not out of concern for a fellow candidate and friend, her curiosity would bring them together for a goodbye. 

Merlin drained a bottle of cider in the time it took him to consider Eggsy’s request. 

While Merlin stalled, Eggsy savored the hearty meal. If Kingsman didn’t kill him for knowing too much, he’d be dismissed from service before long. It could be back to instant noodles and the budget grocer by morning.

>>>>>

_15 April 2018_

Eggsy woke, not in the Kingsman holding cell, but his mum's flat. 

If it was properly 2018, as his phone displayed, Eggsy should be snug in his private apartment, shaking off the lucid dream and preparing for Harry's bachelor's party. 

His childhood bedroom had been converted for Daisy after his first paycheck as a secret agent. Though he'd moved them to Wales for their own safety, he’d kept the place for family visits. Daisy’s penguin sheets should have been on the bed, but a closer look gave him pause; nothing in the room belonged to his little sister. 

Eggsy searched the apartment: no Kingsman tech, no fancy suits, no Daisy.

For Kingsman to have wiped evidence of _their own_ influence on his family made sense, but…

A second sweep of the apartment left Eggsy empty handed and nearly in a panic. “No, no-no-no-no-no.” Eggsy barreled through the apartment in search of some evidence to prove his sister's existence. He tried another look. And another.

He returned to his room and slammed the door hard enough it shook the walls. The sound of shattering glass drew his attention to the dresser. Eggsy's breaths came ragged as he lifted the fallen picture frame and turned it over.

Eggsy fell to his knees with a whimpering cry. His mind tried to reason with him. _This wasn’t real; it couldn’t be._ But his heart felt like it had been torn apart. 

“My girl. My Dais.” He knocked away the broken glass and kissed her smiling face. With the prayer card, he tucked her picture into his jacket pocket to keep her close. 

He took to Kingsman Tailors at a jog. His questions were piling up; the Kingsmen owed him answers.

At the shop window, Eggsy took the prayer card in his hands and read it carefully. _V Day._ Daisy died V Day.

Shooting Chester wasn't a dream, and the last memories he had weren't yesterday's.

Thoroughly perplexed, Eggsy took out his phone for the date. 15 April 2018. “If that's true,” Eggsy considered aloud, “then...” A headache built behind his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose to push down pain. 

A bell chimed overhead as he entered Kingsman Tailors. He squinted at the suits on display; there were three, in the style of a groom and his men. 

“Good morning, sir. Welcome to Kingsman.” Rose greeted Eggsy from behind a table laid with bolts of fabric. His eyes were keen. They assessed the man who so clearly couldn't afford the wares of his shop. 

Eggsy started to ask for Harry, hoping he could help make sense of the last 36 hours. He stopped short when he saw a pair of portraits hung prominently on the wall. Bedeviere. Tristan. V Day casualties, according to the gold plaques affixed to the frames. Unsung heroes. The blood drained from Eggsy’s face. 

“I’ll just have a look around,” he said. Fear guided him, but there were no other portraits on display. 

The shopkeeper busied himself, always with Eggsy in his line of sight. Unflinching, Eggsy made his way to the dressing rooms. 

The door to the main room was open just enough for Eggsy to see Percival preening among the mirrors.

“Mr. Rose, if I may, could I trouble you to see this in burgundy?” 

The tailor had taken to arranging shoes, but Percival held a necktie out through the thin space between the door and its frame, pretending not to notice it was Eggsy in the hall. 

Rose kept close watch of Eggsy; he was less subtle than he should have been for a Kingsman. It seemed everyone was off their game.

“If not burgundy, then perhaps a cordovan?” Percival’s hold on the tie was steady and patient.

Eggsy pushed his hand away. “Not your color, mate. I need to see Harry.”

Percival accepted the request quicker than Eggsy had anticipated. “All right.” As he tapped a message on his wristwatch, Percival asked, “Is Harry expecting you, Gary?”

Eggsy curled his lip. “You don't get to call me that.”

“OK,” Percival said with an unreadable expression. “He’ll be in shortly. Perhaps you’ll want to start your fitting?”

“Fitting?” Eggsy's eyes widened. “For a Kingsman suit?”

Percival gave a soft sigh, “Please, Eggsy, it's important to Harry. We're giving gifts to all our groomsman. This is yours.”

Eggsy jerked away from Percival's placating hand and raised his voice with the madness that had been brewing since Chester King died without an implant. “Wot's that now? Daisy dead and you're still getting married?”

A weight came to rest on Eggsy's shoulder. 

“Eggsy.” Harry's critical tone filled the room. “You'll conduct yourself in a manner befitting a gentleman in this place.”

Eggsy turned to see Harry had both his eyes; they stared at him with disapproval. Merlin, having arrived at the same time, stood aside with an averted gaze.

“No,” Eggsy argued. “You don't get to look at me like that. I gave you this life. And you lot couldn't be bothered to save my sister.” The thought ran on his mind like a treadmill. No matter how many times he said it aloud, his sister’s death remained in a hazy place between reality and dream.

Harry turned to Merlin with a huff. “Can’t reason with him when he gets like this.”

Before Eggsy could go off on Harry for speaking about him like he wasn’t in the room, Merlin stepped forward.

“Let's take a walk,” he said, beckoning Eggsy with a jerk of his chin.

Merlin brought him to a posh Italian place nearby where they talked over omelets. 

Eggsy used his fork to chop his egg to bits, but couldn't bring himself to eat. “This is a fucking nightmare.”

“Heard you say that before.”

“Yeah, but that was-.” Yesterday, his mind wanted him to believe. _In the span of a night, five years had passed._ Harry and Percival were getting married, like before, but something Eggsy had done yesterday changed the future. _Present. Whatever._

“I fucked up royal,” Eggsy stared into his plate. “I did this. I killed her.” Hot tears streamed down his cheeks. “Kingsman should have saved her, but it was me who...” _Harry wasn't shot. I was never made Galahad._ “It was me who was supposed to-.” Eggsy tried to summon memories of V Day from this life, but there were none. No matter how hard he tried, the past five years were a blank. 

“We are nae going down that road again, lad. And I won't be letting ye go there alone.” 

The waiter checked on their table. Despite their full plates of food, Merlin asked for the bill.

“Well, this has been crap, yeah?” Waking up five years forward made about as much sense as waking up in the past. “I'm going to the pub.” 

“Ye didn’t eat. And it looks like ye haven’t slept in days.” Merlin frowned.

Without mind for the restaurant or its patrons, Eggsy snapped at him, “What does it fucking matter?” 

 

Eggsy was down his umteenth beer when he slouched in the booth. 

He’d been asking, “Why Daisy?” for the better part of the day, but of course no answer would satisfy him. So, when Eggsy lifted his head and asked, “Why Percival?” Merlin laughed.

“I think he brings a bit of excitement into Harry's life,” Merlin mused. “Percival was a council kid, for a time. He sees the Kingsman grandeur and adventure with a verve Harry didn't. The two of ye would get along better than you think. Might even like him if ye tried half a wit.”

“Why am I a groomsman? Percy feeling pity on the poor kid, the drop out? That don't make no sense.”

Merlin sipped his cider. “Eggsy, you're a little shit. Got a chip on your shoulder won't budge, but Harry loves you.” He saw Eggsy's eyes light up. “Aye, thinks of you like a son. Would treat you as such too, if you'd return his calls more'n twice a year.”

Eggsy's face pulled back in a grimace. “A son? No.” The shake of his head started slow then picked up speed. “No-no-no, that's just, no.” 

“We can keep calling him your _mentor_ , but you know it’s more than that.”

Eggsy tugged at his shirt collar, feeling restless. His fingers brushed the necklace he kept close to his heart. Instinctively, Eggsy held onto the pendant for comfort. It felt heavy in his hand.

“No one's stepping in for Lee. Harry’s told ye, your Da was a great man. He just wants to look out for ye. Wants what's best for ye.”

Eggsy snapped and the broken chain spilled into his palm. “What's best for me is _not_ him marrying _Percival_.” 

“Well, maybe he needs a little of what's best for him too.”

“Best for him?” Eggsy stood up, eyes set and determined. “Best for him, is me.” 

For reasons unknown to him, Eggsy reared his arm back and threw the medal to the table. It landed in Merlin's drink with a plunk.


	3. Chapter 3

Eggsy woke in the barracks with Roxanne and adrenaline flooded his veins. _It had happened again._ For whatever reason, he'd been given a chance to make things right. He could save Daisy and get his man; he wouldn't mess it up.

 

This time Eggsy shot at JB with the blank and told Arthur off for yet another mind-fuck test.

“Ya want agents to trust you after this? The fuck you think you are?”

But he'd fired before Roxy. Eggsy reasoned that even with his bit of insubordination, Lancelot’s seat was his. If not, Eggsy would find a way to keep Daisy safe on his own. 

He grabbed JB, stole a Kingsman car, and headed home. 

“Eggsy!” His mum said in greeting. She fixed her hair in front of her face, hiding bruises Eggsy had seen before. “How are you, darling? What are you doin’ here?” 

Eggsy pulled her into a hug and melted against her chest. “You’ve got to get away from him, mum,” he pleaded. “I’m gonna help you, all right? You and Daisy are gonna be safe.”

“Of course you will, sweetheart.” She smiled at Eggsy the way mothers do when their child’s dreams are out of reach.

The flat was quieter than usual. He peeked over his mum’s shoulder. “Where’s our girl?”

With Daisy at a playdate until evening, Eggsy’s hope for cuddles took a spot on the back burner. 

He couldn’t sit around waiting without hunting down his step-father and putting him through a wall, so Eggsy considered another plan to fill the hours.

He rang up Jamal for help. 

 

Jamal laughed as Eggsy explained his interest in Harry and came over straightaway. 

 

“This professor man,” Jamal said reclining on Eggsy’s bed, “he a posh type, yeah? Say he's looking for a bit of rough?”

Eggsy rifled through his dresser in a hurry. “His... last boyfriend was from our part.” _Merlin had mentioned it more than once. That’s important, innit?_ “He liked the thrill of it, or somethin'.” 

Jamal held out a gold chain and the cap from his own head. “Dress the part, like we know you can. It'll get him hooked. Ain't no one thrilling as you,” his friend said with a wink.

“Chav gear, you think? All that?” Eggsy went to the back of his closet and put together an outfit. Most of his clothing was off-brand, but Jamal sprinkled a few designer items throughout his costume. 

“Spot on.” Jamal took a look at his handiwork. “You look good, bruv. Might do rough your speech a bit. Gotta get him thinking you're from estates.”

“This is still home, ya know. He _knows_ where-.”

“Yeah, but you act above your station.”

“Sod off.”

“Not a bad thing, bruv. Shite attitude. I'm saying, you've changed since spending months with your pretentious uni friends. Pickin’ up this guy, said yourself, ya needed a bit of old Eggsy.”

 

Dressed and eager, Eggsy hopped into the Kingsman car and waited. The engine turned over and navigation started without him having to lift a finger. He let the car take him to Harry's apartment. 

And damn if Harry didn't look delicious staring down at him from the window. Like cock of the walk, Eggsy went to him. 

“Kingsman won't have me,” Eggsy said as he laid his hand on Harry's chest. “But you will, yeah?” He gazed into Harry's eyes and felt him take a sharp breath. 

Eggsy's hand slid into Harry's hair and pulled him into a bruising kiss. 

Harry guided them to the sofa and groaned into Eggsy's mouth. He squirmed under the weight of Eggsy settling on his lap. 

Eggsy chuckled as he kissed Harry's neck. “Bones creaking already? You need to sit down?” He nibbled on his ear before taking the lobe between his teeth for a bite. “I'll not go easy on an old codger.”

Harry jerked beneath him, but Eggsy held him in place. 

“That best ya got?” Eggsy nagged on, forcing a sneer; playing a part he wasn't entirely comfortable with. But he saw the arousal in Harry's eyes, felt it against his thigh, and couldn't cheat himself out of the opportunity.

 _This will be the push we need, that's all. Keep Percival off his mind a while so I can carve out my place._

 

As they moved to the bedroom, a trail of clothes in the hall, Eggsy grinned. _Won't be drifting to see me like a son this time._

>>>>>

Eggsy woke in a bedroom he immediately recognized as Harry's. He checked his phone and marveled at his luck: 5 years forward. Beside him, Harry frowned in his sleep.

With a delicate touch, Eggsy traced the shell of his man's ear. The taste of it was still fresh in his mind. Eggsy's finger drew a line along the curve of Harry's neck, over his shoulder, and down his arm. Eggsy's lips followed the trail. 

Eggsy was pressing soft kisses into sleep-warmed skin when Harry woke.

With a sniff, Harry shifted up on the pillows. “What are you doing?” he asked groggily. Harry sat up further and his arm slipped from Eggsy's grasp. 

To keep Harry close, Eggsy wrapped himself around his middle. “Lovin' on ya, ain’t I?” He nuzzled into Harry’s side and a hum of contentment rumbled in his throat.

“Eggsy,” Harry scolded. “Eggsy, I have plans.” Harry pulled Eggsy's arms from his waist and got up. 

“Bloody hell, you have such a great arse. Do I tell you that enough? Pops, yer ass is... fuck.” Eggsy heard himself call Harry “Pops” before he realized what he was doing. It rolled from his tongue as if it had been said dozens of times. 

Harry shook his head. “Always so eloquent.” Still in the buff, Harry found his wallet and took out a stack of notes. He placed them on the nightstand.

“Fuck's that for?” Eggsy wished he could catch himself before he spoke. Harry wasn’t one to mind foul language when the moment called for it, but he probably considered this overkill. 

Harry tipped his head back, looking tired, and fiddled with his left eye. “Take it. I'm not paying you for the night; it's just to get you home. Do us a favor. Take it.” With a grunt and a grumble, Harry plucked the eye from its socket: inorganic. Kingsman made, if Eggsy were to guess. Harry stepped over a pile of clothes, entered the bathroom, and locked the door behind him with a click. The sound of running water soon followed.

Eggsy stared at the money, rubbing his eyes. “The fuck?” 

He checked his phone again. 2018. Five years since their first time and he was dating Harry. No. Five years since, and Harry was _paying him_ after sex. 

Eggsy wasn’t a Kingsman, then. With a service salary it would be ridiculous for Harry to cover cab fare. _Guess Chester wasn't one to forgive and forget. Go figure._

Eggsy sucked in a breath and jumped from the bed. A second life where he suffered no injury; perk of being a civilian. If not Kingsman, Eggsy wondered who he was now.

A look at the floor told him everything. Pristine snapback, Nike Air Max, and massive brand logos on the track suit at his feet. Eggsy pulled on the clothes, even more disappointed at their perfect fit. He looked in the mirror and, “Fuck!” _Full-chavvy-wanker._

Eggsy turned away from his reflection in favor of finding Daisy. He sent word to Mum he’d like to take them out.

Mum sent her regrets. For reasons she indicated Eggsy would understand, she had run off to stay with a friend a few days. 

_Fucking, Dean._ Eggsy seethed. His step-father should have been long gone by now; she should have been safe in her country home -- another set of failures on Eggsy’s part.

Eggsy was on his way out of Harry’s townhouse when Merlin walked in with Percival. 

Merlin’s face fell at the sight of him. “Lovely.”

“Oi. Wot's he doing here?” Eggsy scowled at Percival's open smile. 

Percival held up a basket of food and a checkered blanket. Eggsy looked him up and down. The pastel cardigan and newsboy cap completed the picture of domestic perfection. 

Percival's kind expression wavered, but didn't slip. “I'm sorry? Are you a friend of Harry's?”

Merlin gestured between them. “This is... Eggsy.” Merlin said his name like it left a sour taste in his mouth.

A spark of recognition flitted across Percival's face. “Ah. A pleasure.”

“All right, Percival?” Eggsy raised his hand in a heartless greeting. “What's good?”

“Well, um, Eggsy... There's a few things in here you might like.” Percival lifted one side of the basket and sorted through its contents.

Eggsy squinted at him. “Really?” he asked no one in particular, rolling his eyes. He sighed as his sight landed on Merlin. “This guy. This who he chose?” Eggsy dragged a hand over his face. “Life's a fucking joke, innit?”

Merlin glared at him in response. 

With a grunt, Eggsy shooed Merlin off. He'd never been any help in this anyway.

“Will you be joining us for the picnic?” Percival assessed their basket. “We have more than enough for you to come along. It'd be nice to get to know you better.”

“It'd be nice?” 

“Swell!” Percival placed the basket on an end table and made his way toward the kitchen. “We have a few bottles of Hammie's drink, but I'll grab another sparkling wine just in case.”

Eggsy raised an eyebrow at the man’s enthusiasm and released a quiet chuckle. “Is he fucking daft?” 

“Nae.” Merlin frowned as Percival disappeared down the hall. “He's a gentleman.”

“A gentleman wot calls you Hammie.” Eggsy's shoulders bounced with amusement. “So what’s this shite?” He waved to the picnic set up. “He gonna propose? Cause me 'n Harry fucked last night so I don't think-.”

Merlin grabbed Eggsy by the collar and cornered him against the wall in one move. His hardened, hazel eyes bore into him. All these years and it was the first Eggsy noticed the mossy mix of green, gold, and brown. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Merlin hissed.

What explanation could Eggsy give that wouldn't sound absolutely insane? “I woke up like this.” His whisper trembled under Merlin's gaze. Pressed between Merlin and the wall, Eggsy found his chav persona fall away. “You wouldn't understand. This isn't who I am. Not who I wanted to be.”

Merlin stared a moment longer before shoving Eggsy away. “Get out. And don't...” Merlin's voice trailed off and returned weary. “Don't come back.”

Harry and Percival came through the hall to the foyer with matching smiles. 

Eggsy had seen that light in Harry's eyes before, the day his Harry had come back from his first date with the old Percival. And it shone nearly every day since then up to their rehearsal dinner.

Maybe this Harry had looked at Eggsy like that sometime over the past five years, but Eggsy couldn't remember. 

Harry's gaze settled on Eggsy and his smile changed, became guarded. “I believe you left your phone on the dresser.”

“Nah, bruv. Got it here.” Eggsy held up his mobile and squared off his shoulders. He wasn't interested in the money. Even if that's who this life had made him, Eggsy didn't need the cash. He'd find the pub, a cider, if that's all it took. He'd fix everything. 

“Maybe it was a video game then? I thought I heard a 'beep.'” 

Eggsy's hand went instinctively to his pocket. He knocked against the system there. 

Percival laughed as he tucked the bottle of wine into the basket. “All these gadgets; I'll never keep up. Give me my glasses and my watch, I'm good for the long haul.”

Eggsy scoffed, feeling personally offended. _A Kingsman turning up his nose at tech? Gadgets were the only thing keeping them alive._ He crossed in front of Merlin to tell Percival off, “You're full o’ shit.”

Percival ignored the anger in Eggsy's voice. “Oh, I don't know, Eggsy. I look forward to a simple life.” He and Harry shared a smile; Eggsy thought he might gag.

~*~*~

At the park Eggsy watched Harry and Percival dance around their obvious and mutual attraction. When Harry complained his back needed a stretch, it was Percival who stood first to take him for a stroll around the pond.

Eggsy ransacked the picnic basket to keep his eyes off the pair. Every glance up showed them walking close, laughing quietly, and gazing at each other adoringly. 

“Why does this keep happening?” 

“Sorry what?” With his back against a tree, Merlin was stretching his legs in the shade. His eyes flitted from here to there, mapping the area and cataloging its occupants. 

The bit of normalcy Eggsy found in Merlin was grounding. He could pretend the man beside him was still a friend and ally. Even if, in this life, the comfort was a lie.

Eggsy produced a bottle of cider from the basket and breathed his relief. Assuring himself all it took was his necklace and a cup of drink to undo what's been done, Eggsy threw caution to the wind. 

“Why won't he look at me like that?” _The old Harry used to look at me like that; like I was the only one in the room._

Merlin kept careful watch of a duck and its mate. Though he seemed overly invested in their squabble, and less so in Eggsy’s question, Merlin answered him with a bit of gruff. “Cole’s the friend who takes him on surprise picnics at the park. You're the bloke he gets drunk with over war stories and regrets in the morning. You disappear for months on end. And when you do come back, you're in the way.”

“I don't want to be in the way. I want to be his.”

Merlin's head turned so fast Eggsy thought he'd feel a breeze. “Are you taking the piss?”

Eggsy answered in earnest. “I'm trying to be the man Harry falls in love with.”

Merlin blinked hard. “And ye come up with _this_?”

Eggsy looked down at himself and shrugged. “Hooked him five years, dinnit?”

“Jesus,” Merlin scoffed and took a bottle of cider from Eggsy's hand. “You really are a little shit.”

“I love him.”

“Ye don't know what love is, lad.” Merlin brought the drink to his lips and tipped his head back.

Eggsy waited for Merlin to finish before he asked, “If, hypothetically, I got another chance, what should I do differently?”

“Everything probably; and it still wouldn't make him love you the way ye want.” Merlin regarded him with disappointment and pity. “Ye were someone else at the start. Least, I thought.” 

Merlin opened a second bottle for himself. “Look, ye cannae change the past. But you can do what's right and step away now.”

“So Harry can do what? Settle on _him_?”

Harry and Percival were stopped on a low foot bridge looking very much like the front of a greeting card. 

Eggsy clutched the last bottle of cider to his chest.

“Harry deserves a chance to be truly happy. If that's with Percival, he's a lucky man. He doesn't need ye dragging him down, holding him back.”

Eggsy raked his thumb nail over the ridged bottle cap and wondered aloud. “What's Percival give him that I don't, eh?”

The shade had moved so Merlin's legs were now half in the sun. His shoes sat neatly to the side; his feet were warming in the grass. Eggsy looked on fondly as Merlin’s toes flexed and curled. It was silly, really, how much comfort he could draw from one small thing.

Merlin sat up straighter as he noticed Eggsy watching. “He’s dependable, loyal--”

Eggsy’s heart cinched at the implication. “Fuck you, I'm loyal,” he spat. He wanted to shove Merlin’s stupid feet down his stupid throat for suggesting otherwise.

Merlin thrust his drink toward Eggsy, accentuating his appeal. “Ye fuck him; disappear; flaunt your one offs... Can ye see yourself? Can ye really see?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Eggsy pried the lid off the bottle. “Cause you see everything.”

“Aye. Comes with the job.” 

Eggsy sat forward, challenging Merlin to take notice of his anomaly. “Then look at me now. What do you see today?”

Merlin shook his head. “Your life's a product of your decisions, Eggsy. Moments come, options present themselves, and we all make choices. I'll nae understand why you made the choices ye have. Not when ye seemed fit for so much more than this. But this life is yours.”

Eggsy sat on that and had a drink. 

Percival brought Harry to a bench and the ducks flocked to their feet. _Of course he would bring pellets for the damn birds._

“So Harry would love me if I were more like Percival, yeah?”

“I didn't say-- Are ye not listening?” Merlin sighed. “Know that is a choice as well--”

“If I were Kingsman -- best there was -- that'd prove I'm all the things this Harry thinks this Eggsy's not.” Eggsy scooted closer to the tree with the same enthusiasm he had when learning of a new mission. He looked to Merlin with vested interest.

“What's this now?”

“Percival's a sniper, yeah?” The bottle in Eggsy’s hand was getting light. He propped it against the basket so he wouldn't drain the last. “Tell me everything.” 

“This won't change what’s between you.”

Eyes wide, ears open, Eggsy nodded. “Yeah, yeah, sure. Tell me anyway.”

Merlin recounted Percival's attributes, good and bad, and let Eggsy pick up the pieces. “But, lad, you’ll turn out all right. Ye be yourself, not whatever this is.”

Eggsy frowned, “Ya jus' gestured to all of me.” 

Merlin didn't deny it. “Find _you_ ,” he insisted. “If there is a thing as fate, it'll come on its own.”

“Harry's _The One_ for me, guv. Just gotta get him to see I'm his.”

The remaining cider was enough to fill a champagne flute to the brim. 

Eggsy grabbed the necklace in his fist and yanked hard. He felt the chain snap against his neck. After a kiss and a wish, he lowered the Kingsman circle into his glass. 

 

There wasn't even time to tell Merlin “thanks” before Eggsy was waking in the barracks again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to express my gratitude to each of my readers - those who've subscribed, left kudos and comments, made bookmarks, and those who choose to remain anonymous. Thank you for giving this story a chance. I truly appreciate your support. Please, enjoy.

It wasn’t really a cheat the time Eggsy called the dog test what it was. He knew how to feel the weight of blanks vs live rounds. A skill many agents would have picked up had they been through the drill so many times. From there, he’d hoped his successes and achievements at Kingsman would build. 

Eggsy devoted himself to the agency – dedication, loyalty, 100% effort. He swore the same to Harry. 

Everything he did in training set him up to be better, faster, smarter. It took multiple attempts, but Eggsy had the time. He’d become the best spy Kingsman ever trained.

>>>>>

He woke to the muffled hum of a jet engine and the taste of recycled air. The Kingsman aircraft touched down at HQ with hardly a bump, and Eggsy sat forward to scan the mission file at hand. Reviewing details, he calculated how much time would be wasted on debriefing and paperwork.

There was one conversation he needed to have before midnight. All he wanted to know was if the foundation he’d laid had supported a relationship with Harry long-term. This plan had failed before. Still, it was the best he had; the closest he’d come to getting his man.

Harry was sitting at the head of the Table when Eggsy arrived. 

Roxy leaned in to speak at Eggsy’s ear. “You make your apologies yet?”

“What for?” Eggsy stretched the cramps of travel from his limbs.

She pinched him under the table. “Mission ran over and you missed your own engagement party, that’s what for. Arthur’s right pissed. One of us could have stepped in if you weren’t so stubborn.”

 _Engagement._ Eggsy relaxed into the chair, feeling a weight had been lifted. 

He watched his fiance conduct himself professionally through the meeting. Harry seemed a bit stiff, but fine. This offense could be smoothed over easily enough. A little reminder of love, an apology, as Roxy suggested, was all that was needed.

When the others had been dismissed, Eggsy hung around to speak with Harry in private.

“Know you're gorgeous, yeah?” Eggsy walked up between Harry's legs and held his face in his hands. His thumbs caressed the silver hair at his temples. “Miss me when I'm gone?”

Harry smiled, but there was sadness in his eyes. Appropriate, Eggsy thought, for repeatedly seeing his man off to a never ending war. 

“I always do.” Harry's kiss was harder than Eggsy anticipated, claiming, almost like he was trying to prove something. But then, Harry’s had never been a gentle love.

Eggsy smiled in the playful way Harry liked and nipped at his nose. When his teasing efforts earned him a tug into Harry's lap, Eggsy’s heart leapt. He pulled Harry in for a snog. 

“Let's get our party sorted, shall we?” Eggsy asked when they’d come up for air.

To reschedule their engagement party seemed like a simple task, until he opened the calendar on Arthur’s tablet. When Eggsy saw each date was nearly full, he had a closer look. Apparently Galahad volunteered for every mission that came across the table - and then some. Arthur kept himself well occupied, too.

Harry’s hands slid around him for a squeeze, then settled at his hips. The ghost of Harry’s teeth on his neck was distracting, but not enough so that he’d miss the bar across the top of each calendar day.

Eggsy rubbed at his ear, more irritated than aroused by Harry's tickling streams of breath. He scrolled quickly through the year. In November the meaning of the notification was clear: a countdown to Harry’s retirement.

“Tonight,” Eggsy announced as Harry held him, his grip enough to bruise. “We’ll invite everyone to dinner tonight. Whoever can make it, will be there. It’ll be perfect. For you, I will make it perfect.” 

Eggsy kissed Harry’s lips and nose before peeling himself away to stand. “I have work to do. I’ll send you details for tonight.” As he headed out, the ache of Harry's fingers lingered on his hips.

~*~*~ 

The restaurant was decorated tastefully. Daisy twirled on the small dance floor to the music of a string quartet. Ambient lighting caught the stones in her dress and made her sparkle. Harry made his rounds among their guests, looking impeccable as always in grey.

If one particular guest hadn't arrived smelling like wine barrel and another like a distillery, it could have been perfect.

 

Percival was a honking mess even before the servers asked him to choose an entree.

Eggsy thought he would be happy to lord his victory over the man, but seeing him fall apart brought Eggsy no satisfaction.

During a quick stop at the bar for crackers and fizzy drink, Eggsy asked Merlin if they'd developed improvements on the sobriety capsules yet.

Merlin stared up at him with glassy eyes and rosy cheeks. “Might 'a done.” He knocked back a tumbler of dark liquor and asked the barkeep for another.

“Ok, well, maybe take one?” Eggsy tipped the bar for his items, then looked back at Merlin with a shake of his head. “Was hoping you'd lend a hand with Cole tonight.”

Unblinking, Merlin swallowed another glass of scotch. 

Eggsy looked from Percival to Merlin, undecided. He was supposed to be finally celebrating his engagement, not babysitting grown men.

He watched as Harry walked Percival to the toilets, valiantly saving the potted plants from further desecration.

With an anxious look toward the bathroom door, Eggsy placed a stack of crackers and a ginger ale in front of Merlin. “Get sorted, mate,” he pleaded. “I'm so close this time.”

With a tap on the counter, Merlin signaled his request for a refill. 

Eggsy held out a second, generous tip for the barman, “No more hard stuff.” 

Merlin grumbled something indiscernible and Eggsy headed across the restaurant.

Harry was blotting Percival’s cheeks with a wet towel when Eggsy found them at the sink. 

“I'll take him home,” Eggsy insisted, with the hope Harry would enjoy what was left of their dinner party. “See you in a bit.”

~*~*~ 

In the backseat, Percival moaned his discomfort.

“All right over there?”

“I’m sorry, Gary. I’m so sorry.”

Eggsy peered at him through the rear-view. “Did you ruin the leather? No worries.”

“I’m in love with Harry,” Percival said in a pained whisper. “Been as such for years.” 

Eggsy had another look and saw Percival’s face pressed against the rain dappled window. Something like pity coiled in his stomach. “Have a cracker, mate. You're all right.”

“I told him; when you were out on the last assignment.”

Eggsy drove the rest of the way with the windows down. He used the noise of the city as an excuse for his silence. 

Lost in thought, Eggsy missed several turns and had to double back. But even after extra time spent in the car, Eggsy was unsure how to handle Percival's confession.

When they were stopped at the correct address, Eggsy noticed Percival lived only a stone’s throw from Harry’s townhouse. He laid his misgivings aside, forcing trust over suspicion. “You’ll be OK on your own?”

Percival nodded his head slowly with a whimper. “Be fine.” He fumbled with the door handle before tripping over the curb. 

“Easy, Cole,” Eggsy groused. “I’m comin’.” 

When Eggsy rounded the car, Percival was sitting on the sidewalk looking rumpled and forlorn.

With a sigh, Eggsy joined him. 

The grey sky cast the evening a muted filter. Sights and sounds, even the smell of damp cement and exhaust, were dulled by its mist. 

“Want me to request staff bring you a Nanocapsule?” 

Percival watched his shoes soak in the runoff. He shrugged and his frown grew deeper.

“They’re not shit as they were,” Eggsy advertised. _Not since R &D started to let an anonymous ‘staffer’ nudge them in the right direction._ He'd meant to nick one off Merlin at the bar. _Sodding Merlin._ If he didn’t slow down, Eggsy would be wiping sick off his chin as well.

Wet arsed, Eggsy shifted uncomfortably, but his companion was still. If Percival wasn't in a rush to move, Eggsy wasn't going to force him. So, they sat.

Eventually, Eggsy worked up courage to ask the question on his mind. “What did Harry say?” His heart raced as if it already knew the answer.

“Harry?” Percival sniffed.

“When you told him you’re in love.”

Percival’s shoulders started to tremble and Eggsy winced. “Told me he wished I hadn’t said anything.”

“That fuckin’ wanker.” Eggsy bit his lips, surprised by his own response. “Uh, look,” he pushed on, trying to cover his outburst with chatter, “I’ll have someone here in a bit with the nano. You’ll feel fit in no time. Let’s get you washed up some, eh? You’re all right, mate.”

Eggsy all but dragged Percival to the loo, tossed him in the shower, and shut the door. 

Merlin promised to be there within the hour. He made it in twenty minutes. Sullen, but sober. Nanocapsule in hand.

“Cheers,” Eggsy greeted Merlin on the stoop, relieved. 

Merlin’s response was soft. “I’m here for ye.” He stood resolute at the door, awaiting invitation, while Eggsy stared at the reflection of himself in Merlin’s eyes. 

When Eggsy did step aside, Merlin collapsed his umbrella with a snap. He went to help Percival without another word. 

Left at the foyer, Eggsy wondered if he had done wrong in asking Merlin over. He wished he could remember what had Merlin’s heart heavy. He wished he could remember if it was a safe subject about which to ask. But the last five years were a blank, as always.

 

Freshly bathed, dressed, and drugged, Percival climbed into bed slurring apologies. He hugged a pillow against his chest and buried his face in it to let the capsule do its work. 

Eggsy watched Merlin bring a blanket about Percival’s shoulders and wish him happier dreams. Merlin handled Percival with a tenderness that left Eggsy wondering why his dear friend hadn’t found a love of his own. 

_Maybe he had._ A pang of emotion struck behind Eggsy’s ribs - condolence, remorse, it all felt tangled and confused. He kept his thoughts and feelings on the matter to himself.

At Merlin’s suggestion, they left Percival to sleep it off. “A walk around the block,” he proposed. 

Eggsy was grateful for the detour; he wasn’t ready to face the party again. Merlin opened his umbrella at the door and ushered him into the night.

The pitter-patter of rain overhead muffled the sounds of traffic. They huddled close to keep dry. 

Eggsy usually found it amusing to use Kingsman tech as anything other than weaponry or deceit. Today, however, he was grateful for the simple function of shelter.

Eggsy’s heart ached as his breath caught in his lungs. The open air was supposed to make things more bearable, but even an innocent brolly reminded him of Harry. He wondered who owned the second umbrella at rest beside Percival’s door. And he hated himself for it. 

Merlin's shoulder bumped his under the shared cover, and Eggsy remembered to breathe again.

“Cole loves him. I love him,” Eggsy mumbled aloud, but really to himself.

Merlin nodded quietly. 

“This is the part where you say,” Eggsy put on his best impersonation of the Scotsman, “'Ye don' know what love is, lad.'”

“Aye. Could be something I might have said.” Merlin watched the passersby as they ducked into shops to wait out the impending downpour. 

“Why doesn't he love me, Merlin?” Eggsy came to a stop, his voice breaking with the question. 

Merlin waited at his side, stalwart, patient, and firm. But he wouldn’t turn to meet Eggsy’s eyes. 

“You've known this whole time, haven't you? Why didn't you tell me?”

“I've tried telling ye before.”

Eggsy laughed without mirth. He hung his head and let it rest on Merlin's arm, a feather-light touch. 

Was no version of him capable of listening to wise counsel? “Could ya have tried harder?”

“When could I have said?” Merlin held Eggsy at the elbow with a timid, trembling hand. “While ye were in San Juan; Istanbul; Madeira?”

Eggsy stepped away with silent apology - for his arrogance, for his carelessness, for invading Merlin's space. 

He turned down the street and past their pair of parked cars. Even as the clouds unleashed their torrent, Eggsy remained indifferent to the loss of shield. 

“Where are you off to?” Merlin stood, confused.

“I need a drink.” Eggsy looked back at his friend, squinting through the rain. “Ya coming?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to express my gratitude to each of my readers - those who've subscribed, left kudos and comments, made bookmarks, and those who choose to remain anonymous. Thank you for giving this story a chance. I truly appreciate your support. Please, enjoy.

Before he could feel disheartened by his hand in Percival’s misery, Eggsy thought of a new approach. For a while, he tried for normal. Save the world; save his friends; but _mostly_ get back to where they’d begun. 

He tried to keep his training days the same as when he'd been introduced to the secret service. He got damn close a few times too, but for warning Harry about Valentine outside the Church; and the minor suggestions he left in the Kingsman system (to speed up developments in the lab); and the varying sealed letters he left Merlin, with instructions to open years later or not at all. 

They had mixed results. All ended with a glass of cider and a sunk medal.

>>>>>

The sun beat down on him. Its reflection danced on the water. Eggsy squinted against the cheerful rays with a scowl, daring nature to take its mockery further.

Eggsy couldn’t put his finger on what he’d done -- maybe the trip and fall during his circuit run with Harry. Could something as simple as a pair of skinned knees change their future so much? He hadn’t thought so, but its result felt the worse yet.

Eggsy sat on the steps of Merlin’s beach house, cider in hand. He’d smashed a window to get it from inside the house; easy and painless with the prosthesis Merlin and R&D had perfected for him. The security alarm had rung, alerting Kingsman of a break-in, but no one batted an eye when Eggsy called it off. 

If the medallion had brought him just a month earlier, Eggsy wouldn’t have been drinking alone. 

Eggsy was into his next six-pack when a car pulled up onto the sand. The breeze caught the scent of Percival’s cologne. Eggsy held out a bottle as he was joined on the steps.

“Sometimes the hurt feels unbearable, doesn’t it.”

Eggsy wasn’t up for commiseration, but nodded anyway. “Got the feeling I’m cursed or something.”

Percival accepted the drink with bruised and battered hands. “I know it’s not the time, but I fear it may never be--”

“If you have something to say, now _is_ the time, Cole.”

Percival sucked in a breath, eyes on the horizon, and exhaled in a rush. “Why did you save me, over them?”

In the shock of his double loss - Harry and Merlin - Eggsy hadn’t had the energy to look up the circumstances surrounding their deaths. It hadn’t felt relevant; he wouldn’t stay here.

In answer to Percival, Eggsy considered his training. “Statistically, you must have had best chance of survival.” He sounded like a robot, cold and calculating.

Eggsy worried, if all had been equal, the dilemma of who he'd choose. He’d grown accustomed to Merlin’s company, his support and presence; a life without him seemed unnatural. And Harry, well--

“I never told him,” Percival interrupted Eggsy's thoughts. “Harry. I never said…” 

“That you loved him.”

Seagulls laughed overhead. Eggsy flipped them off as they flew down the beach.

Though the birds had passed, Percival raised his hand in a two fingered salute of his own. Eggsy guessed he was cursing whatever higher power he believed in. 

When he brought his hand down, Percival resumed his usual posture: straight back, open expression, deceptive calm in the face of death. “You knew?”

“Why didn’t you… say something?”

“You and Harry always had that ‘will-they-won’t-they’ thing going on. Is that strange? It was just a feeling; I mean no offense.” Percival pushed at the damage done to his left hand, unflinching. “After everything you’d been through, losing your family and our Lancelot, I didn’t want to get in the way of a chance for you to be happy.” Percival turned his eyes back to the water. “Harry was a person that could make someone happy.”

Eggsy’s frown twisted; once upon a time, Harry and Percival had brought each other joy. The memory left him feeling more sadness and guilt than jealousy.

“You had a special connection with Merlin well as,” Percival said quietly, and he laid his hand atop Eggsy’s. “That much was clear.” 

Eggsy was surprised by the sensation of their hands together, as if some mechanism in the prosthesis sparked neural activity that hadn't activated when his hand shattered the double paned glass. R&D had worked much harder on this model than any they had built for him before. 

“I don't even know which of them I miss more.” Eggsy dug his feet in the sand as he admitted it out loud. With Harry’s medal in one hand and Merlin’s cider in the other, Eggsy had a piece each of them. He finished his drink and opened another. “So you want to get drunk on some god awful cider?”

“Can’t be all that bad.”

Eggsy raised an eyebrow.

“You’re drinking it.”

Eggsy took a long pull off the bottle. “I am.” 

He sat with Percival and watched the setting sun. Then, it was time to see his friends again.

>>>>>

After a training day from hell, Eggsy woke in the council estates. It was Mum's apartment, but Mum and Daisy were long gone. With the way the past had fallen apart, Eggsy wasn’t surprised.

He didn't give himself time to grieve. Instead of going straight to Merlin, as he was accustomed, Eggsy found himself at the corner store scouring the shelves for something familiar. As he stared at the rows of alcohol, it dawned on him he had no idea what brand to buy.

Rain came down in sheets as he walked the familiar path across town. Eggsy shook with chill, but his steps didn’t waver. This life would be behind him soon enough. Merlin's homes were always well stocked, even when he wasn't there to invite Eggsy in. 

"You." Merlin said when he answered the door. "How did ye know where I--"

The paperthin, dreamlike indifference he felt toward his friend alerted Eggsy to their distance in this life. Eggsy let it fade as he watched his dear friend tilt his head and take his measure. 

“Today's the day I wake up." Eggsy didn’t have to do maths to understand the weariness of his soul.

"Ah. ‘The Curse.’" Though this life had made them near strangers, Merlin's use of air quotes cut Eggsy to his core. 

"Don't do that. Ya never believe. And I come to peace with it. But you've never treated me like a joke, never." He’d had a feeling including the time loops in Merlin’s latest letters was a poor choice.

All traces of mockery drained from Merlin's expression. "Would ye like to come in?"

"Just need a bottle of cider and I'll be on me way."

"We can talk over a drink. Ye can tell me what you've been up to the past five years."

Eggsy grit his teeth. "I really can't.” He'd learned to recognize gut feelings about the people important to him. Unfortunately, though he tried, Eggsy had never been able to retrieve memories of the time he’d missed. 

“If you'll give me a name for brand, I'll run get it m’self. Won’t be one for this life much longer."

Merlin grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him over the threshold. 

Eggsy stumbled in, steadying himself on a catchall table he knew would be closeby. "Despite looks, guv, I don't like it rough." 

"I'm not gon’ hurt ye, lad.” Merlin said, taken aback. “And I’m not planning...” With a shake of his head, Merlin frowned. “Don’t want ye hurting yourself.” 

Merlin helped Eggsy out of his jacket and hung it on the rack. Eggsy toed off his shoes. 

“Cider's in the kitchen." Merlin eyes stayed on Eggsy like he was afraid he'd break. 

Eggsy placed his trainers at their usual spot beside Merlin’s and led the way through the house. Once in the kitchen, he helped himself to the second cupboard on the right. He grabbed a bottle. After a thought, he got one for Merlin as well. 

"So, what happens now?"

"Nothing remarkable,” Eggsy said. “Drop the medal in the drink and wake up in time to shoot my dog. Live that day however I decide and wake up 5 years later with the consequences."

Merlin held his hand over Eggsy's glass in an attempt to keep him from completing the ritual. Almost like he believed there was a chance Eggsy could disappear. "Has to be _this_ cider?"

Eggsy chewed at the corner of his mouth. "Guess I never tried different."

"I'm the one providing it each time."

Eggsy closed his eyes thinking of the days he'd ransacked the townhouse and the beachfront property in search of the stuff. He wouldn't share how often he'd woken in lifetimes where collateral damage included his friend. 

"So, we've been close?" Merlin asked with caution.

Eggsy drew his gaze over the room that shouldn’t be familiar but was. He hugged himself against the memories he shared with noone and gave a nod. 

Merlin excused himself from the kitchen and returned with dry clothes and a letter written in Eggsy's hurried scrawl. He set them on the table in the sitting room and invited Eggsy in.

With hours to spare and a lonely heart, Eggsy accepted Merlin’s request for a chat. 

Eggsy snuggled down into the over-sized sweatsuit. He pressed his back against the sofa and dragged his fingers over the plush carpet where he sat. The clothes smelled of Merlin. They triggered memories of the affection, fights, and tears they'd shared. Eggsy felt safe; Eggsy felt deceived. To this man, he was a stranger still.

Merlin grabbed Eggsy’s letter from the table and settled in an armchair. Quietly, he read it over once. Then, again.

At the sound of a trilling purr, the men lifted their heads toward the hall. 

Eggsy blinked in astonishment as the chubby grey fluff pranced across the room. “You have a cat.” That was new. Or was it?

The cat leapt into Merlin’s lap and kneaded his thighs.

“Aye.” Merlin scratched its chin before dropping a kiss between its folded ears. “Magoo. Half-blind bastard.”

As Merlin fussed over his little companion, Eggsy took in the room. Beneath the sofas were toys: balls, mice, and birds. The near empty bookcase in the corner was fashioned with a scratch post and a roost. The sparseness of the uneven shelves made more sense as Eggsy concluded it was used by the cat to climb.

Eggsy wondered how many lives he’d run through with his eyes wide shut, how many details he'd missed. He picked up a feathered jingle ball and Magoo pounced. 

Merlin’s soft huff of laughter came unexpected. “Ye have awakened the monster within.” The cat clamped down on Eggsy’s hand, kicking mercilessly in their fight to win the ball. “Two minutes more and Mags will be cuddled on ye through the night.”

Eggsy wiggled his hand against the rug, letting Magoo shred his arm with needle-like claws. He paid no mind to Merlin’s invitation to stay. The suggestion that Eggsy would spend his entire day and night with them wasn’t anything more than a turn of phrase.

As Merlin questioned the loops of time, Eggsy chose his words mindfully. He was careful not to say anything that would raise alarms.

Time came for Eggsy to ask Merlin questions of his own. He planned to fish for answers to help steer his next attempt at a normal life. Instead, he brought himself to his feet. “Fancy a walk?” 

Merlin stood, following Eggsy’s example but remarked on the weather.

“A little rain’s never stopped us before.” Merlin stared and Eggsy blanched. Perhaps that was too forward, too familiar.

Merlin gave a nod before looking away. He took their empties to the kitchen and brought another set of bottles to the counter. “Could go for some take away,” he said. “There’s a shop at the corner.”

Eggsy knew the one.

 

Content to be on the floor again, Eggsy fed Magoo strips of steamed chicken and listened to Merlin speak of the late, great Harry Hart. There wasn’t much to learn regarding Harry, not even his death came as a surprise. 

Eggsy's eyes drifted over the half empty take out containers and landed on the glass of flat cider. His heart raced; his window was closing fast. 

Nevertheless, he stalled, letting Magoo lick his fingers clean then coaxing him over to Merlin’s chair where the beast did the same for his master. Eggsy watched Merlin at peace in his home. 

They’d talked for hours, exhausting every detail Eggsy could call to question. But as time crept toward midnight, Eggsy let a minute tick by -- a second and a third.

He stretched his legs in front of him. His foot brushed past Magoo, who purred as he begged for pets between Merlin's feet. Idly, Eggsy’s toes curled at the knob of Merlin's ankle.

Merlin leaned into the contact and looked at the clock. "What happens when you don't use the cider?” he asked, breaking the silence. “When you don't sink the medal in?"

"Dunno." Eggsy admitted, voice hollow. The empty beds in his Mum's flat and ashes of agents scattered in the wind called for rectification. He pulled his knees up to his chest. His words came like an apology, "But this ain't the time I'm gonna find out."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so grateful for each of you readers - those who've subscribed, left kudos and comments, made bookmarks, and those who choose to remain anonymous. Thank you for giving this story a chance. Thank you for expressing your interest in seeing where Eggsy's journey takes him. I truly appreciate your support. 
> 
> Enjoy!  
> xoxo

Anxiety or determination had Eggsy up before Roxy. He pointed and flexed his foot under the blanket -- as he did so many mornings. He imagined the bump of bone against his toe and stared at the ceiling.

It was early enough to watch the sunrise. 

Eggsy had lost track of how many days he’d woken in the windowless barracks. How many sunrises he'd missed but for training. The numbers didn’t matter, only the outcome. And the resulting futures were never good enough.

Eggsy snuck to the rooftop and allowed himself this luxury for the first time in god-only-knows how long.

~*~*~ 

They sat at the Kingsman Table for another morning meeting. Harry and Percival sat across from their candidates, probably playing footsie. Roxy sat at Eggsy’s left. As always, Merlin stood beside Arthur at the head of the room, giving a speech. Eggsy could recite it by heart: eye squints, brow lifts, and all.

When the meeting was dismissed, Eggsy hung back. “Request to speak privately, Merlin?” After repeatedly keeping Arthur’s secret, to no avail, Eggsy couldn’t do it again. 

“Eggsy?” Merlin asked as the others filed from the room. With a crook of his finger, Merlin beckoned him close. He leaned into Eggsy’s space with a note of concern in his voice. “What is it, lad?”

Eggsy parted his lips to speak and pressed them together again. _Don’t rush in,_ he reminded himself. _Mind the message._

Eggsy angled away from Merlin’s ear, from the spot on his neck where his aftershave was most potent. After being wrapped up in that scent all night, Eggsy needed a bit of distance. Needed a clear head. Needed to think.

Eggsy gestured, one finger against the palm of his other hand, a signal he needed pen and paper. Valentine had been right about one thing: technology was far easier to trace than handwritten notes, unless you knew where to look.

The note he passed Merlin was simple and direct; Merlin burned it after reading.

“You believe me?”

Merlin regarded Eggsy with the severity that such an accusation called for, but there was a softness to the expression that Eggsy hadn’t seen before. Certainly not a look he’d noticed during any previous training. Eggsy fought to keep his eyes open this time. 

“It’s easy enough to verify the truth,” Merlin shared. “Either I find this evidence of Arthur’s betrayal, or I don’t. Cannae think of reason why you’d lie.” 

~*~*~ 

While Merlin conducted his investigation, Eggsy paced the room. He turned on his heel at a knock on the door.

“Tea?” Harry brought in a tray and invited him to sit. “Was afraid you'd try to resign. Rather, withdraw your candidacy.”

Eggsy wouldn't do that. Not before, when Kingsman was his only shot out of a dead end neighborhood. Certainly not now. With what equated to decades of experience in the service, Eggsy was one of the most seasoned agents Kingsman had at the Table.

“Did Merlin say anything to you?” Eggsy asked, adding milk to a cuppa he wasn't in the mood to drink. 

He split his attention between Harry and the hall. Arthur's office wasn’t but a 5 minute walk, even if Merlin had called for backup. Eggsy hoped the delay in his return meant he had discovered the notebook and was taking that turncoat down.

“Mentioned some business with Arthur.” Harry passed the sugar, but Eggsy waved him off. “Are you going to tell me why we aren't in the armory with the others? Or shall I guess?”

Eggsy could just make out Merlin's approach, footsteps quick but light. He lifted his hand with a little smirk, counting down 3… 2… 1. It was a question well to be avoided until he knew what Merlin had uncovered..

Merlin crossed the threshold, as if on cue, and leveled a sharp stare on Harry until it cut him down.

“Well, someone’s in a mood.” Harry stood. “I'll watch Roxy from your office, shall I?”

Merlin presented the door with a stiff sweep of his arm. When Harry was just a faint echo down the hall, Merlin’s shoulders gave the slightest hint of a slump. His eyes landed on Eggsy and his shoulders tensed again.

“It’s there, innit?”

Mouth drawn in a hard line, Merlin went to a cabinet and pulled out a decanter. The clink of glasses in Merlin’s shaky hand was loud in the stifling silence of the room. 

“Drink?” Merlin asked. He set the tumblers on the table and poured a measure in each. 

“Don't you have work to do?”

Merlin held his glass at eye level; the amber rippled in his grasp. With a meticulous eye, he inspected it for impurities. He sniffed, then placed a drop on a compact device and analyzed the liquid for poison. When it came back negative, Merlin drank the whisky in one swallow and filled his glass again. 

“I'm going to sit down and have a drink before I turn my Kingsman inside out.” His finger skimmed the rim of his cup. Then, he turned his wary eyes on Eggsy; any softness in them had been replaced with stone. “Have to see how deep Chester's roots of deceit have spread. You can either join me for the drink or go home.”

Eggsy took the second tumbler in his hands, his own anxiety stirring. He tried not to compare this Merlin with the last, tried not to confuse their relationships. Even for one trained such as he was, it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t fair.

“How did ye know?” Merlin started the inquisition Eggsy knew would come.

“I hardly trust anyone, don’t I?”

“Makes you best of us, then?” It was rare for Merlin to look shaken as this.

Eggsy stopped himself from reaching out to him, but only just. “I trust you.” 

Merlin’s mouth twitched up in the corner, though his eyes would burn a hole through the table if they could. 

“I’m always on the lookout for the wolf in sheep’s clothing,” Eggsy continued. He decided to take a sip of whisky after all. “Harry’s clean, by the way.”

Merlin’s grip on the glass was strong enough that it left Eggsy in awe the tumbler hadn’t shattered. “I want to believe you, lad. I do. But _that_ you cannae know.” 

“Like I couldn’t see Arthur for what he was?”

Merlin’s foot tapped a quiet rhythm beneath the table like faint raindrops against a windowpane. It wasn’t Morse or a song Eggsy recognized, but had a cadence all its own: soothing and nervous in one.

“Is there anyone else ye trust here?”

Eggsy took his time finishing his drink, but when he placed the empty glass on the table between them, he answered, “Percival.” The way Merlin hummed, Eggsy was unsure if giving a name was helping Kingsman identify an ally or condemning Cole to deep scrutiny.

There were others he could have mentioned, of course, Kingsman agents and staff who had proven loyalty over the years. The original wedding party were a good lot, always, but Eggsy couldn’t explain knowledge about people he hadn’t yet met. With the way Merlin was taking the news of Arthur’s deception, it wouldn’t be wise to push his limits of understanding any further.

In the lull of conversation, tension in Merlin rose higher. If there was someone besides Eggsy who carried the unrelenting stress of these days, it was the quartermaster. Eggsy knew the blame Merlin took upon himself for not seeing the subterfuge roiling beneath Kingsman’s surface. Today, it felt palpable.

Eggsy didn’t withhold his next urge to provide comfort. “It’s gonna be all right.” He laid a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. The leather patch of the jumper was soft under his palm. “You’re brilliant; Kingsman is resilient; King is a bastard and a fool.”

Merlin’s eyebrows came together as his gaze lingered on Eggsy’s hand and Eggsy knew he had crossed a line into the familiar. 

Their eyes met and Eggsy swallowed hard before shying away. “I should get back to the tests, I think. You’re gonna need all the agents you can get.”

Merlin cleared his throat and placed the stopper in the decanter. 

“I’ll let Harry know I’m on my way to meet him,” Eggsy lifted his wrist, forgetting he hadn’t earned the Kingsman watch. He scratched his neck as a cover. 

“If you need--” Eggsy didn't know how to finish. An unqualified recruit couldn't very well offer assistance to Kingsman’s finest. Still, he put himself out there. “I can help here. You'll find I'm a quick study, I think.”

“And so humble,” Merlin groused. 

Eggsy told himself it was Merlin’s nerves talking, but the sting of distrust remained. He held Merlin's gaze, hurt and stunned, then let it drop. “Yeah, well, I’ll be with Harry… if you need me.”

~*~*~

Eggsy wasn’t the only one bombarding Merlin with messages through the day, but no one received answers. Since Merlin couldn’t be reached, Eggsy sought permission from Harry to spend the early evening with his family.

He and Daisy played peek-a-boo and sang nursery rhymes until it was time for her bath and bed. Then, with a promise things would get better, he kissed his mum goodbye. 

“You’re always rushing about,” his mum said, tucking short hairs behind his ears. 

“I’m fine, Mum. Like I said, everything’s going to be fine.” Eggsy kissed her cheek once more and ducked out of the flat before his stepfather stumbled in from the pub. 

By nightfall Eggsy still hadn’t heard from Merlin. So as not to let the take out go to waste, Eggsy went to Harry’s. He wasn’t sure if he’d be home, but it was worth a shot. It turned out, Harry was happy for the company -- and the night off of cooking.

“Figured you’d be halfway around the world by now, hunting down Valentine or something,” Eggsy said as he laid the table. If the mission had already been in full swing, Merlin’s sequester wouldn’t have sat so heavy on his heart.

“I leave for Kentucky in the morning.” Harry gave an off-handed reply. “Yippie kay yay… or something.”

There was a pregnant pause while Eggsy decided on a warning. 

“You be safe out there, yeah? Keep your eyes in your head.”

Harry gave him an odd look. “I believe you’ve mixed your aphorisms, Eggsy.”

Eggsy spooned rice onto each of their plates and passed the veg. “I said what I said.”

As they ate, Eggsy considered what consequences the day’s actions would bring. He turned the conversation with Merlin over in his mind, reviewed the stages of the quartermaster’s paranoia as it took over. He thought of the hunch in the man’s shoulders and the waves of barely harnessed anger that had radiated off of him. Eggsy wondered what he should have said differently. 

Harry slid a glass of wine his way. “You’re quiet. Worried about the mission? Don’t be. Percival will have my 6. There’s no other agent I trust well as him.”

Eggsy stabbed at a limp carrot. “That’s… good.” There was more on his mind than Valentine, much more at stake.

“I trust you, too, Eggsy.” Harry held his hand across the corner of the table and rubbed his thumb over Eggsy’s knuckles. 

Eggsy closed his eyes, allowing the bit of contact eased his nerves. He focused on the touch, breathed into it. When he opened his eyes again, a pair of brown eyes blinked back at him. They were Harry’s; they felt wrong. 

Eggsy slipped his hand out from under Harry’s. “We should check on Merlin,” he blurted out, effectively breaking Harry of the mood they’d built in lifetimes past. “He shouldn't be left to work alone.”

 

But when Eggsy returned to the Kingsman Estate, Merlin met him with a cold stare. 

“I came to help.”

“Nae. Not tonight.” Merlin blinked wearily at the screen in front of him. His fingers stuttered over the keys, cramping as if they’d been going non-stop for hours. “I’ve been looking for the wolf in sheep’s clothing, ye see. And you, Eggsy,” he said without sparing a glance, “are a lamb if I’d ever saw one.”

When Eggsy made no move to leave, Merlin turned to face him. “Did ye think, lad, that ye could point out the cracks in our system without me finding ye were one of them?”

Eggsy’s head gave an almost imperceptible turn. “I’m not.”

There was a faint tapping in the room. Eggsy recognized the sound of Merlin’s shoe against the floor and tried not to look down. 

Merlin pressed his lips together until they were white, licked them, and nodded. “What were ye doing on the roof, Eggsy?”

Eggsy’s heart sank. This, he thought, of all things. He answered honestly; better to have Merlin think him silly or a romantic than a traitor. “It’d been so long since I’d seen the sun rise.”

The quartermaster returned to his screen with a scowl. There was nothing more to say. He’d already made up his mind.

Eggsy walked out of Kingsman with his phone in his hand. He called himself a car to Heathrow and bought a ticket to Kentucky.

>>>>>

At Harry's bachelor party, five years forward, Merlin was a no show.

“He’s holed himself at the beach, our old hermit.” Harry explained to the group their friend wasn't feeling up to it, that Merlin didn’t think he could keep up with the night’s festivities. 

Extending his apologies, Eggsy went against Harry’s advice and took the short drive to Merlin’s beach house to see what was going on. Along the way, he scanned mission history to figure out what would keep Harry’s Best Man home on Stag Night. 

On the steps of his boardwalk, with what would have been his toes buried in the sand, Eggsy found him. 

“You all right?” he asked when Merlin didn’t acknowledge his company.

“Do I look it?”

To him, Merlin looked like a dream. While the Kingsman auto had navigated the drive to the beach, Eggsy had learned all about the stunt Merlin pulled in Cambodia. ‘Glad to see Merlin alive’ didn’t cover the emotion Eggsy felt. 

“Shouldn’t you be with the bachelors?” Merlin glanced up, eyes narrow; his question bordered on accusatory.

“Shouldn’t _you_?” Eggsy matched Merlin’s expression.

Merlin gave a weary sigh and rubbed his shins. 

Eggsy knew first-hand the frustration of phantom pain. He sat in the sand at Merlin’s feet and rolled his friend’s trouser legs to the knee.

“What are ye--” 

“Sh.” The man brought him into Kingsman and had saved his life taking his place on a landmine. There was no way Merlin still harbored ill will toward him. Eggsy was confident Merlin would allow this bit of service. If not, Eggsy didn’t think another rejection could affect him worse than the last.

Merlin pocketed his hands in his cardigan and sat back. The steady munch of something small didn’t slip past Eggy’s ear. It could have been a snack, a mint, a pill. Eggsy pretended not to notice.

As if massaging muscle, Eggsy worked over Merlin’s legs, ankles, and feet. 

“You still have your Da’s cider?”

Merlin cocked his head to the side. “You’ve been asking me that question for years and yet you never drink.”

“Might be thirsty when we get back.”

“Back?” He sounded exhausted, annoyed.

“C’mon.” Eggsy took special care with Merlin’s toes. “It'll be fun to see Harry shake his arse as a free man one last time.”

“I won’t keep ye from making a fool of yourself.”

Eggsy lifted a shoulder and let it fall. “You usually try.” His fingers continued their ministrations and even made to tickle the souls of Merlin's feet. 

Merlin chuckled, the low bounce of his voice warming Eggsy from within. It was a sound Eggsy's hoped to hear more often, if not in this life then the next. Relief bloomed in Eggsy’s chest. Harry had been wrong; under the gruff exterior, his Merlin was here.

~*~*~

At the club, half their party was dancing while the other half had opted to try their luck at the tables.

Eggsy grinned at Harry’s awkward wiggle of shoulders and hips; anything less formal than ballroom dancing left the man at a loss. 

Following the roll of Tristan's shoulders, the groom-to-be tried to find rhythm in the music. Of course, just when he had synced his steps with the beat, the song changed and Harry lost it again. 

Eggsy let out a snort.

“Behave yerself.” Merlin found a table at the edge of the dancefloor and let the waitress take his order. 

“You’re not coming out?”

“Meant what I said; legs are a real bother tonight.”

Eggsy deflated. “I shouldn’t have pulled you out here, guv. We could have--” 

“Go on, have fun.” Merlin’s hand went to his mouth, then waved Eggsy off. The munching picked up again. “Do try to remember Cole while you ogle his fiance, eh?”

Eggsy studied Merlin’s expression to be sure his friend was all right staying a few hours. “I’ll have us home before we turn to pumpkins. I promise.” He set an alarm on his watch for 2200, to be safe.

On the dancefloor, Eggsy edged his way toward Harry until he was sidled up beside him. 

“See you managed to drag the crab out of his shell.” Harry bumped Eggsy’s hip. His breath smelled of bourbon, but his eyes were keen. “Let’s give the old boy some company, shall we?”

Eggsy smiled.

They sat around Merlin's table playing silly games in drunken slurs. 

Merlin was tipsy after one drink. “Truth or Dare, Harry.”

Harry chose, “Truth,” and his companions groaned. 

Eggsy was quick with a question. “When was the moment you _knew_ you were in love with Cole?” He was still curious, though the urgency to know had faded long ago.

Harry sat back and the lines of age smoothed from his face. “Well, it didn't all happen at once,” he said, contented. “There was no moment; there were many. We'd worked together on more missions than I can count. We watched each other's backs, saved each other's lives. He was the person that was always there: a support, a confidant. Merlin is my brother; you are… like my son; Cole is my everything else.”

As Harry spoke, Eggsy's eyes drifted to Merlin. They remained fixated on him for the better part of the evening. 

At 2200 Eggsy bid the party farewell and hustled Merlin into the waiting cab. Rain pelted the windshield mercilessly, making the drive through London a slow one.

“You dinnae have to leave,” Merlin groaned as he shifted for comfort in the wet leather seat. His hand went for his pocket for the fourth time that night, but came up empty. 

“There, I’d be watching Harry and the others count cards. Rather be stuck in traffic with you any day.” Eggsy said it like it was the truth; it didn't feel like a lie.

They pulled up to the sand and stepped into the downpour. The short walk from car to covered porch had them all but soaked. But as they entered Merlin’s home, Eggsy found his mood rise with excitement.

He crouched low as he pulled off his shoes, hissing through his teeth as he searched the floor. “Psst, pss pss.” His tongue clicked against the roof of his mouth as he’d heard Merlin do when calling Magoo.

Merlin sat himself on a the bench in the entryway with a huff. “Gone mad, Eggsy? Yet, I’m the one none of ye can leave be.” With a furrowed brow, he pulled at the leg of his trousers. 

Eggsy spun around, confused. “What do you mean? Where’s your cat?”

Merlin ignored the questions, doffing his lifelike prosthetics to don the more comfortable ones he wore around the house. His chair stood under a pile of jackets by the door. 

Eggsy held his tongue as he watched Merlin struggle. If assistance was wanted, Eggsy trusted Merlin to ask. 

After all was snug and secure, Merlin stood. “Harry’s allergic,” he said plainly, though the lines in his brow were deeper. 

Eggsy spread their slickers on the empty rack. They dripped puddles onto the floor. “Right. Well, maybe a hairless one?”

Merlin’s voice took an an agitated tone and Eggsy knew he had approached the subject the wrong way. “Do ye think I don’t know he’s sent ye to spy on me again? He denies it, but one of ye always keeps an eye. I’ve seen the notebook he hides.”

Eggsy shook his head at what had to be a misunderstanding. Merlin walked to the kitchen without looking back. 

“I wouldn’t…” Eggsy said as he followed, his denial sticking in his throat.

Wordlessly, Merlin grabbed a small pill bottle from the counter, tapped out three tablets and swallowed them dry. His watch beeped and he muttered thanks before going down the line of remaining bottles. He took a tablet from each one with a sigh. Merlin shoved a tea towel at Eggsy’s chest when he turned.

“I'm fine,” Eggsy said, wondering about the medication, remembering each crunch. 

“Dry your hair.” 

The damp and chill were little concern to Eggsy. It would all be over soon. He’d be waking for another day of training in mere moments. He couldn’t leave Merlin like this.

“I won't have ye dripping through my home, thank you.” 

When Eggsy had done as instructed, Merlin grunted his satisfaction. Then, from the stack of folded laundry on the table, he offered Eggsy a dark jumper. 

Eggsy left the towel. He held the sweater in his arms, touched the brown shoulder patches with reverence. “I remember you wore this during my training,” Eggsy tried to appeal to him through nostalgia. “Quite often, actually.” 

“Oh, remember do ye?” Merlin held out an impatient hand for Eggsy's wet shirt and tie. 

“Like it were yesterday.” 

“Well, that’s long done and past, isn’t it.”

Under the heat of Merlin’s resentful stare, Eggsy got his tie undone, but he couldn't bring himself to start on the buttons. 

Merlin dropped his hand and went for the kettle at the stove. “I’m turning in. Had enough for tonight,” he said with his back to the room. “Don’t ye be here in the mornin.’”

Eggsy excused himself to the loo. The challenge of reconciling this Merlin with the ones he’d known before continued to throw him off-kilter. 

He braced himself on the bathroom sink. His ruddied reflection stared back at him as he toweled off his hair. Frustrated by Merlin’s hot and cold, Eggsy wished he could hide out until the medication kicked in again, until his Merlin reappeared. It was a shite thought. Still, Eggsy counted the minutes. 

Despite or because of the anger and unease, leaving this Merlin felt even harder than the last. A splash of cold water seemed like a good idea, but it changed nothing.

As Eggsy patted his face and neck dry, a commotion in the kitchen and an accented string of swears startled him.

“'Mish?” Eggsy called out. In the five consecutive years of Kingsman Eggsy actually remembered, he’d only used the nickname taking the piss, but this wasn't that. “Ya all right?” 

When he didn't hear a response, Eggsy leaned into the hall. Another clatter had him rushing through the house, tripping in his haste. “What happened?” 

“Don't come on the tile,” Merlin snapped in frustration. He hung his head and his voice no longer possessed its sting. “Lost hold of the damned pot again.” Steam rose from the floor around Merlin as he swept a towel through the spill with his feet.

Merlin’s cheeks flushed. His ire was gone, replaced by embarrassment and apology. 

He set more water on the hob as Eggsy finished dressing. The kettle rattled as it touched the rings. It was then Eggsy first noticed Merlin’s right hand twitching in a stiff claw at his side. Merlin tried his hand for his pocket and missed. 

“Ye should go.”

Eggsy stepped around the cooling mess and took Merlin gingerly by the arm. “You don't have to hide from me.” 

Eggsy turned the cooker low as they passed and sat them at the table. Perhaps Merlin would have preferred the couch, but Eggsy didn't want to get too comfortable. There was a better life for Merlin out there, for all of them; Eggsy clung to the belief he would find it. 

Eggsy held Merlin's hand and warmed it between his palms. With so much of what he’d done gone wrong, Eggsy hoped he was, at very least, doing this right. 

Merlin’s fingers jumped and stilled. “Lad, ye don’t--”

Eggsy glanced up for permission to continue, then resumed his care. Using slow strokes and a gentle press, he coaxed the muscles from their spasm. 

Merlin hissed at the stretch, but he didn't pull away. The crunch and swallow of pills weighed heavily on Eggsy’s heart.

The water behind them whispered its boil.

As midnight approached, Eggsy kept one eye on his watch and the other on the way Merlin's hand fit in his.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for giving this story a chance. I truly appreciate each of you for reading, subscribing, leaving kudos, commenting, and bookmarking.  
> I hope you enjoy!

During training, Eggsy took a trail around the back of the main building and approached Merlin's roost from the West. He could still feel the weight of Merlin's hand in his own. 

Gravel moved under Harry’s trainers and Eggsy pushed himself harder, trying to outrun the haunting crunch of the night before. He sped over the asphalt, needing the burn in his lungs to forget Merlin’s pain. 

It had Harry miffed they weren't running their routine circuit, but smoothing things over before Harry went off to Mission Church was never difficult. A few compliments to the butterfly collection were usually enough to pacify him. When that didn’t work, Eggsy knew which rare lepidoptera facts impressed and endeared himself to the man further.

He ran, and the building grew until Eggsy felt small. 

At the sound of Harry’s peeved sigh, Eggsy put his hands to the wall and pulled himself up. Like most things, Eggsy’s free climbing skills had much improved. He almost made it to the balcony rail before Merlin spotted him. 

Eggsy peeked over the edge. His eyes landed on Merlin and his heart leapt into his throat. It took all the strength he had to keep his grip. “Hey, guv.” 

Merlin shuffled a bit and rested his clipboard on his lap. 

“Should wear shoes at work, ya think?” He nodded toward Merlin’s feet and pushed himself the rest of the way to the balcony. 

The backs of Merlin’s brogued slip ons curled under his heels, looking like he’d shoved into them in a hurry. Merlin’s eyes crinkled at the corners.

“Won’t tell anyone,” Eggsy said, his heart still pounding. He looked Merlin up and down, grateful for the opportunity to prevent his last situation. He thanked whatever power had given him the chance to see his friend whole. In this moment, it didn’t feel like a curse.

Eggsy stretched out on the ledge, leaning back on his elbows. He crossed his ankles and tipped his head back. The sun shined through the clouds. “Nice day, innit?” It always was -- training day -- bright and almost warm. “Full of promise.” 

Eggsy watched Merlin watching him. He enjoyed the weight of Merlin’s steady stare. It reminded him of the day spent on his living room floor, the night Merlin asked him to stay.

“You can tell whomever you like about my feet; no one cares.”

“No one?” Eggsy gave him a sideways glance, face still turned to the sky. “But they’re such good ‘uns.” 

There was just a touch of color to Merlin’s cheeks. “I have business to attend to,” Merlin stood to peer over the railing. To Harry below, Merlin raised his hand in greeting. 

It brought him close; Eggsy sucked in a breath. In the morning sun, Merlin’s eyes were such a startling mix of green and gold that Eggsy almost missed the words addressed to him. “I trust you’ll get down the way you came.” 

Merlin walked with caution, his loose heels threatening to clop beneath him with every step. Eggsy held his breath as Merlin disappeared behind the closed door.

The smile fell from Eggsy’s face as he thought about how much stress he would lay at the quartermaster’s feet that day. His heart cracked slightly; he couldn’t put Merlin through that again. There had to be an alternative.

He swung his legs over the balcony’s edge and made his descent. To mask his discontent, Eggsy set his gaze on Harry to smoulder and tried to savor how it made the man squirm. It was a mildly effective distraction for them both.

~*~*~

“You’re off, today. Something’s on your mind,” Harry said as they pulled their targets.

Eggsy analyzed his shots. They were as they should be. Anything more accurate would have roused suspicions. 

“I got this, Harry. Need practice, yeah?” Eggsy called a new target to place and raised his weapon. 

With a hand to Eggsy’s arm, Harry had him lower the gun. “Eggsy,” he said, half warning-half concern.

“We’re good, bruv.” Eggsy’s heart beat a little too fast. He had never flat out rejected Harry’s advances before. Fear of what outcome that could bring made his mouth dry. 

So, Eggsy leaned in, just a little. “One day I’ll make that shot and you’ll make good on an old promise.” He emphasized his meaning with a wink. His stomach twisted the way it used to when he'd lie to an innocent during a mission.

Eggsy fired off another six rounds, landing one of the bullets between the target’s eyes as if it were dumb luck. Eggsy feigned exuberance and Harry pulled his lips in a line to hide his smile. 

“You make that shot again and we’ll see about promises.”

Eggsy lined up the crosshairs and deliberately missed.

~*~*~

Eggsy was grateful when Arthur’s orders came to bring in JB; the sooner Chester King was dealt with, the sooner Eggsy could lay some of his anxiety to rest.

After failing the dog test, Eggsy feigned dejection. Under the guise of seeking comfort, he went to Harry. Instead of burdening Merlin with the facts of Arthur's two-faced schemes, Eggsy brought his suspicions before his mentor.

 

Eggsy sat back as Harry prepared his plan. Harry didn't act quickly as Merlin; he’d taken JB into his lap, stroked the dog and scratched his chin while in thought. Eggsy hid his impatience behind a second glass of whisky.

“How do you know it exists?” Harry asked finally.

Eggsy lied to cover his own arse. “Saw him scribbling in a notebook when I came in. His pupils were dilated. Don’t think it was because he were happy to see me. Got to thinking: Merlin can see everything anyone types up here. Him writing pen and paper? Must be hiding somethin’.”

“A grocery list, perhaps?” Harry sat forward, looking ready to stand. JB hopped to the floor and waited for a command. “No. Not King.” He pushed himself from the chair. “How is JB at-- Nevermind. Stay with your master, boy.” Harry returned to task, “Top drawer, you say?” 

“False bottom. Brown book. Thin. Looks like the cover’s leather.”

Harry walked out and Eggsy sat back with a groan. It was no wonder Merlin sought to take on the burden of the world without help from the others. 

Maybe it wasn’t an agents thing, Eggsy hoped. He knew Kingsman could think on their feet. This was probably just a Harry thing -- a Harry in crisis thing. It wasn’t every day you found out your boss was the scum of the earth. 

Eggsy closed his eyes and waited for Harry’s return.

Whatever happened in Arthur’s office had stripped from Harry the last shred of his calm. By the time he stomped into the room he was in a rage. Merlin and Percival we're in tow.

“What is the meaning of this?” Percival looked to Eggsy as he was the only one who seemed unaffected.

With an upturned palm, Eggsy invited them to listen.

When Eggsy disclosed Arthur's betrayal, and Harry confirmed it, Percival’s hand went to the handgun holstered at his ribs. Percival stood. 

Eggsy had learned that when things became too much, Percival went to the lower levels, the armory. Among his weapons, Percival felt most in control. It brought him the peace needed to think things through. Or so Eggsy assumed.

When Percival stripped himself of miscellany until he was unarmed, Eggsy looked on with confusion. 

“I'll be back for these,” Percival said pointedly then was gone.

Eggsy waited to see how the others would react.

“He'll be boxing,” Harry informed looking like he was seconds from putting his fists through something as well.

 _Boxing?_ Eggsy could almost picture it, almost feel it in his arms and legs. He clenched his fists and shifted his weight to the balls of his feet, chasing the feeling, knowing that any visual memory was out of reach. 

_Yes_ , Eggsy understood as the blood thrummed in his veins. Percival wasn’t the only one who spent hours among the ropes.

Urgency called Merlin to work in private. “I have scans to run before we make our next move,” he said, already poking at his tablet as he headed for the door. “Wait on my orders.” With his eyes glued to the screen in his hands, Merlin didn’t notice Harry’s chest heaving with each breath he took.

Eggsy approached with caution. “Harry,” he said, hands raised to show he wasn’t a threat. 

“I’m to be addressed as Galahad while we’re on assignment,” Harry spoke, his heels clicking against the floor as he paced the room. “Long as King lives, as Valentine remains at large… Galahad.”

Eggsy stood aside while Harry grumbled. His fingers traced the lines of his mobile in his pocket and itched for a Kingsman computer. There were plans to develop, letters to write, but his mind kept going back to previous futures. Fear stalled his actions. Yet again, their fate was in Merlin’s hands; Eggsy was relieved and unnerved.

After an hour of ineffectual speculation, Harry couldn’t stand being left in the dark any longer. 

“Merlin told us to wait--” Eggsy pleaded, chasing Harry’s strides down the hall.

“Like bloody Hell I’ll wait!” The office door with slammed against the opposite wall and Harry stormed in. He faced Merlin, demanding answers their quartermaster couldn't give.

Merlin’s screens went dark. His shoulders hunched, tensing under Harry’s frenzy. The hairs rose on the back of Eggsy's neck at the sight of Merlin on edge.

Harry continued his tirade, shouting at the ceiling instead of helping to come up with a plan. 

Seeing Merlin badgered and overwhelmed, Eggsy offered to take Harry home. 

Merlin ushered them off Kingsman grounds with a nod of thanks.

~*~*~

Harry huffed and puffed through his sitting room listing off every questionable offense Chester King had ever made against him and society at large.

“I should have never trusted that smarmy bastard.” 

After a car ride of fuming silence, Eggsy almost welcomed the shouting. It kept Harry occupied while Eggsy figured out what to do next.

Dozens of ways to disable Harry (and keep him off Merlin's back for the night) ran through Eggsy's mind. But there were few options for Eggsy to overpower him without rousing suspicions and distrust. 

Eggsy waited for an opening in Harry's rant to respond. 

Eventually, Harry started in on threats. “Prick’s in holding instead of dead. I’ll dispatch of the traitor myself, then, shall I?” 

Eggsy took his shot. “There are better ways to blow off steam, mate.” 

Harry shoved past him in favor of pacing, and Eggsy grit his teeth. He knew this Harry: childish, selfish, one step away from hysterics, two steps from being an insufferable mess. This Harry would fuel Merlin’s paranoia. This Harry could get them all killed with his impulsiveness. Eggsy frowned and dragged a hand over his face; he knew how to handle this Harry.

“Oi!” Eggsy strode toward him. The sudden action was enough to break Harry’s stride. With a dark look Eggsy had perfected over countless missions, he pushed Harry onto the sofa. “You hear what I said?” 

He pinned Harry down with a knee on his chest, removed his jacket, and started on his shirt. 

Harry’s breath hitched and his eyes went wide. He took Eggsy by the waist with such a grip Eggsy wasn’t sure if Harry was going to pull him down or throw him off. 

“There are better ways to forget for the night.” Eggsy hissed as Harry’s fingers held him harder. “Merlin needs y--” Eggsy’s charade faltered at the mention of the man. He took a cleansing breath and tried again. “The Kingsman needs Galahad at his best.” 

Eggsy grabbed Harry by the hair with both fists and their eyes fell closed. He crushed their mouths together and didn’t let up until they were both gasping. “Let me help you clear your head,” he panted against Harry’s lips.

Eggsy brought a hand down to tug at Harry’s wrist, but it only spurred Harry on to bite and suck at Eggsy’s jaw. 

Eggsy knew seducing Harry would be exhausting, physically and emotionally, but this was all too much.

Taking a moment to regroup, Eggsy straddled Harry’s thighs. He stared into the brown eyes looking up at him and tried to convince himself it was only a mission. It was Eggsy’s fault Harry wouldn’t leave Merlin alone to handle things at Kingsman, and Eggsy couldn't bear another Merlin suffocated by paranoia and pain. 

_Just a mission. Just a mark._ Eggsy bent to kiss Harry again but the man turned his cheek. Confusion - spiked with relief - surged through Eggsy in a rush.

“You have that look about you,” Harry said unaccusing, no longer frantic but curious. 

Eggsy froze.

“Like you’re not really here. Like you don’t want to be.”

Eggsy rested their foreheads together and sighed. “You telling me you grab me like that and don’t wish I was someone else either, bruv?”

Harry looked down and away; Eggsy slid off his lap and onto the couch. Eggsy looked at their varying states of undress and raked a hand through his hair. _Brilliant plan as always, mate._

“So…” Eggsy started as he did up the buttons of his shirt, “d’you box?”

Harry squared his shoulders and straightened his tie. “Not for sport or entertainment.”

Eggsy chewed at his lip. “Care to watch me beat ol’ Percival’s arse in the ring?”

Harry’s laugh punched out of him, which Eggsy took as a good sign. “I think I may enjoy watching you try.”

~*~*~

Percival dodged and jabbed predictably, but Eggsy didn’t insult the agent by holding back. Eggsy kept an eye on their energy levels and noticed Percival was doing the same. They both understood an assignment wasn’t far off and they’d need their strength.

When they’d pushed themselves just past the brink of acceptable muscle fatigue before a mission, Eggsy locked Percival in a hold until he tapped out. 

They shook hands, congratulating each other a well fought match. Harry waited at a corner with a hunger.

“You have quite a fan there, Mr. Unwin.” Percival hid his disappointment well.

Eggsy looked over his shoulder at Harry’s smouldering gaze, liked to think it was a look the man had picked up from him. “Nah, trust me, mate. Those eyes are all on you,” he said with a wink. 

A careful nudge in Harry’s direction sent Percival on the path. He let them talk quietly while he unwrapped his hands.

“Join us for dinner, Eggsy?” Harry called out to him.

“You lot go. Gonna grab something down the way, see if I can get Merlin to break long enough to eat.”

“He’s not one for spicy,” Harry supplied helpfully and Eggsy couldn’t stop himself from grinning. He’d learned Merlin’s tastes over the years, but to have Harry’s encouragement felt new.

On his way out, Eggsy shared with Harry a tidbit on Percival as well. “He seems a bloke that’d like picnic in the park.”

~*~*~

Eggsy knocked on Merlin’s office door with a bag of Thai food and a bottle of wine.

Merlin opened the door without preamble and rushed back to his station. “I trust Harry is unconscious or otherwise detained.”

“Probably making a bloody fool of himself at Triton Fountain with Cole.”

Merlin’s eyebrows shot up.

“Percival… Spent the afternoon in the boxing ring kickin’ arse and taking names.”

“Hmm.” Merlin’s fingers flew across the keyboard typing something Eggsy couldn’t follow. 

“Brought dinner.” Eggsy placed the bag a safe distance from Merlin’s computers. The desk was long, sparse, with plenty of room to set out the boxes of food.

“I see.”

“Coconut curry chicken,” Eggsy said. “Sweet, not spicy. You can break long enough to eat? Or I can baby bird feed you while you work. Just tip your head back every so often and I’ll drop some in.” Eggsy slowed to a stop as Merlin’s fingers came to rest.

“I can spare five minutes.”

“Make it twenty?”

Merlin eyed the plate Eggsy had made up for him. “Ten.”

Eggsy nudged a container of salad toward Merlin, which was promptly ignored. “I wanted to make sure you ate more’n chocolate dipped Digestives and room temp PG Tips…” He trailed off, struck by the wonderment in Merlin's eyes. “Also,” Eggsy started up again, “to apologize. It’s not fair all this lands on your shoulders.”

“I should have seen.” Merlin pushed the chicken over his plate, coating it with rice and and flakes of coconut garnish. “Eyes and ears of Kingsman - that’s what they’ve called me. But I couldn’t see the man who was meant to be our heart, rotting at his core.”

“It’s not your fault,” Eggsy insisted, pointing at Merlin’s plate and then his mouth until the man took a bite. “We’ll set it right.” 

Merlin smiled around the mouthful and licked sticky sauce from his lip. Eggsy mirrored him without a thought. 

He poured them each some wine in what was available, a paper cup for himself and clean mug for his friend. “Why don’t you set me up with a computer? Tell me what you’re up to, see how I can help.”

Merlin chuckled. “No offense meant, lad, but this is a might trickier than instant messaging and Google search.”

“Well, offense taken, old man,” he said with affection. “I’m a Millennial, yeah? Practically born with smartphone in hand. Let me take a crack at it. I could surprise ya.”

“Don’t think so.” Merlin’s peeked up from his food through his thick lashes, so handsome in this brief moment of calm. “I appreciate the offer, though, and your enthusiasm. And this fuckin’ chicken. “

Eggsy’s smile stretched ear to ear.

“Where’s this from?” Merlin asked, filling his mouth again.

“Aroi, off Aylesbury’s North corner.”

“Oh. That’s not far from my flat.”

Eggsy picked up a spring roll for himself and put the other out for Merlin. “Funny that.” 

Merlin glanced back at his idle screens and his shoulders tensed.

Eggsy changed the subject to hold his attention a little while longer. “You know, pets are a good stress reliever. They say.”

“You think I’m stressed?”

“I mean, you are losing your hair.”

“Sakes alive! When did that happen?” Merlin joked and Eggsy felt overjoyed at seeing his almost smile. “Have a problem with my being bald?”

“Not at all, guv.” Eggsy’s tongue peeked out to clean his lips as he took in the sight of the man before him. “Think it suits you.” He was sure his cheeks matched the pink that flushed Merlin’s own. On Merlin, the shade was beautiful. “So… you do have a pet?”

“Not home much.”

“Cats are fairly independent, given enough toys and climbing trees and--” Merlin’s gaze was searching. Eggsy rambled on quickly, “--and whatever else cats need. I dunno, I’ve never had one. I’m just saying I--”

“I rather like cats.”

“You do?” Not that this came as a surprise.

“You remind me of a cat. All the climbing and prancing and preening.”

Eggsy raised an eyebrow. “I do not prance. Or preen.”

“You don’t _not_.” Merlin teased, and Eggsy couldn’t help himself from egging him on.

“Are you saying ya have a problem with me then?”

But Merlin didn’t answer in jest. He went soft; the corner of his mouth turned up in what Eggsy could only interpret as affection. “Nae, lad. Prance and preen all ye like.” 

It was quiet between them as they scraped their plates and filled them with seconds. 

“Hey, Eggsy?” Merlin’s eyes were downcast as if shy.

“Hey, Mish?” Eggsy teased to lighten the mood.

“Don’t get cheeky.”

“You like a bit of cheeky.”

Merlin’s blush returned, deeper this time. He took a drink before finishing the question he’d begun. “What is this?”

“Umm,” Eggsy inspected the box of take out. “Tod Mun Pla? Fish cake. Don’t worry, it’s in a sweet sauce, too.”

“Nae, I dinnae mean--” Merlin met his eyes and waited for Eggsy to understand.

“Harry and Percival are trying for one good thing before they acknowledge their whole world has come crashing down around them.” Eggsy reached across the desk and touched Merlin’s hand. He didn’t linger, but hoped the graze of fingers would be enough to get his point across without overstepping. “Wanted to give you some of the same.”

Merlin’s watch beeped, calling him back to his investigation. He wheeled his chair the few feet down desk to his station without so much as a nod.

Eggsy sat back and lifted his eyes to the high ceiling. There were hundreds of tiles suspended above; he counted them one by one. When he was three-quarters through and his neck ached from the strain, Eggsy heard the th-thunk of something solid on the desk to his left. 

“Sometimes a spot of Google search can lead us on the right track.” Merlin had already logged Eggsy in. It wasn’t full access. But it was enough.

Eggsy’s dimples drew deep, though puzzling energy vibrated between him and Merlin. His hands smoothed over the keyboard in a sort of reverence. Being given this task meant Merlin’s trust. After a crack of his knuckles, Eggsy set to work.

Eggsy toiled away on message boards; he alerted Merlin of hate groups, the construction of suspicious new cell towers, and the ongoing disappearances of world leaders. Simultaneously, Eggsy utilized his keen knowledge of Kingsman’s systems. It took under an hour to leave his breadcrumbs for staff about improvements to their weaponry and tech. 

With Merlin up to his neck in Arthur’s fallout and Mission Church’s foreboding promise, no one stepped in to stop him. As far as Eggsy knew, his activities went unnoticed, as they had times before. 

It was minutes to midnight when Eggsy’s yawns made it impossible to keep his eyes open long enough to be of any use. 

Merlin offered a spare room. “There’s a space round the corner. Not more than a closet, but has a cot ye can use.”

“What about you? You’ve got to be tired.” Eggsy trusted he’d be waking refreshed soon. It was Merlin who needed the rest.

“I’ll make tea strong enough to hold up a spoon. It’ll get me through. You’ll need your strength come morning.”

 

Eggsy tossed and turned in Merlin’s little room -- and it, most certainly, was Merlin’s. The man’s touch was everywhere: a small shelf of books, a stack of clothes, his scent. 

Before he was able to sleep, Eggsy used his phone to thumb one last letter to himself and one to Merlin. The urge to beg him to look for figurative and literal land mines was formidable, but Eggsy resisted. Telling Merlin to ‘watch his step’ was the best he could do without giving away too many details of events that may never come to pass. 

Eggsy tucked his mobile into his pocket and curled onto his side. He wondered if altering files and leaving letters was unwise. 

Pulling Merlin’s pillow to his chest, he breathed and let the hint of heather slow the cogs of his reeling mind. 

As he did most nights, Eggsy prayed he had done something right.

>>>>>

Eggsy woke with a crick in his neck. His body was twisted but sitting upright, resting on a shoulder. The scent of cedar and musk filled his nostrils even as he turned away.

As he lifted himself from the odd angle, his muscles protested and his head throbbed. He squeezed his eyes against the dull hammer in his skull; concussion or hangover, it was hard to tell which without further assessment. The stale taste of mouthwash hinted at hangover.

Stifling a yawn, Eggsy wiped crusted drool from the corner of his mouth. He tried to lift his arms for a stretch and felt his right arm trapped at his side.

Blinking down, he found his hand clasped by Harry’s on the thin armrest between them. Eggsy’s thumb rubbed Harry’s knuckles, a gesture of comfort they’d shared lifetimes before, and he lifted his gaze to the room. 

A quick survey of the space informed Eggsy they were on a Kingsman jet, grounded. The Estate green crawled steadily past the tiny windows.

Harry stirred and Eggsy looked him over. An intense affection for the man filled his gut -- love and connection. It physically pained Eggsy to see Harry frowning in his sleep. 

Merlin slid into a seat across from them, gazing on with a sullen expression of regret -- of words unspoken. He took his laptop into his hands and busied himself with work.

Eggsy did his best not to let on to the sudden sadness he felt. It choked him, seeming to come from all directions. He tried to sneak his hand back, as if it would change anything between the three of them. Harry’s grip held tighter.

“Please,” Harry whispered, his voice thin. Though Harry’s eyes were closed, Eggsy could see his lashes glisten.

Eggsy couldn’t place a reason for the unshed tears, but the loss he felt filled his lungs with each breath. 

Dropping his eyes, Eggsy noticed he and Merlin sat toe to toe. He wished Merlin were at his right instead of Harry and the damn rectangle of plastic. 

The scene beyond the window continued slowly as the plane taxied down the landing strip. If the plane would just stop, let him off, let him breathe something other than recycled air, then maybe he wouldn’t feel suffocated by grief he couldn’t name, by the distance and closeness that didn’t match his heart.

In the slow minutes before they disembarked, Eggsy watched Merlin with longing. Merlin had his sleeves rolled up, typing furiously on his laptop. He wore a stiff upper lip though Eggsy felt his sadness as if it could travel across the aisle between them. 

A vibrant tattoo on Merlin’s inner wrist called his attention. Eggsy felt himself pulled toward it. The urge to trace his finger over the woven design rose the longer Eggsy resisted. 

Eggsy’s foot crept forward until the tip of his shoe met Merlin’s. He felt so far away.

“Transfer will be ready for ye after the service,” Merlin said, his voice not far from cracking. “Sign the paperwork. There’ll be a toast, of course. Then, Kingsman goes back to work as usual.”

Harry bowed his head, awake now, only resting his eyes. Eggsy gave a small nod along with him.

After the plane came to a stop, Merlin led the way down the stairs to the tarmac. He walked ahead, through the aisle of Kingsman agents and staff. Everyone was suited and polished. All wore matching expressions of muted grief.

Harry and Eggsy gave each other’s hand a squeeze as they took their long walk to the big, black car that loomed at the end of the path. 

When they reached the end, Merlin took a place on one side of the aisle and Harry brought Eggsy to stand with him beside Bors. As one, Kingsman stood to watch a wooden box carried from the back of the plane.

~*~*~

At the cemetery, Merlin stood near but apart from Eggsy. Harry was between them, leaning physically on Eggsy for support. As their Arthur spoke words of merit over Percival’s casket, Merlin draped his arm around Harry and laid his hand to rest on Eggsy’s shoulder.

Eggsy closed his free hand in a fist to keep from covering Merlin’s with his own. His fingernails dug into his palm until he felt them break skin.

There was a lull. Eggsy felt eyes on him; the others expected a eulogy, but all he wanted to do was get back in the ring with his friend. Push Percival against the ropes, challenge the man past his perceived limits. Sit on the boardwalk and flip off the seagulls. Watch him feed the damn ducks at the park. Count seconds for thunder as Percival waited for his only source of light, then marvel as the agent took an impossible shot from a clocktower.

Merlin drew his hand from Eggsy’s shoulder to his neck, gave a squeeze, and walked to the foot of the casket. Words pushed through Merlin’s tears but Eggsy heard not one. 

Gasping for air, Harry walked away. Eggsy felt no jealousy at Harry’s bereavement, only wondered why he sought to suffer in secret. Eggsy followed him to a tree and held him through his tears. Harry buried his face in Eggsy’s neck muttering apologies to a man who’d never hear.

~*~*~

JB greeted them at Merlin’s house, jumpy and wiggling, in need of a walk.

“I’ll take him out,” Merlin said, taking the leash from the hook. Eggsy tried offering to come along, but Merlin shook his head. “Harry needs ye now.”

Whether it made sense to him or not, Eggsy was apparently bound to Harry and would fulfill his task of being the man’s comfort awhile longer. 

In the sitting room, Harry wiped at his eyes with a handkerchief. “It’s my damn allergies, that’s all.” He waved the hankie at the bookshelf in the corner. “Swear the bastard got that bloody thing so he’d never have to host us for dinners.” Harry excused himself and blew his nose.

Indifferent to Harry’s disdain, the fluffy feline hopped down the shelves to the carpet, weaved through his ankles, and tiptoed its way to Eggsy’s feet. 

Eggsy lifted the cat into his arms with a warm greeting. “Hey, sweet thing.” The cat raised its head to bump Eggsy’s nose and rubbed their cheeks together. “There you are, Mags. Where you been, eh?” At least Merlin hadn’t been alone, though the feline companion seemed a pale consolation for a mate. 

_Perhaps,_ Eggsy considered, _Merlin wasn’t interested in anything more than friendship._ He swallowed a sob. He had yet to shed a tear and wasn’t about to start now. 

“I’m gonna get ‘im some food,” Eggsy announced, snuggling the cat to his chest. “You want?”

“Stiff drink.” Harry sniffed, then cleared his throat. “Please.”

When Eggsy was in the kitchen he heard Harry ask for him to bring out the bottle. Eggsy settled Mags at his water fountain and gave a fresh scoop of kibble. “Your da will make you somethin’ proper when he’s in, I’m sure.”

The kitchen table was laid with forms in triplicate. Eggsy ignored them, grabbed whisky and cider from the cabinet, and returned to Harry in the adjoined room.

 

JB rushed in, announcing his and Merlin’s arrival. He snuffed at Eggsy and Magoo before nosing Harry’s feet. His whine was low but insistent until Harry leaned forward.

“Insufferable brat,” Harry groaned, though there was warmth in his tone. He took JB into his lap and allowed a few licks to the back of his hand. “That’s enough of that, pup.” 

JB turned a circle and cuddled Harry’s side as he’d surely done times before. He looked at home in Harry’s arms. Eggsy bit at his lips to keep them from trembling. 

“Absolute bollocks as a guard dog,” Merlin whispered as Harry lost himself in JB’s nuzzles. “But better therapy than man can buy.” Merlin’s crisp scent filled the space behind Eggsy as the weight of hands fell on his shoulders. 

“Business before we settle,” he said more seriously. Merlin took the cider from Eggsy and drank on his way to the kitchen. 

“Ye promised me, none of this today.” Merlin’s voice was a hush as he placed the empty bottle in the sink.

Eggsy scowled, taking another from the cupboard. “And why would I do that? Today of all bloody days?”

“Please, Eggsy, I don’ want a fight.”

Amid the commotion, Harry had appeared in the doorway. He looked on in silence, nursing his drink. His free hand rubbed at the place over his heart.

Eggsy snapped the cap and left the bottle open on the counter. “What’s the business you brought? Or was that all you had to say?” 

Merlin slid the papers across the table and placed a pen atop the pile. “Ye sign these and we hang the title Mordred again,” Merlin explained. “Percival’s mantle will be yours to carry.“

Eggsy’s mouth went dry; he struggled to make sense of it. “I don’t want it.” He pushed the forms away, crumpling their edges.

Harry choked on a sob.

“Aye, it’s what he wanted and ye promised to carry out his wishes.” Merlin’s words came with difficulty, and Eggsy could see his battle to keep calm. “Or should I prepare for ye to break all your promises today?”

Eggsy could feel the distance between them grow. All he wanted was to pull him close. Tears welled in Eggsy’s eyes and Merlin’s expression turned soft. Finally, Eggsy felt his wet on his cheeks.

"Ye aren’t the only one lost him, Eggsy." Merlin came up beside him and laid a careful hand on the small of Eggsy's back. His voice was tender, concerned. Merlin gave a light touch, hands gliding up and down Eggsy’s arms. 

Eggsy saw Harry holding onto the doorframe as if it were the only thing keeping him upright. He stepped out of Merlin's reach, but the twinge in his chest begged him to return to Merlin’s arms.

He poured the cider into a mug without giving it too much thought; he wouldn't be spending but another minute there anyhow.

Merlin wasn't invading his space and yet Eggsy felt surrounded by his warmth. 

Eggsy took a last, apologetic look at Harry and noticed the wedding band on Harry’s finger. He looked down for its match on his hand as he dropped the medal in. There was none.

Instead, peeking out of the cuff of his own shirt, Eggsy thought he caught a glimpse of black ink.

He heard Merlin in his ear before he was gone. “Ye can’t save everyone, love." 

 

Eggsy woke up in the barracks to the ghost of Merlin’s lips on his shoulder and arms around his waist. Over his chest sat the undeniable ache of regret.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you to everyone who is giving this story a chance. I appreciate all of the feedback I receive and am glad to hear that you are enjoying it. 
> 
>    
>  ** _Take Note: the tags Explicit Sexual Content and Porn with Feelings have been added.  
> _**  
>  _ **This section is denoted by a triple**_ __*--*__ _**break at its beginning and end should you like to skip it.**_  
> 

With a vice around his heart and a swarm of butterflies in his stomach, Eggsy attended the morning meeting. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Merlin. An apology hung off the tip of his tongue, stuck; it wasn't this Merlin to whom it was owed.

Eggsy must have looked lost because Merlin looked at him with a slight tilt of his head. “Questions?” he asked the room, as usual, but Merlin’s eyes hadn’t left Eggsy’s.

 _Fuck._ He’d been staring. Eggsy dropped his gaze to the dossier in his hands and read it for what felt like the thousandth time. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a quirk of the mouth Merlin sent his way. An almost-smile Eggsy recognized as one only he received.

Hope bloomed in his chest, replacing guilt and empty feeling of loss. He tampened down on the anxiety that followed close behind. 

Firing range, dog test, boxing, and dinner with Merlin. If he could manage that... Eggsy zeroed in on a phrase in the old case file before him: favorable outcome anticipated. Of course, the point of case study was missions often go to shit in a handbasket, but Eggsy paid that no mind. After all, Kingsman always pulled out a ‘win’ in the end -- one way or another.

~*~*~

The session at gun range with Harry led to talks. Talking transitioned Eggsy straight into the boxing ring with Percival for some much needed stress relief. To Eggsy’s surprise, Harry and Percival took to each other for comfort and distraction without much of a push this time.

Everything happening in quick succession left Eggsy double time with Merlin. Though it didn’t make up for the disappearing act he pulled the day before, Eggsy couldn’t say how much the hours were worth.

 

By evening Eggsy and Merlin were working side by side, using playful banter to keep their spirits up. Merlin’s computers ran scans on the agents while Eggsy searched the dark web and mainstream internet for whispers of the evils to come. 

The air between the men was calm in a way that such urgency shouldn’t have allowed. Merlin reached into Eggsy’s work area to type over his hands, steering him in new directions, when a verbal cue would have been sufficient. Eggsy enjoyed the easy way they took up each other’s space. 

It was only 2200, but drowsiness was setting in. Stretching his arms over his head and wide to his sides, Eggsy brushed the nape of Merlin’s neck casually. His hand lingered, just a moment, before he stood. 

“Want anything while I’m up?” Eggsy rounded the desk toward a smaller table for tea, popping a floret of broccoli into his mouth as he went. 

“A cuppa would be lovely.”

Eggsy was adding a spoon of sugar and two biscuits before Merlin told him what he liked. Merlin was squinting at Charlie’s file when Eggsy returned with their refreshments. 

Taking a risk, Eggsy gave another touch, grazing Merlin’s arm as he set down his mug and snack. Merlin looked up at him with a depth of appreciation. “Perfect,” he said without having tasted the cup.

Eggsy bit his tongue; it was all he could do to keep from leaning down to press a kiss against Merlin’s skin. He’d have settled for his forehead, his cheek, his nose, but he wasn’t bold enough to take the chance at ruining whatever fragile thing they had developed thus far.

Merlin moistened his lips and his “Thank you” carried with it more than gratitude for the beverage.

With a smile, Eggsy forced himself back to his own seat.

 

Midnight ticked ever closer and Eggsy wondered if it was part of the curse that kept him from staying awake long enough to see the clock strike 0000.

 

Merlin’s hand on Eggsy’s arm sent his head up with a jerk and had him squinting at a surveillance screen. Groggily, Eggsy rubbed the back of Merlin’s wrist and gave it a pat. “I’m awake. Swear down.” He wiped tears of sleep from his eyes and tried to stifle a yawn.

When he blinked over, he was met by Merlin’s soft smile. 

“C’mon, lad,” Merlin urged with a last squeeze. “Up ye get. Got a place ye can get some proper rest.” Helping Eggsy to his feet, Merlin stood close enough Eggsy could lean into him. Merlin accepted the extra weight with an arm about Eggsy’s waist and led him to the room.

“Surrounded by you in here,” Eggsy mumbled; his eyes grew heavier, each blink longer.

Merlin gently stripped Eggsy of his jacket, tie, and shoes. “Aye,” he said, folding back the sheets of the bed. “Must be it’s mine.” He draped the blankets over Eggsy’s body as he lay.

“Mm.” Eggsy’s voice was but a whisper as he curled into the pillow. He floated toward a dreamless sleep. “Would that I were yours.” 

The soft touch of fingers carding through his hair sent tingles over Eggsy’s scalp as the night slipped away.

>>>>>

Pain radiated from the base of his skull as Eggsy drifted into consciousness. He felt for a wound, drew back his bloody hand and swore. Fluorescent lights, almost blinding, shined overhead. He tried to make sense of the stark room and kept coming up short.

“Mordred.” Merlin’s voice crackled in his ear. 

“Merlin?” Eggsy spoke without moving his lips, but if the cell was miked it wouldn’t matter. “What’s going on?” At least the blow to his head would make a good cover for not knowing fuck-all about his captors.

“Mord... you hear m...”

Eggsy felt around his pockets: no watch, no glasses. His necklace was missing as well.

There was more static from his earpiece. Merlin’s instructions were indecipherable. 

A high-pitched squeal made Eggsy nearly jump out of his skin. He rubbed his ear, praying the coms weren't shot to hell. Fear kept him from removing it altogether. 

“...need to… cannae…dar...” Unintelligible syllables followed until Merlin’s voice came through, clear and determined. “Bugger this.”

The coms went quiet. 

Eggsy listened to the rush of blood in his ears and readied himself for the worst. Though his mind may have been out of mission practice, his body remembered how to fight. He could already feel his muscles twitch in anticipation.

Shots fired outside the room. They sounded far away, but were drawing near. He wished for metal bars instead of double-sided mirrors so he could see what was happening. It wasn’t long, however, before the heavy door swung open and a half dozen armed strangers rushed through.

Two made to grab Eggsy, but he was prepared to defend himself. Eggsy dodged and ducked. A sweep of his leg had one on their back and a punch to the groin had another stumbling. 

Despite his injuries, Eggsy fought in earnest and fought well. But without Kingsman tech, there were just too many of them. 

When they had him immobilized at the far side of the cell, Eggsy came face to face with the barrel of a gun. Previously under the impression they wanted him alive, Eggsy was suddenly uncertain.

Eggsy heard the snick of a magazine release and a clatter as it dropped to the floor. Merlin stepped into the light and relief washed over Eggsy like a tidal wave. The force of it would have knocked Eggsy off his feet if his captors hadn’t had him pinned.

Tearing through the room, Merlin dispatched the six and others that followed. His movements were wild and graceful. He brandished any item available as a weapon. The thwack of metal against flesh and skull came like music for his Tarantella. 

Eggsy stood in awe. _He was bloody beautiful._

When the last of their enemies was lying limp on the ground, Merlin stepped over the bodies toward Eggsy’s corner. 

Eggsy’s breath caught in his chest at Merlin’s hard and desperate expression. A tether seemed to guide him forward, the yearning stronger as Merlin approached. 

Merlin came into Eggsy’s space without a word. His long fingers brushed the bruises and abrasions of Eggsy’s cheek; nonetheless, Eggsy leaned into the touch. Merlin took Eggsy’s face in his hands and turned his head this way and that; his gaze lingered on the worst of Eggsy’s injuries.

“Leannan,” Merlin sighed

Eggsy looked into his eyes, unfamiliar with the phrase but understanding, from Merlin, it could only mean love. 

“Ain’t this the part where my knight sweeps me into his arms?”

Merlin’s thumb caressed Eggsy’s bottom lip, leaving Eggsy’s attempt at levity hanging unacknowledged in the air. The kiss Merlin offered was delicate.

They shared the air briefly with a brush of lips before pulling apart. For Eggsy, it was all over much too soon.

He took hold of Merlin’s tie and turned until he had the man crowded into a corner. Eggsy’s hands went for Merlin’s head, drawing him down until their mouths slotted together: firm, insistent. Merlin pulled Eggsy against him at the waist and he keened. 

The kiss tasted like salt and copper and morning coffee, and was perfect. Merlin parted his lips and Eggsy realized he would never have enough. 

The rest of the world fell away. 

Eggsy didn’t know they were in danger until Merlin threw him to the side and raised a gun toward the door. Merlin and the woman in grey fired their weapons with precision. Their enemy fell, and Eggsy’s attention reverted to the man beside him. In horror, he watched Merlin slide down the wall and crumple. 

Eggsy dragged himself closer, pulled Merlin’s head into his lap, and begged for the nightmare to end. He tore at Merlin’s jumper and vest to put pressure on the wound, as if that could heal the hole in his heart. 

Eggsy recognized the chain Merlin wore around his neck in an instant. Hanging beside the Kingsman medal was a gold band engraved: Always. He took the ring and slipped it on, wholly knowing it would fit. Fingers trembling, Eggsy took Merlin’s hand in his own and found his ring’s match. Inside, it read: Yours.

Movement on the floor above snapped Eggsy out of his shock. A memory of Merlin standing in the rubble of Kingsman HQ sprang to mind. His words urged him forward. _Remember your training. When it is done, you may shed a tear in private._ Eggsy had to get out of there. 

Picking Merlin’s pockets in haste, Eggsy came up with a pair of grenades, a flash bomb, and Kingsman issued watch and glasses. He made sure his expression was blank before donning the last.

The display confirmed what he already knew. It scanned Merlin’s body for life and found none.

Quick-paced steps trampled down the hall; three pairs of footsteps, at least. Weapons-ready, with a grenade in one hand and a pistol in the other, Eggsy waited for the next wave of attack.

“Mordred!” Roxy’s voice rang out just as Eggsy fired two rounds at her chest. She deflected in time; the bullets ricocheted off her umbrella, making a dead body kick. “We have to get out of here.”

“Can’t leave him.”

Harry and Percival ran into the room next, followed by two more agents and a stretcher. 

“Go,” Galahad ordered, his expression hard. If Harry could hold off mourning his best friend until the building was secure, then Eggsy could do the same. 

Percival’s hand gripped Eggsy’s tight and pulled him to his feet. “We’ll bring him home.” 

In stunned silence, Eggsy nodded. 

Lancelot ordered him to move again; after a last look at his late husband, Eggsy complied.

“We’ll have Medical fix you up,” she said as he followed her to the plane. “You can stay with us, if you like, for as long as you need.”

“No.” Eggsy checked Merlin’s watch for the time and their location. He had ten hours to get from Dubai to London. “Have something I need to do.”

“I’ll go with you. You shouldn’t be alone.”

Eggsy shrugged off her concern and slid into the pilot’s seat. She took the position beside him as he set their course. 

They touched down in England before midnight -- Eggsy's only care.

Even if the Kingsman car hadn’t navigated the streets home in autodrive, Eggsy would have found the house instinctively. He could feel the way in his bones.

~*~*~

He walked through their modest home in a daze until he found himself in a familiar, yet alien, kitchen. There were pictures on the refrigerator, water fountain and bowl of kibble against the pantry, and dishes in the drying rack. A half pot of coffee stood cold on the counter.

Roxy looked on from a distance, placating a chubby grey cat with head scratches and giving Eggsy room for his grief.

Eggsy found the cabinet he sought on the first try. Pushing past cans of cat food and boxes of chocolate dipped biscuits, Eggsy pulled out two bottles. A meow came like a question from across the room, but Eggsy couldn’t bear to look up. 

Lifting the cider to his lips, he took a sip. The sweet apple merged with the taste of Merlin’s kiss. He swallowed the drink and a sob as he poured the other bottle in a glass. 

With Merlin’s ring clutched tight against his chest, Eggsy released his hold on the necklace yet again.

~*~*~

Eggsy sat up in the barracks with wet lashes and a tremble in his chin. His heart felt like lead -- his stomach, a stone.

Roxy stood at the foot of his bed; her mouth moved, but Eggsy only stared, unable to process what was being said. She crossed her arms over her chest and let herself out.

When he’d summoned the strength, Eggsy shuffled to the locker room. The shower water ran hot over his head as it hung; he was tired, so tired. Eggsy turned the knob to cold and slowly, the present came into focus. 

The wet slap of flip flops echoed on cement as Roxy entered the showers; Eggsy hadn’t noticed he’d been alone. He fought harder against his grief, leaned into his training.

While he dressed, a picture of Daisy smiled at him from its place inside his locker door. He drew a finger over her face and wondered how long it had been since he held her.

In the dormitory, Merlin and Harry flanked an orderly in wait. The air felt thin.

“Don’t need you,” Eggsy addressed the woman in scrubs. He turned his attention on Merlin, then Harry; it took everything in his power not to freeze. “We should talk.”

The quartermaster’s office held the scent of morning coffee and everything Merlin. Eggsy wiped at his face as if to rub sleep from his eyes. 

“I need to go home. A few hours. I’ll be back in the evening to help.”

Merlin cocked his head. “And what would ye be helping with?”

Eggsy opened the top drawer of Merlin's desk, withdrew a pad of paper and pen, and began to write. 

To Harry, he gave a brief explanation. “Arthur. And further investigation into the Kingsman.” He handed over the paper and his eyes pleaded for Harry to keep his wits. “I’m certain of this, and I know we can handle it if we pull together.” 

Eggsy caught Harry’s gaze before it went distant in thought. “Should seek Percival, I think. He’s in this much as anyone and he knows ya well enough, eh Harry? Can help you plan?” _Can screw your head on straight when you’re ready to lose it,_ went unspoken.

Harry reread the note and gave a nod. “Percival, yes. His expertise would… brilliant.”

Eggsy waited for Harry to take leave before turning to Merlin. He pinched the bridge of his nose and focused on his breath. Part of him wanted nothing more than to rush into the man’s arms. 

“I’ll be back this evening to help you as I can.” Eggsy’s hand went up, silencing Merlin’s protest before it came. “I know: what can a council kid know about computers? More than I've let on, and I'm a fast learner. You're gonna need help and people you trust.”

Merlin’s mouth opened and closed, but his words were lost.

Eggsy placed the notepad on Merlin’s desk and allowed his quartermaster a minute to read the information he’d written for his eyes only. “You trust me, yeah, Merlin?”

“I have scans to run,” Merlin said, swiveling in his chair to face the monitors. “I’ll see you in a few hours.” The tap of his foot joined the click of the keyboard as he set to task. Deadly as he was in the line of fire, this was the place Merlin belonged. 

Bitter bile burned Eggsy’s throat; the others should have arrived long before Merlin took it upon himself to abandon his post for rescue.

Eggsy barely had a foot out the office door when his countenance broke again. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and called for a Kingsman car to South London.

~*~*~

Eggsy apologized to the Turners for picking up Daisy from her playdate early, but with her own daughter in a tantrum, Mrs. T seemed relieved to unload his sister from her care.

He scooped up Daisy and carried her the way to the park. Daisy’s mouth watered at the smell of fresh bread, so they stopped for lunch and a treat along the way. 

At the community playground, Eggsy imprinted every giggle and babble of Daisy’s to memory, while promising over and over that he would be around for her more often. He’d show her the good in the word, teach her to defend herself against the bad. They’d travel, having adventures near and far. He’d give her everything he’d never had. 

They played until she was exhausted. All the walk home, Eggsy held his sister tightly, listening to her soft snores. 

Dean’s shouts barely caused Daisy to stir, so used to raised voices and clamor she was, but Eggsy prepared a nest of pillows on his bed for her nap so she could have an hour of quiet. He snuggled her and kissed her cheeks as she slept. There would never be a future for him without Daisy, of that he was certain.

When the sun had set and Daisy was in her chair with a full meal on her tray, Eggsy returned to Kingsman HQ.

~*~*~

Without more invitation than a grunt from Merlin, Eggsy pulled a chair across from him and set dinner to the side. Merlin was entrenched in his work. Perhaps the food could wait. He reached for a laptop and an earpiece.

“What do ye think ye are doing?” 

Eggsy unlocked the computer with an emergency code he'd been given years ago. It was one of Merlin's own, only to be used when facial and print recognition software was glitching. 

“I'll do anything I can to help.” To sit on the sidelines with all the knowledge he’d gained was a terrible waste. 

The laptop was lifted out from under Eggsy’s hands.

“You don’t touch,” Merlin’s eyebrow twitched up at his recruit’s audacity and Eggsy realized he hadn’t laid groundwork for the evening. He wondered what Harry and Percival were up to. It was a fleeting thought. Merlin’s piercing eyes hadn’t completed their assessment.

“If I could just--” 

Merlin silenced him with a look that could level a city block. Eggsy fought the urge to kiss it off his stubborn face. 

“Have tea with me.” The smell of coconut chicken had to be tempting. Eggsy saw the way Merlin’s eyes flicked toward the bag, then back to his station. “Ya think more clearly on a full stomach.”

Knowing Merlin would be unnerved if his attention was pulled from the investigation mid-grind, Eggsy suggested, “I’ll dish us up a bite while you end task.” 

Merlin’s toe tapped the tiled floor as he eyed the take out once more. “Suppose I can spare five minutes.”

Eggsy watched the tip of Merlin's tongue peek out to wet his lips. He pushed for, “Twenty,” as he had previously, failing to suppress his grin.

Merlin huffed as he rolled his chair to his computer and set his fingers to the keys. “Ten.”

 

Surveillance of the quiet street outside Mission Church played on the main monitor, but Merlin pulled up a chair to the food Eggsy had spread at the end of the desk. 

“Don't normally go for Thai,” Merlin admitted. He didn't sound ungrateful; it was honest statement and a touch wary. His gaze caught Eggsy's a moment before he lifted a piece of chicken to his nose and sniffed. 

“It's mild and sweet sauces. That make any difference?”

Merlin tipped his head side to side indecisively. He brought the fork to his mouth and took a cautious bite. The small hum of approval had Eggsy’s heart skipping a beat -- encouragement, relief, and perhaps a touch of arousal curled at his center.

After a quarter of his portion was gone, Merlin took a drink. He sat back with the mug of wine in his hands. “Ye gon’ tell me what happened today? Why ye waited until now to voice suspicion on King?”

Eggsy felt heat behind his eyes and gave himself time with a drink. “I’m sorry,” the weight of the words nearly choked him. “I can’t explain this morning. Spent the day with my kid sister. Daisy. She’s living with our mum and her da. Sweetest little flower, my girl is. Not yet two...” 

Eggsy realized what was important to him wasn’t pertinent to the situation at hand. He placed his cup on the table and looked Merlin in the eyes. “As for King -- I had to be sure.”

Merlin nodded, stabbed a morsel of fish, and brandished it like a weapon. In his hands it could be, but Eggsy didn’t get any read other than curiosity off the man. “This spicy?”

“I told you it wasn’t.”

Merlin continued to eat, peppering in compliments as he tried the various dishes. 

Eggsy watched him with a growing fondness and an anxious heart. “So, why don’t ya go for spicy foods anyway? Ya get heartburn or something?”

“Hemorrhoids,” Merlin deadpanned.

Eggsy stared as his smile spread, threatening to crack his face in two. He was doubled over in his chair before he heard his own laughter ring out in the room. 

Merlin’s expression remained flat, unchanged.

“Oh shit, guv. Ya serious?” Eggsy fought to contain himself, but the laughter burst out again.

“Ye’ve obviously not had the experience. Ye’d know such an ailment is no laughing matter.”

Tears of mirth gathered at the corners of Eggsy’s eyes. It felt so fucking good to laugh. Still, he worried the tears would spill into another emotion. “I’ll bring Preparation H next time.”

Merlin looked into the box of salad, pushing through the mixed greens as if looking for something. Eggsy knew he wouldn’t eat it; Merlin was not a fan of peanut dressing. 

“So ye think there will be a next time?” Merlin was trying so hard at being casual, yet Eggsy could feel Merlin’s nerves radiating over the table.

The memory of Merlin taking his face in his hands, hazel eyes so sure and in love, stood clear in Eggsy’s mind. “If ya like,” he said.

>>>>>

A shift on the mattress pulled Eggsy from sleep; he reached out, chasing the body as it rolled away. He caught a wrist and held tight.

Merlin’s baritone was heavy with sleep. “Ye catch some sleep, love.”

Eggsy shook his head, unwilling to let up his grip. He felt his eyes grow hot with relief, with need, and swallowed hard.

Merlin's weight settled on the bed and drew him against the warmth of bare skin. “Nightmare? Oh, darlin’.” 

Cuddled against Merlin's chest, with the beat of his heart against his ear, Eggsy found solace. 

Merlin's fingertips glided through Eggsy's hair and sent tingles down his spine. Their legs slotted together; their ankles hooked each other in place. 

Eggsy matched the tender press of Merlin’s lips against his forehead with a kiss to Merlin's chest. He chased the kiss with another and another until Eggsy had kissed gratitude up Merlin’s chest to the underside of his chin. 

With a shuddering breath, Eggsy looked up to see Merlin blinking down at him. Eggsy told him, in no uncertain terms, they were taking the day off. 

All it took was a brief call to Arthur and a message to Merlin's staff; they didn't have to be at HQ until the next morning.

“Shall we stay in bed?” Merlin took Eggsy’s face in his hands and kissed him with a grin.

The open window welcomed a salty breeze. It carried sounds of the sea breaking on the shore and Eggsy threw off the sheets to feel the air. He nuzzled against Merlin’s cheek, nipped ever so gently at his man’s ear, and buried his face in the crook of Merlin’s neck. 

__*--*__  
__*--*__  
__*--*__

Merlin sucked in a sudden gasp as Eggsy rocked into him, closing the slip of space between them until they were flush from head to toe. Merlin’s hands caressed Eggsy’s back, just firm enough not to tickle. “I’ve got ye, love.” 

Eggsy ran his fingers up Merlin’s spine and caught sight of the tattoo on his own wrist, the mirror of woven pattern he’d seen before. He squeezed his eyes shut against overwhelming emotion. When he’d regained most of his control, Eggsy arched his back to find Merlin’s eyes. 

“Hamish, I --” The words got stuck.

Merlin kissed him deeply, as if drawing the words out from under the lump in Eggsy’s throat. “I know. Me too. Yours.” 

Eggsy shifted their hips together, letting Merlin feel what it did to him to be held by his arms, his gaze. He traced Merlin’s lips with his tongue, drawing Merlin’s lower lip between his for a faint nibble. The rumble of Merlin’s moan evoked one of his own. 

As Eggsy trailed kisses across Merlin’s jaw to his ear, he felt Merlin’s arousal grow against his thigh. His teeth grazed Merlin’s earlobe, rewarded with a whimper and greater access to Merlin’s neck.

Merlin’s head fell back onto the pillow and Eggsy sat up on his heels to marvel at the body sprawled beneath him. Fingers splayed, he framed Merlin’s face, brought his hands down the stubble of his cheeks and neck, and settled them onto the lithe muscles of his chest. 

Eggsy felt Merlin’s heart beating strong beneath his palm and closed his eyes. He breathed with the steady pulse until he felt Merlin’s hand on his. 

Through hooded lids, Merlin’s eyes blinked up at him. He lifted Eggsy’s hand from his chest and kissed his palm. Merlin’s eyes caught the sun as his thumb passed over the inked skin of his wrist, and Eggsy lost himself in their flecks of gold.

Their mouths found each other again. Eggsy licked at Merlin’s lips until they parted and he could taste the morning. He didn’t care; nothing could be wrong so long as Merlin were there.

Merlin’s hardening length trapped between their bodies, the languid rock of hips, dragged Eggsy’s attention away from Merlin’s intoxicating kiss. He rolled them to their sides unhurriedly and never breaking contact. The friction of skin against skin and Merlin’s arms tightening around him was the most distracting. Eggsy let up his kiss to catch his breath.

Curling his leg over Merlin’s hip; he guided Merlin’s hand to his arse. “Please,” Eggsy whispered, leaning again into Merlin’s kiss. “I want to feel you.” 

His heart ached with longing. The distance that had been between them for lifetimes crashed into him. “I need you, ‘Mish.” _All of you. Always._

Merlin cupped Eggsy’s face with his free hand and licked at his lips. A finger teased down the line of Eggsy’s arse to his destination. Eggsy bucked at the sensation as pleasure rippled from his groin to his toes. 

Merlin swiped his thumb through the moisture on Eggsy’s mouth and pressed gently in. Eggsy sucked and nipped at the pad of Merlin’s thumb as Merlin’s other hand drew circles over the tight ring of muscle beneath it.

Merlin shifted down Eggsy’s body, kissing and caressing Eggsy’s ribs along the way. He paid special mind to bruises and avoided Eggsy’s more sensitive scars. 

With a firm but gentle nudge, Merlin turned Eggsy onto his stomach. He took a handful of Eggsy’s arse in each palm and massaged. Along Eggsy’s lower back, he dropped more kisses like he had a never ending supply. 

His mouth made its way to the base of Eggsy’s spine and suddenly Eggsy could feel the heat and wet of Merlin’s tongue dip between his cheeks. Merlin adjusted Eggsy so he was on his knees, spread and fully exposed. 

Eggsy leaned into his elbows, his head in his hands, face flushed with embarrassment and a depth of desire he’d never experienced before. 

Merlin’s tongue left a hot stripe from the top of his ass to his perineum. When he blew a cool breath over his trail, Eggsy shivered. “More,” Eggsy begged, already hoarse. 

Merlin laved at Eggsy languidly, as if they had all the time in the world. Heat and pressure promised ecstacy. Eggsy felt himself spiral under Merlin’s expert care. 

The tip of Merlin’s tongue probed in and Eggsy’s hips moved, seeking friction and finding nothing but empty space. 

“Please.” Eggsy didn’t think he could say more. 

A finger, slicked and warm, gave a stroke before pressing in. Eggsy released a heavy sigh at the stretch. There was no pain, only a familiar yearning for what came next. He sat backward, urging Merlin deeper. 

Merlin was as patient with his fingers as he had been with his tongue; Eggsy warred with his hunger for more, harder, faster and his wish to relish each second.

When Merlin finally dragged the head of his arousal at Eggsy’s entrance, Eggsy’s soft, needy sounds must have alerted Merlin to how close he was. Merlin brought a hand around and grasped the base of Eggsy’s cock. It was the first time he’d given Eggsy’s dick any attention; Eggsy was surprised it worked to hold off his orgasm instead of sending him over the edge.

Merlin took a long minute to feel the goosebumps rising on Eggsy’s sides and kiss his back before easing himself in. He slid until fully seated and came to rest. One hand still a firm grip on Eggsy, the other propped him on the mattress, holding him up from forcing Eggsy to support his full weight.

“I’m OK,” Eggsy said, but his voice was breaking. He was sure Merlin could see his face now; he didn’t hide the tears that welled in his eyes. Merlin’s lips against his shoulder were enough to send one rolling down his cheek. 

“I want to see you.” It scared Eggsy to admit that aloud, but Merlin kissed him again before gently changing their position.

As they moved, Eggsy saw how hard Merlin was, flesh thick and straining against his own skin. Precome smeared and glistened on his thighs, mixed with the lubricant coating his length. Eggsy reached for Merlin and linked their fingers as Merlin lined himself up. After the smallest nod and another rogue tear, Merlin accepted Eggsy’s cues.

Eggsy’s lips parted in a silent gasp and Merlin dropped his head to Eggsy’s chest on an exhale. 

Eggsy brought his hand to Merlin’s scalp and his mouth followed. He whispered half-words and inaudible promises, trusting the sounds of their love making to drown out apologies Merlin wouldn’t understand.

Merlin moved; the first pull and push, of out and in, nearly cast Eggsy into orgasm.

Eggsy squeezed Merlin’s hand and brought their lips together. They panted as they rocked into the mattress. 

The desperate noises Merlin made as he surged toward the edge, the breathless moments, the oaths that Eggsy didn’t expect to hear left Eggsy wide-eyed and speechless. 

Merlin tensed and groaned above him. At the feel of Merlin’s cock throbbing inside of him, Eggsy let go of his control and shook apart. 

They held each other until Eggsy shivered under a cool draft and their sticky mess called them apart. 

After retrieving a warm flannel, Merlin cleaned Eggsy with tender sweeps of cloth -- with reverence, with love. Eggsy cleared his throat; he fought the urge to turn away and hide. 

Soon, Merlin was lying at his side.

__*--*__  
__*--*__  
__*--*__

Delicately, Merlin asked, “Should we talk about the dream, mo chride?”

Captivated by the mossy, sunkissed eyes staring back at him, Eggsy stroked Merlin’s unshaven cheek. He gave a gentle shake of his head and a careful smile. “What do ya say to a beach day?”

Merlin’s brow twitched before he spoke. “You hate the beach,” his voice was laden with a caution Eggsy didn’t understand.

Eggsy kissed lips. “You love it. And I like watching your toes squish in,” Eggsy assured Merlin he could enjoy the sand as much as him, if for different reason.

“Ye have a strange thing for my feet, lad.”

Eggsy chuckled and shifted closer. They stayed wrapped up in each other so long his arm fell asleep, then remained a minute longer before Eggsy could bring himself to complain.

~*~*~

Their stroll along the water’s edge left their skin stiff with a salty film, but gave Merlin's toes plenty opportunity to dig and curl in the grasses and sand. Merlin collected smooth pieces of sea glass until his pockets were lumpy and wet.

While Eggsy felt no outright contempt for sand nor sea, Merlin hadn’t been entirely wrong. Besides watching Merlin’s meditative walk along the surf, there was little that held Eggsy’s interest. 

They stopped at a jetty of jagged rock and anxiety twisted behind Eggsy's ribs. He suppressed a nervous laugh and pushed the feeling aside. He'd faced more treacherous obstacles than this. Though something told him to be wary of the place, he felt strangely drawn to it.

Merlin hesitated, so Eggsy led their ascent. He reached behind him to help Merlin up. Despite Eggsy’s proficiency in climbing, Merlin’s bare feet gripped the edges of stone better than trainers. When they’d reached the precipice, Eggsy kicked off his shoes and tossed them to the shore. 

In the mist of crashing waves, Eggsy filled his lungs with ocean air. The wind whipped around them, pulling Merlin’s shirt to the curves of his torso. Merlin stood steadfast. Still, Eggsy felt compelled to provide protection. He wrapped his arms about Merlin's waist.

“How could I hate sharing this with you?”

Merlin returned Eggsy’s embrace and placed a lingering kiss on his forehead. Eggsy smiled up at him and noticed the beautiful eyes gazing down at him glistened, rimmed in red. 

Merlin kissed him again, then walked carefully to the jetty’s peak. He reached into his pocket and took out a few pieces of the glass he’d found. He arranged them in a small pile and shuffled along the slippery rocks back to Eggsy’s arms.

They listened to the waves; watched them crest, crash, and recede.

“Shall we go?” Merlin asked as the sun sank west.

Eggsy dried Merlin's cheeks with a gentle touch. “If ya like.”

When they reached to the house, Eggsy sat down on the porch and treated Merlin to a foot rub. He kneaded the muscles and tendons as meticulously as he'd done the prostheses. He tipped his head forward, kissing each of Merlin's knees and down his shins.

“What's all this, love?” Merlin carded his hand through Eggsy's hair. “More pampered than Roxanne done Sam’s swollen ankles.” Merlin rolled his own in Eggsy's lap, happy for more.

Eggsy lifted his head at the mention of Roxy. “They’re doing well these days.” He hid his ignorance with a statement, but it was more a question of genuine interest.

“Parenthood suits them well.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy agreed; it felt right. “And what about us?”

“Us?”

Eggsy hugged Merlin’s legs. The home around them looked as though it housed a lot of love. It seemed a life he'd like to keep.

“Are ye saying what I think?” Merlin approached the subject delicately. “You'd consider a child again? Perhaps re-enter the adoption pool?”

Eggsy's eyes went wide and his heart swelled. _Be a dad?_

“There dinnae need be a rush. We can take time; explore our options.”

Warmth spread through Eggsy from his core. “I mean, I'd like to talk to Daisy first, but... yeah, babe. I would.” It felt like the easiest decision he’d ever made.

Merlin stumbled over his words. “O-- of course. Want we can visit with your Ma Sunday.”

“Sunday?” Eggsy tilted his head. “Why wait?”

Slowly, Merlin sat forward and took Eggsy's hand. “Aye, why wait? When you're ready, we'll go.”

Eggsy kissed Merlin as he stood and went to the bedroom to dress. He didn’t bother with a shower. Perhaps they could convince Mum to hand Daisy over for the afternoon; though it was likely too cold, he’d always wanted to teach his girl to swim.

Eggsy found his set of drawers easily; like other skills acquired during the jumps in time, his hands knew which knobs to pull.

Feeling around for a pair of socks, Eggsy bumped into a small, grey box. It felt like velvet in his hand. Curious, Eggsy opened it. 

Tucked into the slot of the box’s pillow was the Kingsman medal. Close at hand, but out of sight. Eggsy was right to think he had found a place of peace and happiness with Merlin here. 

Then, something in Eggsy told him to look underneath. 

Eggsy turned the box over in his palm and the pillow slipped out -- along with a pair of rings. Eggsy closed his hand around the rings and held his fist to his heart. 

He slipped the three pieces of jewelry into his pocket. It was time to pass the talisman onto his sister, time to choose to stay.

“No second thoughts?” Merlin asked gently from the hall.

Eggsy’s smile was bright as he took Merlin’s hand. 

Eggsy chatted the whole way; he hoped Daisy would be excited for their plans. He beamed at Merlin and squeezed his hand on the drive. He cherished the skin, muscle, and bone clasped in his. 

Merlin kept his eyes on the road as Eggsy spoke, giving soft hums of interest along the way.

Too soon, they pulled up to a church and parked.  
Too quietly, Merlin stood from the car and waited by a tall, dark gate. 

Eggsy's great happiness turned to a most dreadful nightmare as Merlin walked him to Daisy's stone and added a perfect disc of sea glass to the others. 

Eggsy drew in a sharp breath as the day's puzzle came together: Merlin's hesitancy for the beach, the anxious knot around his heart at the jetty, the wedge of gulls engraved beside her epitaph.

He clung to Merlin to keep from collapsing and wept openly without a word. 

Merlin pressed his lips to the top of Eggsy’s head and held him tight.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for continuing to read, subscribe, bookmark, and leave kudos/comments. It's encouraging to know other people are interested in where my story is taking our boys. 
> 
> You'll notice there are only three chapters left. Our happy ending is approaching fast.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and what follows. :)

After the next day's training, Eggsy woke with a cold spot on Merlin's half of the bed. There was one black suit hanging on the bureau, a ring on his finger and its mate on his necklace. 

Eggsy tore through the house looking for his Kingsman medallion. 

He ignored the frantic pleas from Harry and Percival to breathe. 

He watched the K descend through the amber with a silent scream.

~*~*~

>>>>>

~*~*~

The next four days of training resulted in similar end. Maybe it was the extra time he’d spent with Daisy, the depths of Kingsman systems he’d reached and files he’d altered, the urgency (surely felt) in his time with Merlin, but failures -- big and small -- kept coming.

Eggsy pressed on. He knew there was happiness just out of reach.

~*~*~

>>>>>

~*~*~

Eggsy woke in the barracks and didn't bother getting out of bed.

Merlin said, "Move," and Eggsy's eyes stung with tears that wouldn't come. 

"Are ye ill?" Merlin stood in the doorway looking severe.

"Cursed, as ya say." Eggsy pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. He knew there was only so much longer he could go on like this. "Would it be all right if I don't shoot my dog today?"

Merlin waved Roxy off to see her mentor and sat at the foot of Eggsy’s bed. “What’s all this?”

“There’s this voice inside, a whisper that follows no matter what I do. Over and over, I hear it: Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.” Eggsy’s shoulders trembled. “And I do. Every morning, I wake up; but I’m never where I want to be.” He extended his hand for Merlin’s and sucked in a stuttering breath when Merlin pulled away. 

Eggsy dragged his hands down his face. “I never thought I was a person who had trouble finding happy. But the more life I live, the harder it’s become. I’m scared, ‘Mish. What if I can’t find the way back? What if it never gets better?”

Medical took Eggsy for an immediate psych evaluation and considered him a wash-out. There were no warnings, no letters, no goodbyes.

~*~*~

>>>>>

~*~*~

Eggsy found himself in the barracks the very next morning. It took him a moment to get the date from Roxy -- to realize it was, yet again, the day he'd be told to shoot JB. V Day or some other tragedy, Eggsy guessed, had stripped him of a future to which he could jump.

Eggsy took a shower cold enough to match the ice in his veins and dressed for the morning meeting. 

Roxy leaned into his space as they waited for Arthur to begin. “What’s wrong?”

It was a question to which Eggsy had become accustomed to ignoring. Merlin cleared his throat, bringing their attention to the head of the Table before Eggsy had a chance to give her a lie.

Arthur said his piece and Eggsy prepared himself for the speech he’d give once Chester left them to their scheduled training. Eggy’s script was prepared, though he wondered what good that did given the recent outcomes.

~*~*~

Merlin held his clipboard tablet, knuckles white. Percival hid his hands behind his back, but Eggsy guessed they were clenched and ready for a fight. Harry had already begun his pacing.

“So what do we do?” 

Eggsy snapped his head toward the doorway and found Roxy standing at the ready. Her voice was hard as her gaze. 

“I don’t know,” Eggsy answered honestly. Besides feeling trapped by the inescapable and torturous episodes he’d endured recently, he’d never kept Roxy around for ‘the talk.’ A curious, grounding weight settled over him as she stepped toward the cluster of men.

“Wasn’t asking you.” Roxy’s eyes fell on her uncle, then their quartermaster. 

Merlin gave a sharp shake of his head; he needed more information. His long strides took him into the hall toward Arthur’s office.

“Well, when _are_ we going to figure out a course of action?” Harry’s fingers combed through his hair, curling into fists in his frustration. 

“Galahad,” Percival snapped and everyone froze. He put a hand to Harry’s chest and Eggsy turned away. If Percival knew Harry at least half as well as Eggsy did, Eggsy figured a little privacy was in order. Roxy’s eyebrows shot up as she watched her uncle crowd Harry against the wall. “The only one tugging on that beautiful head of hair is going to be me.” His voice dropped lower, but carried through the stillness of the room. “Is that clear?”

Eggsy blushed and Roxy coughed into her hand. 

Percival’s lips were centimeters from Harry’s, but his expression was all business as he turned his eyes on the candidates. “Merlin will gather the intel we need to build a plan. Can’t do anything without direction or a mark.”

“We’re bloody Kingsman,” Roxy argued. “We can’t sit on our hands.”

“And we don’t patch our turrets with mud and sand while the castle’s foundation crumbles.” 

Roxy huffed under Percival’s correction, but she didn’t shrink. “Well, we know we’ll be going after Valentine at least. I’ll gather supplies, ready a plane.”

“Be careful, Roxy.” The pressure of Percival’s hand on his chest left Harry breathless. He strained against Percival’s hold, half-hearted; he could have broken free if he tried. “We don’t know how far King’s influence has stretched.”

Merlin entered the room looking rumpled and determined. Arthur had put up a struggle -- or Merlin had taken it upon himself to rough him up for selling out the service for personal gain. “We have work to do,” he said to the room. “What’s going on over there?”

Eggsy smirked and shoved his hands in his pockets.

Roxy sighed, “Unresolved sexual tension, I think.”

“Hmph.” Merlin swiped at his tablet screen, addressed the men in the corner without sparing them a second glance. “Well, fuck it out now. Won’t have this sorted for a few hours at the earliest. Likely I’ll work on it through the night. Have ye wheels up in the morning.” 

Merlin had his recruits follow him to the his office and fitted Roxy with glasses, watch and earpiece. She headed out on her first mission with a written list. 

With a swivel of his chair, Merlin grabbed another set of equipment. He closed the drawer, ready to fit Eggsy as well and frowned. “What are ye doing?”

“Sitting.” Eggsy had decided to hang back and took his usual seat. “Until you remember you trust me enough to help.” He gestured toward the control panel and the spare laptop at the far end of the desk.

“Ye could be with Roxy. Have her back in case there’s trouble.” Even as he said it Merlin was tapping into her feed and setting a small monitor to watch her progress through headquarters.

“Grabbing weaponry from shelves and sticking ‘em in bags ain’t rocket science, guv. I’m more than confident she’s got a handle on it.”

Eggsy patted his thighs to the rhythm of Merlin’s foot, skipping a beat here and there on purpose. Other than the quiet song, Eggsy waited patiently. It was an hour before Merlin acknowledged him again.

“I need the loo.”

“Want me to check in with Rox?”

Merlin pressed his palms to his eyes and shook his head. “How about ye keep your hands to yourself while I’m gone. I’ll be back in but a minute.”

Eggsy’s stomach grumbled. Though it was early, even for a lunch break, he took the opportunity to call Aroi and placed an order for takeout. 

Merlin returned with a cuppa for each of them and sat hunched at his station as if he’d never left.

Eggsy stood with a stretch. “Well, I’m going to grab a bite. You hungry?”

Merlin gave a grunt.

Putting on his best impression of his friend’s accent, Eggsy responded for him, “Aye, Eggsy, starving. Food sounds a spectacular idea. Cheers.”

Eggsy’s voice became his own. “You’re very welcome, Merlin. I’d love to have lunch with you. I’m in the mood for Thai.”

Merlin’s typing slowed and he turned to look over his shoulder. “Nae, all that hot curry--”

“I tried nearly everything on the menu. Believe me, there’s mild and sweeter options that won’t mess you up. Promise I wouldn’t do anything to hurt ya.” Eggsy stopped himself. “But if you’d rather something else…”

“Not lamb. Had enough of that growin’ up and was never quite fond.”

“Any other dietary restrictions?” Eggsy asked, amused.

“Prefer hot veg over salad.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy tipped his head to the side, considering it. “The only dressing they have is peanut sauce. It’s OK every once in a while, but ya only ever pick at the bean sprouts so I figured it wasn’t worth the money this time.”

Merlin’s eyebrow quirked up and Eggsy ran back what he’d said. Maybe if he ignored the slip Merlin would write it off as a general statement. 

Eggsy took a Kingsman car over to the restaurant and wondered what the hell he was doing. Roxy being in the room had thrown him off -- thrown everyone off, at least a little -- but that didn’t mean he should rush the day, squander his time. 

He stopped by pharmacy on the way back to HQ and hoped that veering so far off script was the right thing for all of them. 

A buzz sounded over the door, but that wasn’t the what sparked Eggsy’s interest as he entered the shop. A soft chorus of mewls called him to the register. Beside a young cashier was a playpen of grey kittens. They tumbled with each other in a small piles, knocking litter onto the carpet without a care.

“They’re free to a good home,” the cashier said -- Eileen, according to her nametag. 

Their tiny folded ears reminded him so much of the cats he’d known. Eggsy crouched beside the fencing with his fingers through the grate. Wrapped up in their games, none of the kittens paid him any mind. He took a picture with his phone and stood. 

He headed for the aisle of indigestion relief, looking back at the playpen. Each tiny meow tugged at his heart. 

When he placed his items at the register to pay, he noticed a lone cat, pawing a bell. He excused himself and Eileen smiled. Eggsy went over to the runt of the litter and reached over to stroke it’s nose. The cat lifted its head at the touch, but stared off toward the fluorescent lighting, eyes cloudy and unfocused. 

Eggsy’s chest grew tight. “This one’s blind,” he whispered more to himself than aloud, but Eileen confirmed it with a sigh of pity.

“He’ll be the hardest to place, I wager.”

Eggsy scooped him up and placed a kiss between his ears. “Found you, sweetling.” Remembering himself, Eggsy smiled at the cashier. “Got an aisle for pets?”

Eileen stooped behind the counter and held out a small bag of starter supplies. “Not much here, but there’s a shop a few blocks over.” She eyed them both, looking touched. “You sure about that one? Might be underlying health stuff we don’t know about. Any of the others would be easier.”

Eggsy scratched the kitten’s chin and bundled him in his jacket. “I rarely take the easy way through.” He paid for his items and took the bags from the counter. “Cheers.” He lifted a paw to have the kitten wave at Eileen. “Say toodles, Mr. Magoo.”

Eileen waved back with a wistful smile. “Funny. I call him that as well.”

~*~*~

Eggsy headed straight for Merlin’s room and set up a small space in the corner. After giving Magoo a final cuddle, he set the fellow down and watched him curl into a flannel for his nap. “That’s right, get your rest. Big days ahead.”

Merlin was guiding Roxy through the control panel of the plane as Eggsy walked in. “Nae, ye cannae flip all the switches like they do in Star Wars, lass. I know it looks fun. Press the red button. Aye, the red one. Nothing will explode. Don’ ye sound so disappointed. The time will come for destruction soon enough.”

“She really likes to make things go boom.” Eggsy put down their lunch, ready to unpack.

Merlin covered his microphone to speak privately. “Aye. Aggressive streak in that family, hidden by their insane ability to mask it with calm.” 

Merlin held his neck stiff as he passed his attention between the screens. His hand came up to the base of his skull, but was at his glasses and back to the keyboard after the brief squeeze.

Eggsy came up behind his chair and spoke low at his ear. “Do I have permission to touch you, guv? Been told I’m pretty good with my hands and your shoulders look like they’ll snap if they don’t loosen up.” 

“Aye, that’s fine.”

Eggsy’s hands came to rest at the sides of Merlin’s neck and he felt the muscles jump beneath his fingers. 

“Ye got the one, Roxy. That’ll do,” Merlin said quickly before he cupped the microphone again. To Eggsy, he turned. “What are ye doing?”

“I thought you said I could--” Eggsy stepped back in embarrassment, realizing Merlin’s words of consent hadn’t been as he thought. 

Their eyes met: Eggy’s full of apology, Merlin’s of wonder.

“OK.” Merlin said and he slowly brought his attention to the monitor where Roxy sat in the cockpit of Kingsman’s fastest jet.

Eggsy’s hands alighted Merlin’s neck once more. Instead of tensing, Eggsy felt the man breathe into the touch. Eggsy let muscle memory of his fingers and the roll of Merlin’s shoulders lead him in the massage. He worked on knots down the sides of his spine and corrected Merlin’s posture with gentle pressure. He didn’t realize how familiar he had allowed his touches to become until his forehead came to rest in the crook of Merlin’s neck. 

Eggsy pulled his hands from the knots at Merlin’s lower back and straightened up. 

The lack of keyboard strokes was what Eggsy noticed first, followed by the way Merlin’s head hung lazily forward. Slow and even breaths whispered over the silent surveillance of Mission Church as Merlin slept.

Eggsy smoothed his hand over Merlin’s head and rubbed the nape of his neck. “Hey, ‘Mish. Wake up, babe,” he whispered. “C’mon. I’ll put ya to bed. The food ‘ll keep an hour or so.” 

Taking Merlin’s dead weight against his hip wasn’t as difficult as it once may have been, although Eggsy did miss the muscles five years as a Kingsman would bring. He dragged their feet down the short hallway to Merlin’s room and tucked him in.

A quick check on Mags showed that he had eaten a lick of food and found a new sleep spot in the corner.

It was tempting to return to the control room and continue Merlin’s work, but that would be a breach of trust if ever there was one. Instead, Eggsy set an alarm on his phone and risked sitting on the edge of the mattress. 

Cautiously, he took one of Merlin’s hands in his. Eggsy massaged the fingers that were sure to be cramping and continued up the forearm. The blank expanse of skin on Merlin’s wrist called his attention. With reverence, Eggsy drew the pattern he knew so well.

When he looked up to watch Merlin’s face as he slept, he saw tired eyes watching him. 

“It’s not really end of the world, ye know.”

Eggsy lifted an eyebrow. “Did ya get a chance to tell Percival and Harry? Pretty sure you gave them permission to have end of the world sex in every room of the estate.”

Merlin shrugged and stretched in one. “It’s about time,” he laughed and Eggsy memorized every lift and pause.

“Yours is my favorite laugh.” Eggsy noticed his fingers gliding up and down Merlin’s arm and stopped.

“So, it doesn’t bother ye? The two of them?”. Merlin's pulse beat faster beneath Eggsy's fingertips.

“Might have once. But my heart's been set on someone else for awhile now.”

“Eggsy?”

“Yeah?” He pulled his hands into his lap and readied himself to stand.

“Would ye like to have dinner with me?” Merlin reached out to him until the tip of his forefinger tickled Eggsy’s knee. “I know a little place; serves tepid take away with a microwave option for reheating.”

Eggsy smiled. “I’d like that very much, Merlin.”

“And perhaps, even if only for tonight, ye would call me Hamish?”

A lump formed in Eggsy’s throat; he nodded and Merlin’s nail caught on the seam of his trousers.

~*~*~

Despite the promise of food, Merlin gazed longingly at his station.

“Go on.” Eggsy shooed him toward the opposite end of the desk. “But don’t start anything I can’t pull ya away from. It’ll only take a few minutes to get this all laid out.” 

Merlin wheeled his chair to his computer; his fingers flew over the keys.

Eggsy hooked the bags on his arms and set off to bring their food up to temperature in the cafeteria.

It ended up taking longer than he estimated, to warm each box of food, but eventually he was waiting at the office door. Laden with steaming boxes of chicken, beef, and rice, Eggsy used his elbow to knock. 

Merlin helped Eggsy with his burden and, together, they dished out the food.

“That’s for ye to tinker with,” Merlin said, pointing to a laptop near his own monitors. 

“Cheers, guv.” He handed Merlin a box of fish cake. “After we eat, yeah? We save the world?”

Merlin eyed the pharmacy bag and peeked inside. “Antacid and... cream?”

Eggsy snickered; he’d almost forgotten the initial reason for his pit stop. “Usually one of two reasons someone doesn’t like spicy. Figured I’d cover both ends in case you wanted to try something new.”

“This is all rather new to me, Eggsy.” Merlin held his mouth in a line before opening the box of antacid and taking a pill with his tea. “It's not every day you find out the head of your organization is a megalomaniac set to destroy humanity as we know it.” He waited for Eggsy to sit with him before digging into the food.

“No?” Eggsy’s response was perhaps more light-hearted than the situation called for. “Can't say it’s my first go at this sort of thing.”

Merlin’s eyes settled on Eggsy with empathy. Eggsy wondered to what part of his history Merlin thought he was referring. “Must make it difficult to trust people.”

“I like to think it's made me a better judge of character.” Eggsy passed Merlin a cup of wine. Their hands brushed and Eggsy’s stomach did a flip. 

“Thank ye for dinner,” Merlin said after they’d eaten half the meal in a comfortable silence.

“Didn’t look like you were gonna stop to eat unless someone made you.”

“You’re probably right.”

Eggsy hummed around a cube of beef. He saw Merlin eying the fork at his lips. “If you want some, “ he said, tucking the meat in his cheek so he could speak clearly before swallowing, “you’re welcome to it.” There was more than enough to share and still have leftovers for a meal later in the evening.

“OK.” 

Eggsy waited, but Merlin didn’t make a move. He speared some vegetable and meat onto his own fork and held it out for Merlin to take.

There was a moment where Merlin glanced from the bite to Eggsy’s eyes and back. Merlin leaned forward and ate from Eggsy’s hand. He chewed and swallowed with uncertainty in his eyes and color rising in his cheeks.

Eggsy placed his fork down, both worried things were moving too fast and wanting desperately to pull Merlin closer. “It’s going to be all right, Hamish.”

“Think I should be assurring ye, not the other way ‘round.”

“Doesn’t matter who says it. We’re getting through this together, yeah?”

Merlin drained his wine and had a last mouthful of chicken. “This was delicious, but we’ve dawdled long enough.” He closed the disposable container and placed it in the bag with the other boxes. 

Eggsy followed suit and then wheeled his chair down the length of the desk. He stopped at the station Merlin had set up for him and lifted the laptop open. 

As Merlin made a cafeteria run to refrigerate the leftovers, Eggsy’s hands tapped out the tune he had yet to decipher.

“Log in with your handprint and optical scan,” Merlin said, placing a pair of coffees with sides of cream and sugar packets between them. “I need ye to fish around for information on Valentine. But I’ll walk ye through til you’re comfortable on your own.”

Eggsy smiled. This part would go quickly, and they’d easily make up for lost time. 

When he found more than what was being asked of him, Eggsy held back. He was careful not to overwhelm Merlin with plots better saved for after Valentine’s threat had been neutralized.

They were hashing out a plan to ambush Valentine outside Mission Church, when Merlin’s hand went to his stomach. 

“Excuse me a moment.”

Eggsy grimaced as Merlin left the office hugging his middle. “Bollocks.”

Merlin was back before long to take another antacid. Eggsy didn’t miss when he grabbed the cream from the pharmacy bag as well, slipping it into his back pocket.

“Shite. I’m sorry, Hamish. I should have backed down, gotten something else. I thought you’d be OK.” _He’d always been OK; hadn’t he?_ Eggsy questioned whether he’d ever stayed awake long enough to find out.

“Don’t ye worry. I overdid it, but likely would have ended up at the pharmacy one way or another. Stomach cannae handle stress the way it used to.”

Eggsy put down his pen and sat up straighter. “About that. I got ya something else to help.”

“Did ye now?”

Eggsy ducked out to grab Magoo, his crate, and a blanket. 

Merlin’s eyes landed on the ball of fluff in Eggsy’s arms and he reached for it without hesitation. “Ye really want me to get nothing done today, don’t ye.”

“We can take cuddle breaks after every hour or so of work.”

Merlin looked up at him wide-eyed as the kitten settled into his lap. 

“Cuddles with Mags, I meant,” Eggsy said, his voice wavering. 

The kitten yawned and stretched before lying in the dip of Merlin’s thighs. “Wee sleepy bastard,” he grumbled, but his fingers pushed at the pads of the kitten’s paws affectionately. “Mags?”

“Magoo. His eyes aren’t quite right. The girl at the pharmacy thought she’d not find anyone to take this guy, but I thought you’d give him a good home.”

Merlin played with the kitten’s limp limbs as it lie belly-up. “Mr. Magoo was a lucky chap, if memory serves.” It was a while before he declared an end to cuddle time and until then Eggsy cherished every coo that fell from Merlin’s lips. 

Eventually, the quartermaster was back to business. He had Eggsy review the tactical plans they'd made, acting every bit focused as he should be. But in his lap, he allowed the kitten to remain.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to again express thanks to each of my readers - you are all wonderful and amazing.  
> I love hearing from you! <3 I hope you are all enjoying this.
> 
> A big shout out to everyone who has stuck it out to Chapter 10, woo hoo! You made it far enough to get a taste of their Happily Ever After!

>>>>>

The alarm chimed and Eggsy rolled onto a cold pillow toward the sound. It was the empty bed that fueled him for action more than the increasing volume of the bells. He silenced the phone, calmed his heart, and stood to take his usual survey of the room.

There were picture frames hanging on the walls.  
He, Daisy, and Merlin smiled at him from nearly every one.  
No prayer cards, urns, or medals of honor were arranged on the mantle. 

Expelling a long breath, Eggsy pulled down a snapshot of their little family. Written across the back in Merlin’s scrawl: Happy 4th Birthday, Flower (Daisy meets her first penguin). 

With his eyes closed it was almost like Eggsy had been there, the memory just out of reach. 

JB barked at his feet and Eggsy hugged the photo to his chest. 

“Good to see you too, boy.” He followed the pug’s eager waddle to the door and let him out into the yard.

While JB had his morning romp, Eggsy poked around the house. A well-worn cushion lay near the fireplace, wide enough for JB and Mags to share. A bookshelf-made-cat tree was tucked into the far corner of the sitting room. There was a room for Daisy, surprisingly neat for a seven-year-old. And at the end of the hall sat a large office with two desks. Eggsy knew immediately whose was whose; Merlin’s desk being tidy and sparse as usual meant the mess of newspapers and blueprints swallowing the other half of the room belonged to him.

The calendar on the wall was marked for Harry and Percival’s final fitting at Noon, rehearsal dinner at 6. The screen of his phone read the same. 

Eggsy smiled at his home, readied himself, and went to the shop for his suit.

Upon Eggsy’s arrival at Kingsman Tailors, Rose welcomed him with a weary smile. He continued his chalk pattern sketch. A length of fabric laid across his table, cut for a vest, Eggsy guessed. “How d’you do, Mordred?”

“I’m well, thanks.” Eggsy looked down at the tailor’s marks and accepted that he’d never understand the loops and figures Rose used in his work. Even after passing through the shop countless times and peeking at the scribbles, it was always indecipherable gibberish. 

“It’s good to see you, sir,” Eggsy said, bracing the tailor at arm’s length and gave him a pat. “If ya haven’t already, I’d like you to have final say on my suit. Yours are the hands I trust, long as you’re feeling up for it.”

“Of course, sir. You always keep me busy.”

“Chrissake, Gary.” Percival’s voice carried into the main shop from behind a dressing room door. “Give the man a rest, now and then.”

“Helping you is a pleasure,” Rose whispered to Eggsy as he passed. “I’ll happily rest when I’m dead.”

Percival’s head appeared around the door, his bloodshot eyes giving him a wild look. “He left?” The agent sounded near panic.

His urgency lit a spark in Eggsy’s gut. “What’s wrong?”

Percival beckoned Eggsy into the fitting room. There wasn’t much space for pacing, but Percival managed to turn a dizzying circle. 

This wasn’t like him at all. “Pre-wedding jitters?”

“What if Harry doesn’t show?” Percival asked, toeing the line of hyperventilation. 

A slow smile curled Eggsy’s mouth. “He will.”

“What if he changes his mind?”

“He won’t.”

Percival stopped and stared. “You’re always so sure about this.”

“Given a hundred -- a thousand -- lifetimes, Harry’s heart will always choose you.”

Percival struggled for control over his breathing and Eggsy saw the need for a more pointed intervention. 

“Guns or fists?” Eggsy asked. He moved into a loose fighting stance and watched Percival mirror his position. Squaring off against him was natural.

Percival swung first. 

‘Nothing neck up’ must have been a predetermined rule, but beyond that, they didn't hold back. 

Their scuffle lasted but a few minutes before Eggsy wrestled Percival to the floor and in a headlock. Percival tapped out and the men took to separate corners as if readying themselves for round two. 

Eggsy wiped his forehead with his sleeve and wondered how Merlin was faring with the other groom. 

Sitting on the floor with his back to the wall, Percival used a pocket square to dab at his throat. He stuffed it back in his jacket when he was done and somehow it looked perfect and undisturbed. “I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend such as you. Thank you.” 

Eggsy held out a hand and hoisted Percival to his feet.

“Glad you’ll be at my side up there.”

“Don't think there'll be much time for a scrap between ‘I Do’s,” Eggsy winked.

Percival held Eggsy at the wrist. “If I pass out, you’ll catch me?” Eggsy was going to make a joke, but Percival was looking a bit pale. “Your duty as Best Man.”

Eggsy nodded to hide his surprise and adjusted his friend’s cufflinks. “Your fall will be elegant and distinguished.” He whispered conspiratorially though they were alone in the room, “I’ll bring smelling salts.”

~*~*~ 

At the evening’s rehearsal dinner, Eggsy toasted to Harry and Cole with an abundance of affection. “...To love as it grows through moments, even when you don't realize it's happening.”

Eggsy found Merlin at the bar afterward. With each of them focused on and dedicated to a groom, they hadn’t yet connected. Eggsy lost time daydreaming how he and Merlin would greet each other. He was anxious to tuck into his side, feel his man’s arms around him, and relax into his embrace. 

Merlin raised his glass as Eggsy sat in the stool beside him. “Can I get ye one?” His voice was even, face blank.

Eggsy teased, “Not cider tonight?” A quick poke at Merlin’s ribs would soften him up, he thought.

Merlin looked at Eggsy with pinched expression.

Merlin was obviously in a mood, but Eggsy smiled. Couldn’t fault Merlin for being worried about the impending nuptials. If Percival had given into pacing, Merlin must have been dragging Harry back from a ledge. 

“Whatever you're having,” Eggsy said. “That'd be great.” 

The bartender set them up with three fingers each and moved on to another guest.

Eggsy clinked his glass against Merlin’s and had a sip of the scotch. 

Merlin downed his in one go. 

Eggsy took another taste, observing the party happening all around them. Music played, their friends danced; he swayed in time. He wondered if Merlin was the dancing sort.

“Set out a dish of wet for Mags tonight. In case dinner runs late. Do you think he got out? I don’t like the idea of him being outside all alone.”

Merlin drew a finger round the lip of his cup and gave an almost shake of his head. “He’s fine.”

Eggsy leaned onto the bar. _C’mon, babe. Snap out of this._ “When I found him, he was so small, remember? That day. You and I. It was the start between us, yeah?” Eggsy hoped the little nudge would bring a fond memory to surface. But to see something like Merlin’s happiness in the photographs was too much to ask.

Merlin pushed his empty glass away from him with a scowl. “Try not to get stuck on what could have been, lad.”

Eggsy’s hand froze mid-reach to Merlin. Though he fought to puzzle together the day, there was no time to unravel. Eggsy needed to play catch-up. “When did we become a ‘what could have been,’ Hamish?”

Merlin’s grip tightened around his cup and Eggsy saw the seam where flesh and bone met the synthetic material of his fingers. "Poppy,” Merlin said as the bartender filled his drink. “Believe that was the beginning of our end. Dean gave up custody of Daisy. And, well, you know the rest."

 _We didn’t stop Poppy in time. I got Dais._ Eggsy stared into his drink, let the information settle. "Lost Mum." _There was always something._ He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "So, what; that was it then? You didn't want us?"

Merlin set his eyes on Eggsy in unmasked anger. "How could ye say that?" 

"Thought Daisy a burden or something? I bet she's fucking perfect." Merlin’s gaze burned into him like fire, but Eggsy returned it with all he had. 

"Of course she is." Merlin lifted his palm in presentation and Eggsy turned. 

On the dancefloor, a child spun with Roxy and her partner. There was no mistaking Daisy: he’d seen her grow up in the pictures; she had their mother's smile. Eggsy couldn't take his eyes off her. 

Daisy's dress lifted as she twirled, revealing a metal prosthesis thigh down. It reminded him of Gazelle, and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. 

Eggsy's hand went for his Kingsman pendant and held it so tight he felt his nails dig at his palms.

"Shit don't happen for reason,” he choked out, blinking back tears. “None of this meant anything. I run around in circles and it's all random, innit?” Eggsy felt Merlin shift at his side. “When I don't lose Daisy, I lose Mum; I lose..." 

A weight settled onto Eggsy's spine, a spot of steady pressure he recognized as Merlin's hand. 

Merlin's eyebrows came together in concern. "Do ye want to get out of here? I do know a place with a half-decent cider on tap, if that's what ye still want. Roxanne will mind the lass."

“Yeah.” Eggsy wiped at his nose with a napkin. “I'll just be a minute.” 

Eggsy made sure Roxy was all right with his sister, which got him a look like he'd sprouted an extra head.

Eggsy frowned, “If you can't, it's fine. I--”

“You and Merlin are going out for a drink?”

“Easier to talk in a place that's not... here.”

“Guess it's about time you done some fence-mending.” Roxy drank from her water glass, lifting an eyebrow in challenge. 

“Eh?”

Roxy raised her hand in greeting to someone behind Eggsy. He didn’t look to see who. 

“I've not seen you two so much as look at each other in years,” she said quiet as she could while still being heard.

Eggsy turned toward the bar where Merlin was laying down a tip. “That's not-- Why would we do that?” 

Roxy’s eyebrow disappeared behind her fringe. 

“Humor me.” Eggsy pleaded with Roxy to no avail.

“Not my circus, not my monkeys. Besides, Daisy and I have more dancing to do.” Roxy called the girl over with a sing-song whistle. She ducked down to Eggsy’s sister, her voice brimming with enthusiasm. “Eggsy said we can have another night’s slumber party. Would you like that?”

Daisy's face lit up and she turned her bright blue eyes on her brother. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, sweetheart.” Eggsy lowered himself to her level and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. There was scarring along her cheek and neck, but she didn't seem at all bothered by it. “That’d be fun, wouldn't it?”

“Sure!” The little girl ran in place as she squealed. Her prosthesis ticked against the hardwood at a lively tempo.

“All right. Imma need loads of hugs n' kisses to hold me over til morning.” Eggsy opened his arms to accept her small frame. “That's right, best start in.” 

When she'd tired of snuggles, Daisy pulled back. “Can you wait until after breakfast to get me? Rox and Sammy make the best pancakes.”

Eggsy looked upon his sister in wonderment. “Of course, Daisy girl. I love you.”

“You too, Eggsy,” she said with a giggle. “Bye!” 

And Daisy was off at a sprint across the dance floor. Eggsy startled when she slipped, but Daisy remained upright by catching hold of someone's coattail. By the way Roxy rubbed the swell of their belly, Eggsy assumed the one in tux and tails was Sam. 

He waved goodbye to the trio and went to meet Merlin at the door. 

Eggsy stood close to Merlin as they walked. He wracked his memory under the din of the city. Nothing about the day before pointed to the space Merlin kept trying to put between them. 

The streetlamps glowed through the fog and mist. A light drizzle brought a chill with the breeze. Eggsy chanced a bump of their shoulders, a brush of hands, but Merlin crossed his arms over his chest.

“I know a lot has happened through the years,” Eggsy's started. “Believe me it's... hard to keep straight... but I've always felt you with me.” Merlin huffed and Eggsy sniffed. “Has it really been so long we’ve gone not speaking?”

Merlin turned his face toward Eggsy, but didn't meet his eye. His gaze returned front and he kept on. 

“God, Merlin, I hurt you, didn't I?”

“Perhaps this was a bad idea.”

“No!” Eggsy reached out, grazing Merlin's sleeve in a plea for him to slow down. “We need to have that drink. It's the only way I can fix this.”

Merlin’s voice was thick. “You think there's something here to fix?”

Eggsy stopped his step. “You look me in the eye and tell me there isn't.”

Merlin looked and swallowed hard. But he said nothing.

“One drink, Hamish, please.”

~*~*~ 

“Ye still set on a pint? Think the night calls for something harder.”

Eggsy removed his necklace and held it in his hand. “Your cider will do just fine.”

“Right.” Merlin glared at him sideways before heading to the bar.

With a heavy heart, Eggsy watched him go and return. He wasn't ready to leave this Merlin yet. Not when he had caused the man such misery. 

“You gave a nice blessing back there,” Merlin said, setting into the booth. He took a shallow sip of his whisky and slid Eggsy’s glass across the table.

Eggsy laughed a sorrowful sound. “Harry said he fell in love with Percival like that and it struck home. Learned from you love at first sight was bullshit. That the real stuff takes root, stretches deep, and grows through experiences you share with someone.”

“Eggsy--”

“I convinced myself, for so long, that I was meant to love Harry. That he was meant to be mine. But you saw us for what we were right away.”

“Don't--”

Eggsy knew he couldn't cut off Merlin's words forever, but there were things that needed to be said.

“There were times you warned me and times you let me fall on my face, but you were always there to pick me up and I understand why. All this, with my Dad and Kingsman, Harry and the rest... if it meant anything at all, it was to bring me to you. I see it, now. I’ve seen how good it can be.”

Merlin's hands wrapped around his drink and his eyes closed.

“Before I do this,” Eggsy said, rubbing his thumb over the pendant, “tell me you loved me once?” 

Merlin turned a hardened gaze on him, but it was a thin shell holding back his pain. “Once.” Then, Merlin stood from the booth and walked away.

Eggsy squeezed his eyes shut and dropped the medallion into the drink.

Nothing happened. Eggsy stirred the cider, fished out the necklace and dropped it in three more times. Nothing.

He thought of his Mum and Daisy, how he had to set their lives right. How readily he'd trade life and limb for his sister. He thought of Harry and Percival, how he didn't want to fuck up the good they got this round. He thought of Merlin's broken heart. 

Eggsy folded his arms on the table and buried his face from the world. When the tears came, he nearly forgot where he was. 

He flinched away from a touch, but settled when he saw Merlin sliding into the bench next to him. 

“I'm sorry.” Eggsy shook under Merlin’s hand. “I'm so sorry for what I done. And I'm sorry I'm askin', but can you please tell me what happened? From your point of view. I can't hear it from anyone else.”

Eggsy must have looked pathetic enough for Merlin to take pity. After draining his cup in one, Merlin began.

“Ye caught my eye from the start, you know. Maybe not love at first sight. Perhaps that is a load of crap. But there was a moment… For me, there was.” 

He told Eggsy their story.

The words Merlin used to describe the younger Eggsy, the tone of voice, held Eggsy's heart in a vice. There could be no doubt Merlin spoke from a place of admiration and respect. And, yes, Eggsy could see Merlin had loved him. 

“As I said, what we had was easy in the beginning. And, my lad, as an agent, you were brilliant -- ye _are_ of course. None see pieces fall together the way ye do.”

“But I couldn't stop Poppy.” Eggsy couldn't remember the details, but this time had been worse. He’d been too late. 

Eggsy knew the habits his mum had fallen into, not only once. If she had died during the fight against Poppy, lack of antidote distribution was the cause. 

“That wasn’t on you alone. Though ye beat yourself up about that day more than any of us, I'll wager.” Merlin's hand alighted Eggsy's back. After some hesitation, he smoothed his palm over Eggsy's curved spine. 

Eggsy rose into the warmth.

“When things in Kentucky went sideways, ye didn’t hesitate. Ye retrieved Harry for us before you'd even taken a name. So determined to save everyone what was left. We were all so proud. Perhaps I didn't show it enough. Maybe I confused things.”

Merlin continued, “After Cambodia and the accident with your mum, Daisy came out of hospital under your care. We were all right, for a while. I do believe that. But suddenly, it was 'missions and developing new tech and Daisy'. Ye didn’t have energy or time for anything else. Called yourself a distraction to me, though I wager ye meant it the other way around.”

Eggsy stared at the Kingsman circle laying inert at the bottom of his glass and cursed the thing.

“Not fair I took it personally, but I did my best to keep Daisy safe nonetheless. Was never trying to ‘condemn her to the life,’ as ye’ve said.”

An image of Daisy playing on the Kingsman estate came unbidden to Eggsy's mind. _His sister held a tablet in her lap, chewed her lip and scrunched her nose as she played._ It was his first memory of the last five years; it had to be.

Kingsman had taken her in, full on. She was comfortable with them because they were family. 

There was a pause as Merlin cleared his throat. He sniffed, but kept his composure. “Don't know how I didn't see you'd turn me down.” 

_Sunset on the porch. Merlin on one knee._ Eggsy swore inaudibly into his hand. 

“Seems so clear now, looking back, you didn't have space in your life for me anymore. Ye closed yourself off; pulled Daisy from me. Always claimed it was best for us, for her, for Kingsman. And it hurt, and I watched you hurting until I couldn't anymore.” 

“The other handlers guided my missions.” Eggsy felt the chasm which had grown between Merlin and him. There was pain like his heart being torn from his chest. 

“Ye had enough on your shoulders. Enough at risk. I understand that now.”

Gently, Eggsy shook his head. “Can we start over? You and me?”

“Can't undo what's been done, Eggsy.”

Wiping his hand over his face, Eggsy tried to stave off another wave of tears. “I'm afraid I can't this time, ya see.” He took a steadying breath before he continued. “D'ya think you could ever love me again? I always been crap at seeing love for what it is. But I get it now, really do, I think. If your answer is 'no' and I can't go back, I lose you all over again.” 

Eggsy’s voice hitched. He couldn't hold back anymore. “And my beautiful Daisy girl, so strong and brave... all she's been through.” Tears streamed down Eggsy's face. 

Merlin’s whisper was barely heard over the growing crowd of the bar. “I never stopped loving ye, lad.”

“But we can't erase the past.”

“Aye. But who's to say we can't move forward? Have something different, something better?”

Eggsy's hand slid tentatively from hugging himself, and onto the table between them. There was no hesitation on Merlin's part to take the hand within his own. 

“Can I ask ye why it's swill ye asked for tonight?”

Eggsy frowned. “What?” Merlin had to be joking, perhaps to lighten the mood. Eggsy played along. “You got something to say about your Da?”

“Only that he’d be rolling in his grave to see what ye done. And a shame to the family, me buying ye that pint of Strongbow.” Merlin threaded his fingers through Eggsy’s as he had himself a chuckle. “Ye were a right bastard for blowing the distillery to hell.”

 _A flash; an explosion on the horizon._ Eggsy had made the choice to stop running years ago.

He considered the permanency of the present and the promise of tomorrow; he didn’t know whether to laugh or weep.

Merlin retrieved the necklace and wrapped it in his pocket square. “Let me walk with ye,” he said, pulling Eggsy out of his thoughts.

 

At crosswalks Eggsy leaned into Merlin’s side and his heart sank when, despite everything, Merlin let him. They wound through a line of shops and waved off a taxi when it started to drizzle. Eggsy purchased a flimsy umbrella from a corner store and laughed at its construction.  
Merlin expressed gratitude toward the thing for performing its function admirably.

“Not everything needs a transponder, armor, and more,” he said to Eggsy as the rain pattered against the thinly stretched nylon above them. 

Caught up in their shared warmth beneath the canopy, and unfamiliar with this section of town, it took Eggsy longer than it should have to notice the roundabout way to the restaurant. With Merlin, he was safe. And of course he wouldn't have rushed Eggsy back to the dinner. But a lack of vigilance was rarely awarded, in Eggsy’s experience.

They stopped in a residential neighborhood in front of a short path to a yellow door. Eggsy’s hand instinctively went for the keys in his pocket. _Home_

“Wanna come in?” Eggsy asked. He held his breath as Merlin looked up at the house and took the first step forward.

Shoes and damp jackets came off in the hallway, each having their designated spot despite the distant years of which Roxy and Merlin had spoken. 

Heart racing and feeling as if the world was moving in slow-motion around him, Eggsy invited Merlin through the foyer. 

Merlin’s hand passed over Eggsy’s arm as he came around. His metal fingertips whispered over the shirt sleeve. 

Eggsy caught the hand before it reached his wrist. There were lifelike materials available; the Kingsman had access to them. He could commission a glove from R&D to hide the mechanics. 

Eggsy brushed Merlin’s palm and watched the fingers curl at the touch. He heard a sharp intake of breath and realized they were standing nose to nose. Before he could ask whether the movement was a reaction to real or perceived stimulus, Eggsy let Merlin withdraw his hand. 

Without a word, Merlin turned in the doorway, faced the sitting room, and paused. 

Eggsy followed Merlin's gaze to the picture frames on the mantle, then to the blanket draped over the sofa's back. 

As he took careful steps toward the couch, Merlin looked this way and that. “You…” he said quietly, as if afraid to wake from a dream. “It's all here.”

JB trotted around the coffee table with a snuff and head-butted Merlin's shin in greeting.

Merlin tried hiding his eyes as he bent low to scratch behind the pug’s little ears, but Eggsy saw a tear roll down his cheek.

“I’ll put the kettle on,” Eggsy offered. He noticed the untouched cat food and checked the expiration date on the cans in the pantry. So good food wouldn’t go to waste, he emptied Magoo’s bowl into JB’s. 

With water to boil, Eggsy opened the cabinet door again. The shelves were well stocked, yet he plucked Merlin's favorite tea from the shelf without trying. 

They sat through two cups before Eggsy noticed the clock. His heart leapt at the time ticking away and he realized again there was no turning back. Still, he reached for his neck.

It was bare.

“Ye always did hold this when ye were nervous.” Merlin unfolded a piece of cloth and presented Eggsy with the necklace.

Eggsy received it with a shaky hand and stared. “I dunno what’ll happen tomorrow.”

Merlin’s eyebrows came together. “That’s nae for any of us to know til it comes. But, hopefully, there’ll be a wedding.”

The tea in his mug was too cold to enjoy, but Eggsy took another sip. “That’s… really happening.” Something like a laugh escaped Eggsy’s throat and he frowned; it was a hollow sound. 

Merlin set down his mug, looking determined. “Couch. Blanket. And the Doctor.”

“Sorry?”

Merlin was already up from the table and headed out of the kitchen. “Who or Strange; what’s yer pick?” he asked, like they’d been in this position before. Eggsy figured they probably had, back when they shared a life, a family, a home.

“Erm. Strange?” Though curious what new incarnations of the Doctor he’d missed, Doctor Strange sounded downright intriguing. 

They settled on the sofa in positions Eggsy’s muscles knew well. Eggsy tucked under Merlin’s arm and let the security of the embrace surround him.

The TV droned on in front of his unfocused eyes. Eggsy concentrated more on taking calm, even breaths than he did on the film. 

His eyelids grew heavy. With a yawn, Eggsy rested his head over Merlin’s heart and blinked at the time. 

The LED on the audio system glowed green: 11:37. 

Merlin’s chest rose and fell. 

11:45.

Merlin’s fingers drew lazy patterns over Eggsy’s scalp.

11:52.

Merlin looked down, brushing hair away from Eggsy’s face. A faint smile softened his features. It was the last thing Eggsy saw before he surrendered to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! You are amazing! Your feedback has been lovely and encouraging - I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
> 
> You'll see there is another chapter after this one. In my first draft there were 11 chapters, but it turned into 12 this week.
> 
>  
> 
> **Also, another warning for Explicit Sexual Content in this chapter. Denoted similarly to Chapter 8 by a triple __*--*__ break at the beginning and end.**
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Eggsy woke the next day, not in the Kingsman barracks but his own bed in his London home. The date on his mobile read April 16, 2018; the day was one he hadn’t seen in lifetimes. It felt like more of a fresh start than any time waking in the past.

Butterflies took frantic flight in his chest as Eggsy opened his contacts list to text Merlin. Unsure what to write, he settled on a simple, “Good morning,” and let the message whoosh into the ether. 

He laid himself back while he awaited response. Staring at the textured ceiling and letting the minutes drag into what felt like hours, Eggsy relived every moment of the previous day. His mind drifted, particularly, to the brief images he received while discussing Daisy at Kingsman, the distillery’s destruction, and Merlin’s proposal.

The news of the distillery had swallowed Eggsy’s heart, but it was nothing compared to the empty shame he felt when Merlin revealed Eggsy told him ‘No.’ 

Against his desire to bury himself in the covers and hide until Merlin texted him back, Eggsy got up, showered, and dressed. He let JB out, refreshed his water and food, and started a pot of coffee. The routine was all rather peaceful, though something felt missing.

Eggsy noticed the smaller mug set beside his in the cabinet, a jar of strawberry jam covered in tiny sticky fingerprints on the refrigerator door. He found himself pulling out a bag of cinnamon raisin bread, despite his distaste for it, and knew Daisy’s absence was what felt so wrong.

Eggsy set the bread back and poured himself a steaming cup of caffeine. He’d wait another hour or so, then call for his sister to come home.

He was just welcoming JB inside with pets to the pug’s wrinkled head when a shrill ring sounded. Eggsy answered his phone before looking at the caller ID.

“Hullo?”

Heavy breaths came over the line, along with the sounds of blows against a punching bag. 

“Cole?”

“Harry’s in a fit,” Percival said while panting. “Can’t get ahold of Hammie.”

“Well, he’s not here,” Eggsy noted the bitter tone of his own voice, though he had noone to blame for Merlin’s absence but himself.

“Sorry, no, of course not. I only thought… Saw you leave together last night.”

“Fuck. Yeah.” Eggsy threw his head back and listened to the pat-pat-pat as Percival threw out a series of jabs. “Oh, God, Cole. What did I do?”

There was a heavy whump as Percival’s fist sank deep into the bag, the thick chain rattled hard over the speaker. After a grunt and a pause to hydrate, Percival said, “What you felt you had to; that’s what you always say, anyway.”

Eggsy blinked and found himself staring at a second mug of coffee sitting beside his on the counter. He didn’t remember pouring it; there was more milk than he preferred. If he drank both quickly and stashed them in the dishwater, maybe he wouldn’t have to admit who he wished was joining him at breakfast. 

Eggsy had to change the subject, center himself, before it was time to pick up Daisy. “Where’s Harry now?”

“Fucked out, asleep. Left him home while I blew off some steam at the Estate.” Percival’s voice rounded out, no longer swallowed by the mats and equipment in the gym. He was on the move.

“Bad luck to see the groom before the wedding, mate.” 

“That’s what blindfolds and ball gags are for, dear friend.”

“Then how did you know what was bothering him?”

“Texts mostly.” A locker closed; footsteps echoed. “And Harry wasn’t the one gagged.”

Eggsy grimaced. The anonymous coffee was sweeter than Eggsy liked as well. “Too much information, bruv.”

“Since when?”

Eggsy laughed. “I don’t know,” he answered honestly. He quieted at a familiar knock pattern on his front door. “Got to go.”

“All right. I’ll pick you up in an hour.”

“Yeah?”

“Big day.” The shower sounded like a waterfall over the phone. 

Eggsy held back his phone from his ear and read the alert under the time. _Wedding._ “No shit. See ya soon.” 

Eggsy took to the entryway in quick strides and returned the phone to his pocket. 

Upon opening the door, he was nearly knocked over by his sister’s sprint inside. She shouted her need for the loo as she disappeared around the corner.

Merlin stood on the step with arms full.

“Here, let me help you.” Eggsy took the garment bag and hung it on the posts by the door. Once that was out of the way, he saw the plastic carrier in Merlin’s hand. It tipped back and forth as the cat inside purred. 

“Had to check in on Mags. Picked up a bite of breaky and Daisy on my way…”

Merlin trailed off and Eggsy imagined the word 'home’ hung on his tongue.

“Thought the boys would keep each other company while we’re gone,” Merlin said. He licked his lips the way he did when he was uncertain.

Eggsy stood to the side. “Come in.”

 

Breakfast was nice. Eggsy only tripped himself up once, calling Merlin ‘babe’ while he asked him to pass the butter. 

Merlin didn’t correct him or bristle at the term of affection, and Daisy’s dimples pulled deep as she smiled behind her scone. Encouraged, but careful not to push his luck, Eggsy didn’t apologize for the slip.

After they ate, Eggsy tidied the kitchen.

“Time to dress,” Merlin reminded Daisy as she cleared her plate to the sink. “I’ll bring ye to the vineyard with me while Cole and Eggsy get ready. We will meet them there for pictures before long.”

Daisy looked up at her brother, smoothing her hands over the milkmaid braids in her hair. “Sam did me up for the flowers crown, Eggsy. Did ya see?”

“I did, sweetheart. You look beautiful. You always look beautiful.”

She preened a bit, then dashed off. It was a few minutes before the shower started.

~*~*~

Cole arrived as Eggsy struggled to get his sister into her prosthesis.

Upon hearing the bell, Eggsy called out from Daisy’s bedroom. “‘Mish, will you get that?” He kneeled at the foot of the bed, begging for a little cooperation from his sister. “C’mon, Daisy, please.” 

Eggsy pushed her flouncy dress out of the way for the dozenth time and reached for her knee. 

She jerked it away with a yelp, then kicked him with the other leg. “I like the aluminum. We always wear the metal.”

“Who is we?” Eggsy grumbled under his breath. His first day back, first real conversation with his sister, and it was an argument. Eggsy sat back on his heels; he truly didn’t want to fight.

The silicone prosthesis lay on the ground looking very much like a severed limb. Too lifelike, perhaps -- but when worn at the wedding none of the guests would know the little girl running and dancing had lost her foot. No one would glance away in discomfort as she passed or look upon her with pity.

Eggsy turned at the creak of the floorboards behind him.

“Your petals are lovely today, Flower,” Merlin said gently as he stepped into the room. 

Daisy’s expression softened. “Thank you, Uncle Hammie.” 

“And how are your stems feeling?” 

“Hurts.” She rubbed at her residual limb and her nose scrunched. “But not too bad.” 

Merlin placed a hand at Eggsy’s neck and took his place on floor when it was offered. 

“How about we try the silicone for a massage. Take away some of that tingly, itchy ache. Then, if ye like, the lighter leg for the rest of the day.”

Daisy chest heaved with her sigh before giving a nod. “Did you bring your gloves?”

“I did,” Merlin answered, handing her a sock. “Think we can prank the catering if Mr. Harry’s party gets boring.”

Merlin let Daisy don her foot with guidance, only lending a hand when his assistance was requested. 

Eggsy looked on from the hallway, just out of sight. “He's great with her, isn't he?” 

“The best,” Percival agreed, matching Eggsy’s whisper. He tugged Eggsy by the cuff and led him out.

Once buckled into the car, Eggsy leaned back, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How could I have let him go? How could I have pushed him away?”

“There is a lot to it, I imagine,” Percival started as the engine turned. “The long and short? You felt it best for everyone.” 

Eggsy watched Percival’s mouth turn down in sincerity.

“There was one mission in particular, where you felt Merlin's concern for you pulled his focus away from the rest of us. I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back.”

Percival spared a glance away from the twisting road to meet Eggsy’s eye. “I don't know if your intention was to keep the two of you apart forever. It didn't seem that way from my viewpoint, at least not in the beginning. But time went on, as it's prone to do…”

They pulled up to the winery and parked behind the main building. Percival’s hands shook as he took the keys from the ignition. 

“Sorry to bother you with my drama on your wedding.”

“Was a welcome distraction, really.” Percival stared blankly ahead. “I didn’t think this day would come.”

Eggsy looked out at the field of green and the pergolas adorned in white. _16 April_ , he thought. “Me neither, bruv.”

~*~*~

There were pictures and champagne before the ceremony -- and a promise for more of the same after the grooms said their ‘I Dos’.

Roxy, Sam, Daisy, Merlin, and Eggsy stood in the grass, having a few photographs taken while the Harry and Percival got ready in separate locations. 

They looked handsome in their coordinated finery, but Eggsy felt stiff. The only reason Merlin stood close, it seemed, was due to the suggestions thrown out to their group by the photographer. 

“Now the Best Men with the Flower Girl,” he called out from behind the lens.

Sam tucked a fallen strand of hair into Daisy’s braids and smudged some lipstick from Roxy’s lips to Daisy’s with their thumb. “Our secret,” Sammy said in a stage whisper before stepping out of the way.

“Closer, now.” The photographer insisted.

Merlin draped an arm over Eggsy’s shoulders and Eggsy put on a careful grin.

“Heel, I say!” A baritone’s shout alerted them to the arrival of Groom #1. Harry stormed down the stone walkway toward the open field, looking dignified despite his panicked grumbling as he followed JB’s sprint.

In actuality, JB’s run was hardly quick at all and Eggsy wondered if he’d suffered some kind of injury or illness in the years past. He made a mental note to check his veterinary records. 

“Blasted animal,” Harry said as JB stopped at Daisy’s feet.

“So much for the therapy dog idea,” Merlin said under his breath.

The photographer was pleased by the interruption. “Well, since you’re here, Mr Hart. Let’s move on, shall we?”

Merlin and Eggsy took positions around Harry and Daisy. 

Eggsy gritted his teeth as he took note of Daisy's crown. “You put dead bugs in my girl’s hair,” he accused the groom. 

Harry gave an indignant gasp, for which he was promptly reprimanded. 

“Happy faces; happy day,” the photographer called out.

“They’re silk and wire, I’ll have you know.” Harry straightened his jacket and Eggsy knew he was lying.

“Mhm.”

“I think they’re lovely,” Daisy interjected. “Dead or silk.”

Merlin dropped his forehead to Eggsy’s shoulder and hid his smile. It reminded Eggsy of the night before; it felt real.

~*~*~

Eggsy stood at Percival’s side, listening to Sam officiate the wedding. Their pregnant belly nearly high enough to prop the small book from which they read.

Eggsy tipped his head around the grooms for a quick look across the aisle to Merlin. Seeing Merlin’s soft expression and red-rimmed eyes, Eggsy’s chest felt too small for his heart. 

Eggsy reached behind him to hold his sister’s small hand. She felt steady. And how funny it was, a tiny person could keep him standing under the weight of his inadequacies. 

With a whisper, Merlin passed Harry a ring; Eggsy dropped a dry kiss on Percival’s cheek as he placed the other ring in his palm. His dear friends exchanged their vows of fidelity and love. Eggsy wished he could focus, but he only heard the words through a fog. 

Daisy’s presence was enough, but he yearned for more. Even just across the aisle, Merlin felt far away. It pained Eggsy that a moment of great joy could remind him of standing on the tarmac, watching Percival's casket pass between them. He closed his eyes against the image and touched Percival at the elbow. He had to be sure the man was real, that the day wasn’t a dream.

Percival smiled over his shoulder and turned back to Harry. He took his husband’s face in his hands for their kiss. Their friends in the field clapped and cheered; Eggsy wiped his eyes with the cuff of his sleeve.

The grooms walked down to the applause of the intimate crowd and Daisy followed to a smattering of waves and whistles of her own. Eggsy stood, stunned. It seemed a great deal of the agents had a special call or nickname for his girl. 

Merlin’s hand alighted the small of Eggsy’s back as they met at the top of the aisle. They shared a look and a breath before taking the walk Eggsy knew they should have taken long ago.

~*~*~

There were more photos after the ceremony, but standing close to Merlin felt less awkward by the minute. Eggsy guessed it was a combination of things and hoped not mostly driven by the free-flowing champagne.

By the time the wedding party joined their guests at the reception hall, Daisy was tugging at Roxy’s hand for the dance floor. 

“We promised Cole and Harry could have the first dance, remember?”

Daisy pushed out her bottom lip and looked up at the adults in the group. “But there’s music playing and they’re not even in yet.”

Sammy and Roxy each took one of Daisy’s hands and walked her across the room. 

“Then we’ll have enough time to find the best seats,” Sammy said with a conspiratorial glance at the tables as if scoping out vantage points.

Daisy led, a step ahead of them, as she made her way to the table at the end of the room. 

“Finally, Kingsman at a round table.” Eggsy smiled at Merlin, using the music as an excuse to lean in. 

Merlin nodded to their agents and friends before taking his seat among them. Eggsy was happy to sit beside him, with a view of the entire floor and exits -- just in case.

When Cole and Harry were announced and entered the room, they took to the dancefloor with an air of elegance. Eggsy pressed his hands against his thighs to keep himself from reaching for Merlin’s hand. But then he remembered the night before and wondered if all this censorship was really necessary. 

 

“Uncle Hammie," Daisy said in a small voice, pushing away her half-eaten soup. "May I dance with you?” 

Merlin's foot moved beneath the table, brushing against Eggsy's chair leg as it tapped its beat. He was uncharacteristically quiet and Daisy didn't push him for an answer.

It took Eggsy a moment to realize that they were waiting on permission from him. It made him hate himself, just a little bit. Because, no matter what happened in this life, he was saddened to find that his own sister and partner felt they couldn't be themselves without gauging his reaction first.

Eggsy met Merlin's eyes then gave a nod to each of them. 

He watched Daisy take Hamish’s hand. She led him to the dance floor with a bright smile on her face; the butterflies in her hair twinkled in the lights.

Eggsy looked on as Merlin turn Daisy on the dancefloor. He was mesmerized by the easy way they moved together, enchanted by their smiles and their laughter. As he watched, the warmth of a body came to rest against his back and a bony chin hooked over his shoulder.

Harry’s voice was at his ear. “Why would you mess that up, my boy?”

“Had to keep us alive. Had to try.” Eggsy sighed. “Worked, didn’t it?” He remembered his mother and the injuries he couldn’t prevent. He felt the controls of the plane in his hands and saw a pile of rubble behind his eyes. 

“You’re pulse is racing,” Harry said, matter of fact. “You should ask him to dance.”

Eggsy stared, catching Merlin’s gaze and seeing that half-smile the man reserved for him alone. “I should marry him.”

Harry bounced with a low laugh. “You should. But perhaps, first, a dance.”

Eggsy stepped out of Harry's snare and onto the dancefloor. Tapping Daisy on the shoulder, he asked, “Mind if I cut in?”

Daisy looked from her brother to Merlin and nodded her head. “Yep,” she said and held onto Merlin’s neck.

Merlin gave Eggsy an apologetic twitch of the mouth and slowly set her down. 

“Me and you danced four already, bruv.” She clutched Merlin’s hand and leaned into his leg.

Eggsy realized, by the way she clung to Merlin, how much his girl must miss him. “How about another with Hamish, yeah? Then maybe you and Roxy can put in a request with the musicians. And, if it’s all right with Hamish, he and I could have a dance.” 

Eggsy’s stomach flipped as he waited for Merlin to react.

Daisy chewed at her lip as she considered the offer. Instead of voicing a response, Daisy lifted her eyes to Merlin. The man was looking down at her with kindness, with love.

“Peanut likes Despacito,” she said to him.

Eggsy followed Merlin’s gaze and found Sammy in the crowd. Though he had only a vague notion of what Daisy meant, he nodded along with the man at his side. 

Daisy stepped toward Eggsy and reached for his hand. She brought it to Merlin’s until they were touching and waited for them to get the message.

Eggsy smiled down at his sister and then up at Merlin. He took a breath and swallowed in a dry throat. “Dance with me, Hamish?”

Merlin closed the space between them and brought his other hand to Eggsy’s waist. “Ye sure you want to do this? Here, in front of everyone?” 

The voice at his ear made Eggsy’s knees weak. He held Merlin for balance. The man had always been his center of gravity, even when he hadn’t realized it. 

Eggsy nodded, felt his cheek brush Merlin’s jaw as he did. “I wasn’t sure you were ready. Couldn’t hope you’ve been waiting around for me.”

Hamish leaned back just enough so they could see each other’s faces. Eggsy’s heart jumped, not knowing whether to rise or fall, when he pulled away.

“There was nae a choice for me.” Hamish brushed his knuckles down Eggsy’s cheek. It was a familiar touch; Eggsy let his eyes flutter closed for a moment. “I’ll always be yours.”

Turning his face into Merlin’s hand, Eggsy kissed his palm. The warmth of Merlin’s flesh and cool metal on his lips had his heart aching for more. He held Merlin’s hand to his face a moment and kissed his wrist before letting it go.

“Eggsy?”

“Hmm?” Eggsy lifted his head from Merlin’s shoulder and wondered when he had become brazen enough to nuzzle into his neck. 

“Would ye like to have dinner with me?” 

An uptempo song played on in the background, but Eggsy kept his dance with Merlin slow and close. 

“I know a place serves tepid catering that’ll likely take our plates away if we don’t sit soon.”

Eggsy chuckled to himself, took Merlin’s face in his hands and kissed him. He smiled against Merlin’s lips as, after an almost imperceptible hesitation, Merlin kissed back.

“I love you,” Eggsy whispered during a pause. The confession earned him another taste of Merlin’s lips and four words that filled him with the confidence that he’d finally done something right.

~*~*~

Sammy slid into the vacant chair beside Eggsy with a grunt of exhaustion. “So are we taking Daisy tonight, mate?”

“No, she can come home with us. Though you guys have been great.”

“Us, yeah?” Sammy gave him a sideways glance. “It’s no problem if you change your mind. Her bed is staying up in the nursery.”

Eggsy tried not to look surprised. 

“She’s volunteered to help me with the baby after school and on weekends. Little bunny’s been changing nappies on dolls to practice. Costing us a fortune on wipes and cream, but she’s worth it.” 

Sammy nicked a fairy cake from Gawain’s abandoned dish and frowned. “I know it’s best, you taking up the job with R&D she’ll benefit from having you around; Kingsman will benefit from your tech, of course... But, it’s been quiet at the house without her. This weekend was fun.”

“Won’t be quiet before long,” Eggsy joked to mask his confusion. “Life with Peanut will be plenty exciting. And I’ll be sure Dais keeps her promises to you to help.”

They watched Daisy twirl with Roxy before running through the newlyweds and into Merlin’s legs. He wore an open smile, eyes brighter than Eggsy had ever seen, and held her as if she were the most precious gift on earth. 

“Beautiful together, aren’t they?” 

Eggsy figured it was Sammy’s way of letting him know they and Roxy supported the rekindling of his and Merlin’s relationship. 

“Remember how they were in the beginning?” they asked as Merlin carried her toward the table. “How small she was in his arms?” 

Eggsy screwed up his mouth to still its twitch and found that he couldn’t bullshit his way through an answer. The only reference he had were the pictures, but memories he had none.

When Merlin stopped in front of them, Daisy crawled into Eggsy’s arms. “Can we go home now?”

Sammy leaned over Eggsy to give the girl’s hair a kiss. “There’s no bobby pins, though I did use near full can of spray. She can sleep in the braids. Call in the morning if her hair’s too tangled to manage.” They gave another kiss. “Night, bunny. Sweet dreams.”

After shaking Sammy’s hand as they passed, Merlin took his jacket from behind the chair and shrugged into it. “She and I have already said our farewells to Harry and Cole.”

“Guess I should do the same.” Eggsy stood and Daisy’s legs wrapped around his waist. Merlin wordlessly adjusted her leg so the heel of her prosthesis wasn’t digging into Eggsy’s side.

~*~*~

Merlin climbed into the company car first, and Eggsy transferred Daisy to his lap as if they’d practiced the move to perfection. The sleeping girl didn’t stir but to snuggle deeper into Merlin’s embrace.

Eggsy sat beside them and closed the door. “Take us to mine, please.” 

After confirming the address with the driver, he slid down in the seat and looked up at the roof. He yawned into his fist and lolled his head toward Merlin. “When we get her to bed, I’m taking that spot in your arms, yeah?”

Merlin made a noncommittal sound low in his chest. His hand dropped to the thin space between them. 

Eggsy laced their fingers together and brought the hand to his lap. “You want these off?” he asked with a caress.

Merlin turned up his wrist to reveal the clasp and Eggsy took it as permission. 

What was left of Merlin’s fingers had healed well and his palms were fully intact; it wasn’t as Eggsy had suspected. But to say it was a relief to see all Merlin lost were his fingers would be a lie. 

There were clean, deliberate cuts under the first knuckles. Eggsy tried not to stare. 

He dragged his fingers over the lines of Merlin's palm as if reading the future. Instead, he received a hazy image of the past.  
Eggsy saw words on a page. _They have him._ His gut twisted and he felt himself slip into Kingsman training in order to ease his nausea. 

Though the image didn't provide details of the abduction, Eggsy knew the injuries Merlin bore were related to it. 

Eggsy lifted the hand for a kiss. At the first touch of his lips to Merlin's skin, Merlin took a sharp breath. Eggsy followed up with a kiss to each of his fingers before returning the hand to his lap and starting a massage.

By the time they reached Eggsy’s London home, Merlin had fallen asleep. Eggsy tipped the driver and gathered Merlin’s prostheses, then tried to wake the man as gently as he could. 

Standing at the curb, Eggsy leaned into the car. “Babe, we’re here.” He reached for his sister. 

As he took Daisy’s arm to unwrap it from Merlin’s neck, the still sleeping form lashed out.

Eggsy caught Merlin’s elbow mid-strike, before it could hit his jaw. Merlin’s body twisted away from the open door with a jolt, abandoning use of his arm to shield Daisy. Eggsy let go before Merlin hurt himself.

“Hamish,” Eggsy said softly, realizing the man hadn’t woken up. “Hamish,” he said again, louder. He didn’t think Merlin would hurt Daisy in his sleep; everything in him knew Merlin wouldn’t. Still, Eggsy didn’t want to startle him again.

“Babe, please wake up.” Eggsy continued to speak from the sidewalk. “Come on, Mish. Come inside.” 

When Merlin’s eyes opened, they didn’t look as though they’d remain that way long. 

“Let’s put her to bed.” Eggsy raised his arms toward his sister again and this time Merlin gave her up without a fight.

They shuffled to the door and into the house with little more than a few quiet words between them.

“I’ll take out JB while ye get her settled.” Merlin rubbed at his eyes.

Shifting Daisy’s weight on his hip, Eggsy held out Merlin’s hardware. “Or I can put them on the table,” he offered.

JB hopped impatiently at their feet and Merlin gave a groggy nod. They walked together as far as the kitchen and split off -- Merlin to the door for the yard and Eggsy to Daisy’s room.

As Eggsy helped his sister wash up, doff her leg and change from party clothes to pjs, Daisy grumbled. “You have to read our book.”

“Mhmm.” Eggsy drew the sound out and laid her on the bed, humming a melody he was sure would put her to sleep.

The little girl’s mouth stretched wide with a yawn as she relaxed into her pillow. “Under the mattress, remember? You said we’d be so busy. You said you might forget.” She was trying so hard to stay awake, to get those last few words out, that Eggsy gave into his curiosity.

With caution, for who knows what surprises hide under a seven-year-old’s bed, Eggsy stuck his hand under the mattress to check. Sure enough, he brought up a thin, hardcover copy of _Green Eggs and Ham_ by Dr. Seuss.

Eggsy eased himself onto her bed and opened the cover to read. His amused smile faltered when he saw what she had drawn on the first page: 3 smiling stick figures. By the hair drawn -- and not -- Eggsy knew it was their family and wondered how much Daisy remembered of their mother. 

Eggsy read quietly as Daisy’s breathing evened out. He finished the story, then rose from the bed. With a kiss to her cheeks, he wished her a good night’s sleep. 

When Eggsy straightened, he saw Merlin in the hallway. “Did you want to…”

One hand still on the doorframe, Merlin took a small step into the room. In the other hand he held Daisy’s small mug. “Would that be all right?”

Eggsy moved aside to give Merlin room, then went to the hall offering a bit of privacy as well. Of course, he couldn't help himself from looking in.

Merlin kneeled at Daisy's side, put the drink on her table, and tucked the blankets high upon her shoulders. “Goodnight, sweet Flower.” He kissed his fingers and pressed them to her forehead with a light touch.

Merlin flipped the lamp switch as he passed and closed the bedroom door behind him. 

The hall was dark; the only light was what filtered around the corner from the kitchen. Eggsy and Merlin stood close.

“I didn’t think ye’d still be reading that to her.”

Eggsy lifted his hand to Merlin’s neck in a request for him to come even closer. “I love you.” He felt Merlin’s eyes searching him, even though Merlin’s face was hidden in shadow. 

The meeting of their lips was natural and smooth. Merlin’s hands moved through Eggsy’s hair as he delved into the moment. 

As the kiss intensified, Eggsy stumbled backward. His breath came in gasps and heat coiled in his belly. Eggsy was surprised to find that he liked the way Merlin had him up against the wall. He had an urge to throw his arms about Merlin’s neck and wrap his legs around the man’s waist but gave himself over to the kiss instead. It made his head swim.

Eggsy needed something to hold onto so he didn’t float away. He grabbed at Merlin’s hips and felt him gasp. There was a moment when Eggsy wasn’t sure what was about to happen. The day had been full of them, for certain. But this one felt important as any other. 

“I won’t fall into bed with you,” Merlin’s voice was deep with barely tamed desire.

“No, of course not.” The mouth suddenly pressed against Eggsy’s neck had him arching into Merlin’s body. He’d never pressure Merlin into anything, but the man had to know the mixed signals he was giving.

Merlin sucked at Eggsy’s pulse and spoke against his skin. “Not after everything. We can't pick up where we left off.”

Eggsy shook his head in agreement. Other than a failed proposal, Eggsy didn’t really know where they had left off anyway. “Wouldn't really be starting over though,” he said as Merlin kissed and sucked a hot trail under his chin.

“No,” Merlin whispered when he came around to Eggsy’s ear. “Not starting over.”

Their eyes met and Eggsy released a shuddering breath. “Ok.” 

Merlin held his gaze, and though his mouth had paused its exploration of skin, it sent a shiver through Eggsy to see Merlin’s lips form the letters, “Ok.”

__*--*__  
__*--*__  
__*--*__

The kisses started up again, less frantic than before. 

They almost made it to the Master bedroom without tripping over each other’s feet. 

Eggsy tugged at his tie and tossed it toward the closet. He pecked at Merlin’s lips as he started on his shirt, but Merlin proved most impatient. 

Taking hold, Merlin tore at the fabric until the buttons popped. He left it to hang off Eggsy’s wrists. Merlin’s own buttons hid snaps, which were undone quicker than Eggsy’s cuffs. 

“Gorgeous, babe,” Eggsy said, touching Merlin’s bare chest. There were scars Eggsy didn’t recognize: burns over Merlin’s ribs and back, what looked like deep cuts from surgeries or worse across his abdomen. He walked into Merlin’s space and let his mouth go where it wanted. 

The kisses started at Merlin’s shoulder then traveled down the center of his chest. Eggsy dropped to his knees as he kissed Merlin’s stomach and unfastened the man’s belt. He wouldn’t take the trousers yet, not until Merlin made known it was what he wanted. But he made sure the back of Merlin’s knees were against the foot of the bed, before giving him a gentle push.

Taking the hint without delay, Merlin sat on the bed and pushed himself toward the headboard; half-dressed, Eggsy followed him on his hands and knees. Eggsy crawled up until he was straddling Merlin’s thigh and brought their lips together again.

“Eggsy.” Merlin dragged his fingers down Eggsy’s back and dipped them under the waistband of his trousers. 

“M--” Eggsy gasped. “Mish.” It didn’t feel right calling him Merlin. “Babe, we can stop. We can slow down.”

Merlin shook his head, licked his lips, and pulled Eggsy in by the hips. “Do ye want?”

With a shaky breath, Eggsy looked down at Merlin’s thumbs working the button of his trousers. “I want.”

Eggsy took his time stripping them of their last articles of clothing, perhaps taking more time than necessary dropping kisses along each of Merlin’s limbs as they were exposed. Though Merlin didn’t complain when Eggsy continued that tradition after removing his pants.

Eggsy kissed his way from Merlin’s navel to the base of Merlin’s dick. He held Merlin’s hips down, instinctively knowing that when he dipped lower to roll Merlin’s balls over his tongue, Merlin would react. The man beneath him moaned, bucking against his grip, and Eggsy licked him again. 

Merlin’s hands slid along the sheets as he keened. Desperate to give Merlin more, Eggsy parted his lips and took Merlin into his mouth. So as not to deny him the pleasure he so clearly enjoyed, Eggsy cupped Merlin beneath as he sucked. His gentle ministrations combined with the steady swirls of his tongue had Merlin mumbling words of thanks and praise.

Eggsy lost himself in the taste of Merlin’s skin until he heard a drawer open. He looked up in time to catch a bottle of lubricant that Merlin tossed. 

“Prep myself?” Eggsy asked, his own erection neglected and leaking on the bed beneath him. 

Merlin shook his head and bent his knees. 

Eggsy caressed Merlin’s thighs to his buttocks and chanced a touch along the cleft between his cheeks. Merlin threw his head back as his body clenched and slowly relaxed. 

“You sure?”

Merlin nodded and Eggsy touched him again. There was no flinching this time, just a moan of approval and the lazy rise and fall of Merlin’s hips.

Eggsy was generous with lube and preparation. He had nowhere else to be. There was no rush to the finish line. He drank pleasure from every sound Merlin made, the drops of precum glistening at the head of his cock as it jumped. Eggsy slid his fingers over Merlin’s prostate and let Merlin thrust into his mouth as he cried out.

“I’m ready for ye, Eggsy,” Merlin said, sounding hoarse. 

Eggsy aligned himself with Merlin, then looked up. After taking a deep breath and seeing love shine through the eyes that looked back at him, Eggsy knew he was ready too.

He sank into Merlin and bit down on his tongue to keep from shouting. The tight, wet heat around his cock and the sight of Merlin waiting for more… Eggsy had been wrong. Nothing could have prepared him for that. 

Merlin watched him with a questioning expression.

“Need a minute, guv.” Eggsy smiled so Merlin wouldn’t worry. “Ya feel so damn good.”

Merlin stroked Eggsy’s arm as it was the only part of him in reach. “Move,” he said, but it was more like permission than an order, “when you’re ready.”

Eggsy pulled back and filled Merlin again. With soft words of encouragement and the grind of his own hips, Merlin coaxed Eggsy to speed.

Eggsy lifted one of Merlin's knees to his shoulder and quickened his pace. It wasn't hard or fast by any standard measure, but carried urgency all the same. 

Merlin hissed at the stretch as Eggsy came forward for a kiss. 

Eggsy's mouth moved across Merlin's jaw, matching kiss for thrust, until it stopped at the soft skin of Merlin's neck. Merlin’s pulse throbbed beneath Eggsy's tongue as he laved and sucked at the spot.

“Don’t…” Merlin gasped and Eggsy stilled. “Don't stop, love,” Merlin begged, rolling his hips to take Eggsy deeper, baring his neck for him again. “Please.”

Eggsy was sucking a bruise as Merlin groaned beneath him and covered their stomachs in his spend. 

“Inside,” Merlin said, breathless as he grasped Eggsy's hips for purchase. “Want all of ye.”

Eggsy came looking into Merlin's eyes and making promises he'd made countless times before.

__*--*__  
__*--*__  
__*--*__

 

Clean and hydrated, the men curled into each other to sleep. As Eggsy was dozing off, he heard Merlin make an almost inaudible request.

“Stay.”

Eggsy pressed lips to Merlin's chest, over his heart. “This is my home,” he said, referring to more than the walls that gave them shelter.

Merlin stroked his hand through Eggsy’s hair and released a slow breath. “I don't just mean for the night.”

Eggsy’s heart broke at the tremble in Merlin's voice. “I'm not going anywhere.” He laid his hand over Merlin’s heart in a promise to keep him safe. “ _You_ are my home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest heart (Lena) and I each found a song that we think accompanies this story well. I encourage you to have a listen.  
> They are: "Finding You" by Kesha and "It Was Always You" by Maroon 5


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up where the last chapter ended. Eggsy wakes up the day after Harry and Percival’s wedding.  
> There is a fast-forward/jump denoted by **> >>>>** where we get a peek into what their life is like in the future.

Eggsy woke before sunrise with a stiff neck and shoulders. The stale taste of Harry’s bitter chocolate wedding cake felt fuzzy on his tongue, reminding him he hadn’t brushed his teeth the night before. Heavy breaths warmed his forehead as Merlin hugged him to his chest, and Eggsy reasoned his excuse for not brushing his teeth was a good one. 

Though his heart wanted to stay wrapped up in bed with Merlin forever, the protests of Eggsy’s body eventually won out. Merlin was in a deep sleep when Eggsy slipped out of his arms to use the loo. 

Eggsy rolled his eyes at himself as he went through what had to be his nightly routine. The sun would be up soon; he supposed he could add a shave, a shower, and call it morning. 

When he returned to the room for clothes, Eggsy’s gaze lingered on the lump beneath his sheets, the angles and curves of Merlin’s body he couldn’t wait to hold again. 

He chose an outfit quickly and quietly before he caught sight of something poking out from under the mattress. He cocked his head as his sister's words came back to him.

Merlin turned to his side while Eggsy dressed, making it easier to sneak up to the bed and have a closer look. Eggsy reached for what was now clearly the corner of a journal and sank to the floor to read.

 _Stop running._ was all it said on the first page. Eggsy flipped through the pages and found it was a common theme. _Don’t run._ was even used as a header throughout several of the longer passages.

His eyes skimmed the first pages of the book where words like hope, happy, and home were written in unhurried print. There was news of Merlin and Daisy, snippets about the goings on at Kingsman. Eggsy learned Dean had left Mum shortly after Valentine; the word hope was prominent in that passage.

In the summer months that followed, Daisy seemed to spend more and more time under Eggsy’s care.

**2 September 2013**  
_We need a permanent solution for our girl. Contingency plan._

Eggsy read about his mum’s struggles and the efforts to get her help. 

He found a set of coordinates he understood to be the flat that was now home to Roxy, Sammy, and their unborn child. The flat that had been Daisy’s home while Eggsy was on missions -- saving the world as he tried to save his family and himself. 

Eggsy realized Daisy was unofficially his long before Poppy and her sally-come-lately antidote. 

He itched to get his hand on mission files, to read everything he could about everyone. There had to be a computer in his office.

Above him, Merlin sighed in his sleep, smacking his lips and shifting his weight. 

Eggsy remained where he was, listening for signs that Merlin may be waking up. There was no guarantee for time this morning; research could wait. The notebook was enough, for now. 

Unsure how long he had before Merlin woke, Eggsy flipped further through the pages and stopped on something short.

 **21 February 2014**  
_We found him. Amateurs thought they’d take our wizard’s hands, but his magic has always been in his mind. There’s concern the physical damage done will marr his confidence at Control, but I have faith in his resilience as always._

The passage gave reference numbers to what Eggsy’s gut told him were blueprints for assistive technology to help Merlin continue his work. Eggsy turned a few pages and read on.

**2 June 2014**  
_Happy Birthday to me. Morning in bed. Day with our girl. Couldn’t have asked for more. Can’t believe how many I’ve missed. Older than all of them by now, but younger still. Some days that makes me laugh; today was a laugh kind of day._

**31 December 2014**  
_It was easier when I slipped into the system without leaving a footprint. Another meeting with R &D and they’re unconvinced we can make the improvements I’ve seen us pull off. I’m exhausted. My girl is fearless in the face of everything. I couldn’t be more proud._

Eggsy let more pages pass through his fingers. Near the middle of the journal, he stopped.

**18 December 2015**  
_We miss him._

**28 January 2016**  
_We miss him and everything hurts. But missions are running smoother. He hasn’t fumbled an assignment in months. He hasn’t been in my ear in months. Even when we’re in the same room, he feels far away._

_Richard’s widow has been “well compensated.”_

 

**4 February 2016**  
_The bed is cold. I wonder if he thinks of me._

**14 February 2016**  
_They say he’s seeing a man outside the service. I wasn’t supposed to hear. I forgot how to breathe._

Eggsy glanced up at the bed where Merlin lay sleeping then back to the book. There had to be more, some explanation for what had happened to Bedeviere, a note about Merlin’s proposal or their split. He turned back a couple years in the hope for answers.

**20 October 2014**  
_Spent the night in the burn unit with them. Never felt such anger and have only nameless ghosts to place it on. He saved her, he did. Our girl. They say we’ll likely never catch the ones who did it. I should have been there._

**11 November 2014**  
_He spends more time watching surveillance of our girl than he does any one agent. I called him out on it. I was too worked up to go to bed last night. Kept myself productive at the office. I think I found a silicone glove we could mod for both him and our girl, if they weren’t so stubborn._

**18 July 2015**  
_Our girl fell at the playground. Emergency came and it was enough to distract him so Richard missed his window. I’d go in for the extraction, but she needs me here._

_Our doctors say she was lucky. She calls the aluminum prosthesis her lucky rabbit foot. The medical staff’s taken to calling her ‘Bunny.’_

_She could have lost her leg if she hadn’t already, but I don’t see the luck in any of it._

 

**26 July 2015**  
_The table is down two agents. Richard fallen, his partner stepped down thereafter. It's my fault much as anyone's._

The absence of Bedeviere and Tristan had hardly registered at the wedding. Eggsy had gotten used to it, perhaps. He apologized to Bedeviere’s spirit before reading more.

**4 August 2015**  
_I’m tired. They see it and they don’t understand. I’m so tired. Don’t run._

**30 August 2015**  
_He asked and I couldn’t say yes. I almost asked him to retire with me. To leave all this behind. But it’s his life and all we know. I couldn’t say yes. Someday._

The next page was covered in Eggsy’s scrawl. _Don’t run_ surrounded by question marks. There was no date, but he could feel the panic and sadness of that day.

**1 October 2015**  
_Ambrose Cider & Ale evacuated and demolished._

Eggsy found the day he decided to strip himself of the option.

**1 December 2015**  
_I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me. I’m afraid we’ll never be the same._

**12 December 2015**  
_The house has lost its scent of him and Daisy cries herself to sleep. She’s asked to spend the weekend with Rox and Sam again. I’m going to take the Tokyo assignment. I’m not going to run. I can’t._

There were less passages about Kingsman and more about the emptiness of life without Merlin. Eggsy learned Merlin only dated that one man and briefly; it brought him both relief and sadness to know he hadn’t been replaced in Merlin’s heart.

Eggsy read about his own desires to step away from field work and focus solely on the development of tech. He’d been studying up -- taking classes and working alongside the teams at HQ and Kingsman satellite locations. Apparently, he had a lot of spare time on his hands; Eggsy wondered when he ever slept.

Merlin stretched the full length of the bed and Eggsy knew his time was up. He closed the book, slid it to its place, and crawled back into bed.

“Where ‘ave ye been?” Merlin blinked at him slowly, his eyes preferring darkness over the sunlight shining in through the window.

“Right here,” Eggsy said. He tucked himself under Merlin’s arm. Kissing Merlin’s sleep-warm skin, Eggsy walked his fingers up Merlin’s ribs until his hand settled over his heart. “Right here, always.”

~*~*~

Eggsy hadn’t realized he’d fallen back to sleep. When he woke in an otherwise empty bed, he had to swallow his panic and regroup. He immediately reached for the corner of his bed and felt around for the diary. Breathing a sigh of relief as his hand brushed the binding, Eggsy laid back.

His phone informed him it was 17 April 2018, 9AM; Merlin was likely at work for the day. Eggsy sent off a ‘Good Morning’ text as if it were habit and his heart melted when he heard a ping followed by laughter down the hall.

Eager to join them, Eggsy pushed himself up and made his way to the main rooms. Voices led him to the kitchen where the scent of fresh bread and coffee sparked his appetite.

The corners of Eggsy's mouth lifted in a smile. He knew they’d have to start slow; they couldn’t pick up as they left off - wherever that had been. Eggsy hadn’t recovered those memories and he wasn’t sure he ever would. But they could move forward, together.

Eggsy found Merlin in the kitchen pulling a pan from the oven. There were blankets and a pillow still laid out on the living room couch. JB lay curled up in a bundle at one end, Magoo at the other. 

“You thought I would have you sleeping on the couch?” Eggsy spoke quietly as he filled his mug from the pot. His sip of coffee fueled the butterflies that had taken up residence in his stomach.

Merlin turned his eyes on him as he set bread to cool. “I dinnae know what to think.”

Eggsy understood that was fair. “And our girl?”

Merlin’s face lit up at the question. “In the back with JB.”

Eggsy pushed the curtain aside to take a peek at her through the window. Using hand crutches, Daisy chased JB as he waddled around the small yard of grass.

“She’s cramping from overexertion and the skin’s a bit irritated from sweat,” Merlin explained. “Gave her acetaminophen with breakfast. I hope that’s all right. She--”

Eggsy cut him off with a kiss. “You took care of our girl,” he said as their lips parted. “Thank you.” Quite of their own accord, Eggsy’s hands snuck under the hem of Merlin’s shirt and slid around his waist.

“This OK?” Eggsy asked, resting his head in the crook of Merlin’s neck. He smoothed his palms up Merlin’s sides and scratched his nails across Merlin’s shoulder blades. 

The touch had goosebumps rising on the skin beneath Eggsy’s hands.

Though Eggsy hadn’t seen evidence of their tattoo yet, his finger drew the knot he knew from memory over Merlin’s spine. 

In response, Merlin reached back and hugged Eggsy tightly against him.

** >>>>> **

“So ye found the hoard.” Merlin said finding Eggsy in the cellar. Dusty cases of cider lined the wall.

The coordinates had been written on one of the last pages of the notebook, included in a passage where Eggsy wasn’t sure if he should break the promise he’d made to himself. As he read the latitude and longitude, Eggsy had known they would lead him to a Kingsman safehouse Merlin had established shortly after the distillery’s destruction. 

Eggsy looked up from the small table stood in the center of the room, worrying his lip. “Ya must've bought out every store in London.” 

“And a few other places. Ye had said I could cut off your hands were ye to touch it.” Merlin brandished a knife and a playful grin. He didn’t understand the gravity of Eggsy’s request.

“Ambrose Ale & Cider,” Eggsy read, squinting at the familiar silhouette burned into the wood. He knew that jaw line, the slope of that nose. How could he have not seen the resemblance before?

Merlin turned the knife in his palm and sheathed it under his shirt. He touched a branded crate with reverence and shrugged.

“The recipes had been in my family for hundreds of years, they tell it. Though the brewery lasted only a few generations.” Merlin lifted an eyebrow at Eggsy. “It was never a popular brand. Reviews called it saccharine and unrefined. But, family would say: With all the bitterness in life, the world deserved a bit of sweet.”

Though the Kingsman medal was heavy in Eggsy's hand, he hadn't laid a finger on the alcohol. Another month would make it 5 years since Harry and Percival were married. When faced with the possibility of going back, Eggsy truly had no desire to leave. 

“Hamish, are you happy?”

“Quite so.” Merlin tilted his head to the side in question. “Do I not seem happy?”

Eggsy smiled. “Will you do something for me, babe? Make this into a piece of jewelry for Dais. Something nice: bracelet or necklace. Headband. Doesn't matter. I don't need it anymore.”

Merlin eyed the necklace laid between them. “You're leaving the Kingsman.”

“No. Though I'd like us to retire before we're killed. It's just the _thing_ I'm done with. It's brought me far enough.” He slid the pendant across the table. 

Eggsy stood and closed the small distance between them, cupped Merlin’s face in his hands, and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “I'm where I'm supposed to be.” 

Merlin kissed back. “Of course ye are.”

~*~*~ 

It took time to muster up the courage, but what was a few hours after all the years he’d lost?

That night, Kingsman Tailors appeared empty save for a small light in the back office. Eggsy let himself in and found the head shopkeeper balancing the books. 

“Ambrose Ale & Cider,” Eggsy said interrupting the man’s work. “Funny innit, how always slipped my mind to really look at the label. Any idea why that was, Mr. Rose?”

There was a glint in the tailor’s eyes as he invited Eggsy to sit. “You have certainly kept me busy, Mr. Unwin; took longer than I’d imagined. Though it was worth seeing where you landed.” 

Without the medallion on him, Eggsy fiddled with the seam of his jacket pocket instead. “Sorry I destroyed your brewery, sir.”

Rose smiled, suddenly looking older and more tired than before. “I am not.”

Eggsy refrained from asking the man's age or relation to Merlin; he’d seen enough of the impossible to know he didn't need to know. “So that’s it, then? We’re done?” 

“Aye, lad. I believe it so.” The tailor picked up his pen and made a show of getting back to his numbers. “Now, get ye home. Ye have family waiting.”

Eggsy hesitated at the door. “Thank you, Mr. Ambrose. I'll take good care of them.”

“Of that, I have nae a doubt.”

~*~*~

They sat at a restaurant far fancier than was their usual fare. It was an anniversary, of sorts. Eggsy had missed so many and neither of them knew which dates to count. April 15th seemed the best fit.

The waiter brought wine and took their dinner order, then disappeared into the recesses of the dimly lit dining room. Subdued conversations melded into a steady hum of white noise around their table. Merlin’s eyes picked up the soft light of the lamps and Eggsy felt himself falling in love all over again. He felt compelled to share the sentiment.

“You cleaned up well tonight, babe,” Eggsy said with a wink instead. It was true; he’d never looked more beautiful.

Merlin looked at him, his mouth drawn in that secret smile. “Just tonight, then?”

“Every day I wake up next to ya, you’re more handsome than the last.”

Color rose in Merlin’s cheeks, visible even as the candle cast shadows over his face.

Merlin raised his glass and took a sip before meeting Eggsy’s gaze again. “Our friends have said there was no moment they knew they had fallen for each other,” he started slow. “That it came in time, slowly. Snuck up on them from the shadows of shared danger, tragedy, and victory. That’s not how it was for me, not really.”

Eggsy took a sharp breath and shifted in his chair. The din of the restaurant faded as he focused, paying careful attention to each word Merlin spoke. 

“There was a moment for me with ye,” Merlin continued. “A moment ye truly stepped into my life, sat in my office, and I felt I’d known you forever. Which doesn’t make sense because I was twice your age, then. The comfort ye provided that day, when it felt we were up against insurmountable odds - it’s indescribable.” 

Merlin took a breath and wet his lips. “We’ve had our share of trials, and there were years I thought we’d never get back to this point, that we’d lost what was between us and wouldn’t find our way back to each other.” 

Merlin slipped his hands from the table and Eggsy’s heart did somersaults into his throat.

“Marry me, Hamish,” he managed to say past the obstruction.

Merlin furrowed his brow. “I have more to say.”

“And a lifetime, at least, to say it.” Eggsy produced a gold band from his pocket and presented it between his thumb and forefinger.

Merlin turned the ring in his hand, reading the inscription. “Yours.”

“Because you are: mine. You always have been and I’m sorry I ever let you go. I’m sorry for all the times I failed to hold onto you.” Eggsy had to pause at that, give himself a moment to regroup. “But it brought us here, today, and for that I can’t help but be grateful.” 

Merlin sat in silence; it wasn’t the response Eggsy expected, but he couldn’t imagine this night would go wrong. With a nervous huff of laughter, Eggsy smiled. “Say you’ll marry me, Mish.”

Merlin looked from his hands to Eggsy. “I didn’t get a ring for ye.”

It was Eggsy’s turn to be taken aback. “Oh.” He shook his head, “I mean, that’s fine.” But he was confused. “That’s… I thought you were--” 

“I was--” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Eggsy insisted, dismissing their miscommunication. “I was going to propose over pudding anyway.”

“I _am_ askin’ ye,” Merlin assured him. “It’s been a decade since ye walked into my office and refused to leave until I remembered I trust ye.” 

Merlin held Eggsy’s hand over the table. “I just dinnae think rings would be…” Merlin looked down at his hands, the joints and plates of steel that gave form and movement to his fingers.

Eggsy sat forward, ready explain the intricacies of the ring. He and R&D had been working on it for nearly a decade. Of course, his team only learned the true purpose for in the ring last year. 

Before he could get into it, Merlin passed a slip of paper between them.

“What’s this?” Eggsy unfolded the sheet.

“You’ve been drawing that out as long as I can remember -- in the sand, over my skin. Found a sketch on your desk and I thought we could use this instead. I’d like your mark on me, Eggsy. A permanent thing.”

Eggsy laid his hand over the design and found he had no words but to say, “I love you.”

“And I, you, Eggsy.” Merlin stood to lean across the table, capturing Eggsy’s lips in a gentle kiss. “Ye have always had my heart, love.” Merlin said as they parted. “Ye always will.”

~*~*~

When Daisy had invited them to the aquarium, Eggsy was happy to see what their girl had been up to the past nine months. Her school’s requirement for volunteer hours popped up rather unexpectedly, but Daisy had known right away where she wanted to place her energy. Eggsy and Merlin watched her balance classwork and track-and-field with her time at the aquarium. It drove their 12 year old to stay up past her bedtime a few nights a week, but she rarely complained or showed signs of slowing down.

Even now, after they’d spent hours tramping from one exhibit to the next, she was brimming with the joy of life. 

Eggsy enjoyed the easy pace of their walk, taking in the sights of the aquarium. He’d grown accustomed to the parking lot, mostly. With Merlin’s schedule, drop offs and pick ups for Daisy’s volunteer hours fell to Eggsy. While Eggsy loved the extra time with his girl, he couldn’t help but feel put out by her insistence that he never follow her inside. 

“That’s lovely darling,” Harry said as Daisy regaled them with information about invertebrates of the ocean floor. “I believe you promised there’d be butterflies?”

Daisy’s eyes opened wide in feigned innocence. “Surely I meant butterfly _fish_ Mr. Harry.” She turned her baby blues to Percival . “Isn’t that right? Had I said butterfly fish?”

Cole held her in his level stare and slowly shook his head.

Daisy grinned, well pleased. “Anyway, I’m sure you’ll like the next,” she said, eyeing Harry in the day suit he considered casual wear. “They’re sharp dressed lot. Ye may need ask the name of their tailor.”

Harry leaned into Percival as they walked past tanks of seaweed and coral. “God save us from cheeky Unwins.”

Giggling, Daisy took to Merlin’s back with two quick strides and a hop.

“Where to, love?” Merlin asked, hitching her higher.

“Penguins are just down the path and around the corner. I cannae wait to show ye what we’ve done with the new habitat.”

Under the supervision of the marine biologists, Daisy was able to work specifically with the development of the penguin exhibit and from the looks of it, she couldn’t be more proud.

When they reached the penguin house, Daisy unhooked her legs from Merlin’s waist and made for the employee only door. “See ye on the other side!”

The men waved until the door swung shut behind her.

“She sure knows how to lay that accent on thick,” Harry said with a smile. 

Eggsy nodded in agreement. “When she wants something.”

“Aye.” Merlin looked around the empty observatory and glass enclosure of rock, ice, and water. “Half expect a request we bring one of her creatures home.”

Eggsy turned to him, his voice grave. “Promise me now, that’s not happening.”

Merlin opened his mouth to answer, but before he could the room filled with the honking chatter of aquatic birds. They turned to see a line of penguins waddling and tripping over each other as they rushed onto the rocks. 

 

Eggsy watched Merlin’s expression go soft and he pinched his side. “Promise me, Hamish.”

“Oh, Eggsy,” he cooed. “Look at the wee one by our girl.”

Harry and Percival were no help either as they were fawning over Daisy’s companion just the same.

Eggsy dragged a hand over his face. Of course the small penguin would be cute, but that didn’t mean it was feasible or appropriate to bring it home. 

After a bit of grumbling to himself, however, Eggsy did look up. 

“Oh,” he said, taken aback. Eggsy took a few steps closer to the glass.

Daisy stood and pressed a button on the wall inside the habitat. “Her flipper caught in discarded netting. Lost circulation and had to be amputated after rescue.” She smiled down at the flightless bird as it dove into the water for a swim. “I helped design the harness that holds her prosthesis secure. See how fast she can go?”

Tears of pride formed in Eggsy’s eyes as his girl’s smile lit up the room. It still stunned Eggsy to see how hard Daisy pushed herself, how confident and capable she was, despite her amputation. And now she was making her mark, at the aquarium, perhaps because of what the accident had taught her first-hand.

“It’s brilliant, Dais,” Eggsy tried to say loud enough for her to hear through the glass. But what was intended to be a shout came out a choked whisper. 

“A spectacular feat, Flower.” Merlin clasped his hand tight and passed along their happiness at her achievement. 

“Beautiful, darling!” Harry called out, loudest of them all. Percival whispered at his ear and kissed his cheek. “She is.” Eggsy heard Harry quietly insist. “It is.”

Daisy waved to her tuxedoed friends before disappearing into the back room. She emerged from the Authorized Personnel door shortly after, one of the biologists in tow.

“Well done, lass,” Merlin said with a hand to his heart.

Daisy rose to her toes and rocked back on her heel with a smile. “Cheers.”

“You must be Daisy’s fathers.” The biologist extended her hand for introductions; Harry and Cole took a step back from the group. “Pleasure to meet you, Misters Unwin; I’m Eva. I’ve been supervising Daisy this year. Quite impressed by her, we’re already in talks to expand the program. Well, start a program, really. She gave quite a convincing proposal and, of course, she’s been an incredible asset to our staff.”

“I’m sorry.” Eggsy said, looking from Daisy’s flushed cheeks and wide eyes to the smiling woman beside her. “There’s alot to, um, process in that… Where to start?”

Merlin gave Eggsy’s hand a squeeze and interjected. “I’m Hamish, this is Eggsy… Was there nae a volunteer program at the aquarium?”

“Not until Daisy spoke to our front office. She’s really surprised us. We do hope she’ll continue through the summer and stay on through the next year. Her school was unclear about the volunteer hours requirement...”

The men nodded and watched Daisy shrink away. Their girl never shrunk. 

Merlin was first to speak. “We’re glad to hear she’s made such a good impression. Thank ye.”

Eggsy hummed, stuck on the idea Daisy would let someone believe he was her father.

“Their darling has always been full of surprises.” 

Eggsy could hear a smirk on Harry’s lips and saw mortification rise in Daisy’s expression.

Confused or no, Eggsy’s first instinct was to protect his girl, feelings and all. He turned on Harry to lay in.

Percival placed a hand to Harry’s chest and stared. It wasn’t often, but sometimes when Harry was quick to speak, he really stuck his foot in it. The adults in the room waited for him to realize the embarrassment he’d caused. 

“Perhaps you would enjoy showing us around, Daisy darling?” Harry asked. “Don’t really know much about penguins.”

Daisy blinked at the group and Eggsy’s heart sank at her uncertainty and hesitation. 

Percival walked up to the glass, peering in and making a show of looking for details of the habitat the men knew he’d seen in an instant. “Tell us what changes they’ve made here, any plans you have for the coming months.”

Eva turned to Daisy with an encouraging sweep of her arm. Daisy smoothed her shirt and tucked her hair behind her ears before she began, but her voice lacked the confidence and enthusiasm as before.

Percival cut her off, exclaiming, “Daisy! Look at this!” 

His excitement left a crack in the tension of the room as the group crowded around the glass. 

“What are they doing?” Eggsy asked, looking upon the huddle of birds as they chattered.

“The meeting’s started,” Daisy informed with glee.

“Hush up,” Harry snapped in his most authoritarian voice. “Their Arthur is speaking.”

They watched the circle of birds discuss the important matters of their day. Led by their plumed friend and circumvented by a taller, quiet chap who added a few chirps here and there but was otherwise content in walking the perimeter and keeping the other penguins in line.

“Merlin’s turn. Once he gets going, we may never hear the end--”

Harry’s wit was interrupted by a stomp of heel to his toe. It left a scuff on his shoe that nearly sent Harry into a state of shock.

“Merlin says all the important stuff,” Daisy insisted, “after Arthur loses his wind.” She never took her eyes off her flightless mates.

Harry swatted Merlin’s shoulder when he laughed. 

Eggsy leaned into them. Merlin’s laugh was still his favorite sound.

 

Eggsy glanced at Daisy in the backseat as he drove them home. “Fathers?”

“She assumed,” his girl said, half-defiant half-embarrassed, “and I dinnae correct her.”

“Lie of omission’s still a lie, love.”

Eggsy was grateful to have Merlin on his side.

“Do ye really want me to tally up the things you’ve omitted to tell me?” Daisy gave them pointed looks as she fit her ear buds. Even through the rearview mirror, her eyes were piercing.

The men exchanged a worried glance and sat the rest of the ride home in silence.

 

“Daisy?” Eggsy followed his sister through their home. Daisy’s bedroom door slammed between them, leaving him in the hall. He waited with his back against her door for twenty minutes before letting Merlin drag him to their room.

“Give her space to breathe, Eggsy,” Merlin said as he sat his fiance on the bed. 

Eggsy looked out the door to the dark, empty hallway and frowned. “She said--”

“I was there well as ye were.” Merlin helped Eggsy out of his socks and shirt, but left his jeans. 

Shifting so his back was to Merlin, Eggsy sighed. “But I’m not--” he started. In the mirror, Merlin’s reflection frowned. 

“Aren’t we though?” Merlin asked as he gently closed the bedroom door. “In a way. In our girl’s eyes. If that’s what she wants?”

Eggsy shrugged. “Is it? What she wants?”

“I dinnae know, love. May just be easier for her to let people think what they think.”

Eggsy reached out for Merlin and urged him close until Merlin was standing between his knees. Wrapping his arms around Merlin’s hips, Eggsy lay his head on his stomach. 

“We were talking, you and I,” Eggsy said, his words muffled by the folds of Merlin’s sweater, “one day at seaside... I wanted to be a dad.” 

“Were ye afraid you’d not have the opportunity? Being with me?”

“No. God, no. I wanted us to have a... but Daisy--”

“Gave us a wonderful opportunity through the worst of circumstances and somehow turned out more perfect than either of us could have imagined?”

Eggsy’s face broke into a slow smile. “Something like that, yeah.”

Merlin brought Eggsy to his feet and held him tight. “I love ye, Eggsy. And so does our Flower. Though teenage hormones will turn her more thorny rose than daisy in the coming years, don’ forget how much she loves ye, too. 

“I don’ think she’s chomping at the bit to call either of us Da, but the rebellions will come. Some days we’ll be treated as the enemy same as other parents.”

“He’s right, ye know.” They heard Daisy’s voice clearly through the thin door. “You’re still Eggs and Uncle Ham but--”

Merlin turned the knob and revealed the girl sitting on the floor of the hall just outside their room.

“--maybe… Maybe with my new school and you guys getting married…” Daisy picked at the sock and socket over her thigh. “I dunno,” she said, “maybe.”

Merlin lowered himself to the ground with a groan. Eggsy crossed the room and joined them.

“I’d like to adopt ye after your brother and I are wed. Would that be all right?”

Daisy lifted an eyebrow, looking very much an Unwin. “Ye mean I’ll never be rid of ye?”

Merlin gave her a look and shook his head in pity for her plight, “And ye’ll wipe drool from my chin in old age.”

Daisy was aghast, “What, like tomorrow?”

Merlin narrowed his eyes at her in a playful scowl and directed Eggsy to have a look at her. “I told ye. See there? Thorns.”

~*~*~

After the exhausting day at the aquarium and a dinner conversation that seemed like it would never end, Eggsy was happy to be crawling into a warm bed. He aligned himself with the curve of Merlin’s spine.

“So, Da,” Eggsy said with a kiss and a nervous chuckle against Merlin’s shoulder, “what did ye really think about Daisy’s suggestion?”

“There are better ways to ask me to take your last name, love.”

“Yeah? I thought, ‘Marry Me, Hamish,’ was pretty good.” Eggsy dragged his fingers up and down Merlin’s arm as he pressed feather-light kisses to his neck.

“Daisy took Unwin when you chose to keep her. Always planned to do the same when you decided to keep me too.”

Eggsy swallowed hard and hugged Merlin to his chest. He breathed into Merlin’s neck knowing no words could take back the realities of their past. Eggsy had his actions with which to prove his love, and little else.

“Ye trace that pattern over my wrists so often, it feels like it’s already there.” 

Eggsy felt a tickle on his fingertips and realized they’d been moving along Merlin’s skin. 

Merlin kissed Eggsy’s hand and turned in his arms. “Perhaps I wear the tattoo on my chest.”

With love in his eyes, Eggsy moved his hand from Merlin’s arm and placed it over the man’s heart. The memory of red heat and impossible stillness came rushing back, still feeling fresh in Eggsy’s mind. He focused on the beat of Merlin’s heart; it reminded him -- as the touch always did -- that there was movement, life, beneath his palm.

“There, exactly.” Merlin covered Eggsy’s hand with his own. “The prostheses would cover parts of the design at either wrist. But, here… your hand always falls to the same place.”

Eggsy made love to Merlin that night. They were all mouths and hands, tangled limbs and lifetimes of love poured into the hours between dusk and dawn.

“How do ye do that?” Merlin asked, pressing his lips over the glistening sweat on Eggsy’s brow.

“What, love?” Eggsy nosed at Merlin's cheek until he was granted a kiss. It tasted salty and sweet. Eggsy drew his tongue over Merlin's bottom lip and gave it a nip.

Merlin took his fiance's head in his hands and looked deeply into his eyes. “How do ye look at me, touch me, like it's our first time?”

Eggsy felt tingles rise behind the mask of his smile. He wouldn't tell Merlin it was the lingering fear each moment could be their last. “Do you believe in reincarnation?”

Merlin's brows came together at the question, but his eyes held Eggsy like a treasure. “I dinnae know. My family believed. Ye think we've found each other before?”

Eggsy closed the space between them. “I know we have.”

“Well, then…” Merlin kissed him between his watering eyes, “I know we always will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was my first attempt at Kingsman fanfic. What did you think?


End file.
